I don't know what to do

[blondie03]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this place and just thought i'd put something up to see if anyone has any advice or is just willing to read about my current situation. I'm sorry if it doesnt really make much sense, my head is a bit all over the place at the minute.

My boyfriend of just under a year ended things with me on Sunday afternoon and so i'm currently suffering from a bit of shock really. We have been friends for a few years but due to wrong timings and going quite some time in between seeing each other we only officially got together last year.

He's always been that one guy that i had a thing for and so when we finally got serious i was so so happy. Things since then had been really good, we live about an hour apart but that didnt seem to bother either of us as the distance didnt really matter.

Anyway, for the past month or two i've had quite a lot going on with work stresses and my sister who i live with decided to move to Australia, which let me feeling upset and angry at her....on one hand i was upset because i knew i would miss her, but also angry for leaving me in a situation where i didnt know how i would be able to afford to pay for our flat or the horse that we share....ultimately this has also led to us to have to make the decision to sell our horse which led to other feelings of stress and upset. On top of this the contraceptive pill i was taking completely messed me up emotionally, but i guess i didnt realise until it was too late.

As a result of all these things, i have been quite up and down with my emotions and because my boyfriend is the closest person to me and my best friend, it meant that i could often snap at him for the littlest of things....when you live an hour away and only see each other on the weekends it probably seems like this was happening more often than not.

About two weeks ago, i finally sat down and realised how i was feeling and what was affecting my moods....i apologised to my boyfriend and explained that because i knew how things would be panning out in the future, i felt happier and more in control of my feelings...i also changed my contraceptive pill which instantly made me feel better. He told me how he felt about my behaviour and i thought things would be okay from there. unfortunately for the next week or so i could tell things still werent right, i was putting in almost all of the effort contactwise and not getting much in return....we had a few lovely evenings together though in between where everything seemed normal again. but then a couple of days later things went back to being weird, i just had a feeling that something wasnt right.

last thursday night i spoke with my boyfriend about this and he said that he had been thinking a lot about how he was feeling recently and that he didnt think he felt the same way anymore. he said he needed the weekend to have a think about things (he was also moving flats) and that he would see me on Sunday to talk. I was obviously upset as i didnt realise that he felt that strongly and this was the first weekend that we hadnt arranged to spend it together.

We met on sunday and he told me that after spending the week thinking about things, he didnt feel the same way anymore and he didnt get excited about coming to see me...he said he didnt think it was fair because we didnt feel the same about each other and so he ended it.

I think that im writing really to get someone else's opinion on this and so anything people say whether positive or negative would be much appreciated.
I'm not the kind of person who jumps easily into relationships....he was the first person i ever properly introduced to my family and truly truly cared about....in the past i have always had reservations about getting too serious with people because i have been scared about getting hurt and about getting too close to someone. He is also the first person that i can honestly say i am in love with.

I dont really know how to go forward and need a bit of advice on what i should do in the next few days/weeks and also whether anyone thinks there is a possibility for this to work out or whether im just going to be kidding myself about that?

thanks for reading, if you got this far!

[michelle23]

Okay you need to give up the false hope. Its very unlikely he is coming back. He made up his mind and he was very honest with you and you need to respect that.

Don't blame yourself: When you go through a rough time, it is generally a test to see how strong of a couple you are. The fact you broke up over all this means-you are not strong together. S**t happens because life happens and external factors can and does affect your relationship from time to time but strong couples stick together and work it out (unless its something really bad like cheating or killing someone or being a completely selfish asshole etc)

I know it feels awful right now. The next 3 months or so are gonna be tough. You will go through withdrawal, you will miss him terribly, he may even miss you too and both of you will be a little depressed and sad a lot but it just takes time and you will get over him.

If he comes back to you; its important to remember that its likely not because he wants you back permanently. He could just be lonely or depressed or sad and turns to you because you are comfortable and familiar or he could just be horny.. Don't give in if he does come crawling back. It is better to block him from your phone, email, social networking sites etc to avoid being sucked back in and getting false hope or mixed signals.

The first step is accepting its over and telling yourself you are not going back-even if he changes his mind its over, your done and your moving on. The quicker you accept that the faster you will heal. This is a new chapter. Take some time to feel like crap and cry and when your ready, get out, get all dressed up, flirt a little, go on a few casual dates, set your standards high and find a good man eventually when you are sure you are over your ex

Good luck

[Stickleback]

Four words. You only need four words.

"This too shall pass"

It feels like the end of the world right now, and I'm sure you are hurting like you've never hurt before, but day by day this will get better. Concentrate on work, concentrate on what you enjoy doing, take time to enjoy doing stuff for you.

The hurt will begin to subside in time, and there will be times that his absence will hit you like a blow in the chest, and you'll cry. But this will happen less and less as time goes by. He may be gone, but you are still alive. So live.

[blondie03]

thanks guys...i need to hear strong words and i know i can get over it, i guess right now i just dont want to. Do either of you think theres any hope in getting back together?