Need advice on women that had a abusive husband.... that is pushed me away...

[ashton1966]

Looks as though everyone has some twist to their stories.. Mine is a little different…met a sweet women who had 3 children that did not like me at first… We dated for 3-years and i was told by her during the breakup how great of a guy i was and that she problably made a mistake by doing this to me…“she said she lost some of her feelings for me” what happened in the three years though was the kids grew on me and me on them… i would hug them, play with them and they would even tell me things that their mom did not know… I treated her great… i opened doors for her, send her flowers for no reasons, fix things around her house, do dinners, supported her through helping out for church fund raisers, even in her emotional times i tried to comfort her,,, I was never abusive, verbually ever,,, don't believe in that..… I may have smoothered her with to much love and i see that now i kinda took her Independance away……. the other thing is she was on a anti-depressent called Lexapro that really effected her…. she has a ex that is getting out of prison for abusing her 5-6 years ago…. He gets out (1) year from now….she got afraid and said she has to protect her kids and can’t keep up her home, work, kids and have a relationship at the same time… just wondering if i can even get close to her with that on her mind???? i have not seen her for around a month... i was a little frantic at first but now i calmed down.... she will answer if i call but i only talk about her kids and if they are doing ok she said a week ago i sounded better on the phone... and just say bye... hoping she would call me... she has not even tried to call me in the first month.... again only talks to me when i would call... but i feel guilty about that...do not know what to say....

i think she just answers because she doesn't want me mad at her..... to be just a freind.... does that make sense???

[smackie9]

Obviously you are not convinced she lost that loving feeling towards you so she had to throw in some dramatic excuses to convince you that it's over. She broke up with you because the relationship ran it's course simple as that. It's over, now stop calling her.

[ashton1966]

Thanks for the advice..... But this Sunday I got a message from my ex.... ""that said her daughter who is 13 want's me to come over and see their new german shepard puppy "... I new she had built a fence in their back yard in the last week or so...

So my question to you is this...I strongly believe my ex is affraid of her ex husband.... so by this message even though directed through a request of her daughter to come over and see this puppy.... does this in your mind seem that it may be also that my ex may be also missing me???

[IslandScorp]

She might be missing you or the kids might be but that doesn't mean that you should try to get close again. You were a part of their lives for a long time. But feeling a little lonely and missing you isn't the same as loving you and a relationship should be based on love. She's already said that she's lost some of her feelings for you. In any case, since this woman was on anti-depressants and was in a very abusive relationship, she obviously has some emotional issues as well as perhaps some anxiety about her ex's release. These are issues that SHE has to resolve completely before she can have a healthy relationship with you - or anyone for that matter.

[smackie9]

It doesn't mean she wants you back if that is what you are asking. She can't get herself to cut the cord. She just misses your purpose, not the relationship.