Is he into me, or are we still just friends?

[Amalthea1978]

Hi guys! I'm completely new here, and honestly I'm hopeless with guys. Alot of that comes from my own lack of self-confidence - like I honestly just can't believe a guy would be interested in me, so I start to completely discount the possibility of a relationship - but that's a bit off topic and maybe a separate post all it's own.

Anyway, I've been working with this guy for maybe 8 months now, and recently we've been getting along really well. Probably partly because it just takes me a while to warm up to people. But he's super-nice, definitely goes out of his way to make me laugh, and he teases/jokes with me alot. Like for example, the other night we walked out of our office together, and he started singing at the top of his lungs to embarass me. Just silly stuff like that, but now it's pretty much all the time.

We're very open with each other, and he's confided alot of things that he's asked me to keep private. But this jokey/teasey is kind of new, and recently one of our co-workers has been asking me if I'd think about going out with him (and no, I'm pretty sure he didn't put her up to asking, I think she's just noticing our friendship and trying to play matchmaker). I feel like, since she's asked, that there's probably gossip among our co-workers going in that direction. I guess I should mention, too, that there's an age difference, with me being older by a little over 9 years. Add to that the fact that I feel like an unattractive person, you can see why I doubt my perception that he may be interested.

The frustrating part is that, because we work closely together, if either of us ever made a move, things could go awkward pretty quickly. So what do you guys think? Could he possibly be interested, or are we just friends? And if you were in the situation that we're in, would you ever make a move, or just keep it professional? And, I guess, how can I let him know that I'd be interested without giving too much away, which could result in horrible awkwardness?

[smackie9]

IMO you are best to keep it professional because one gossip has already started, two if you two do date and things don't work out, you are stuck seeing each other everyday and three he could start dating someone else and you would be faced with having bad feelings. Not worth it.

Someone started a thread almost the same position as you...much younger co-worker and the were carpooling all the time....he was always joking with her etc and she was under the impression he could be interested. She expressed her feelings and sadly he didn't feel the same. She was so embarrassed and very crushed by it.

If he is interested he will ask you out so let him to the pursuing.

[Amalthea1978]

Thanks for your answer. I was getting discouraged seeing all the views this had with no responses! And I'm not planning on telling him my feelings any time soon - it would be too awkward! I just wish I knew how he was feeling - grr!

The thing is, I was in a similar situation a while back, with a guy friend, and I'm almost POSITIVE we both felt the same way. But for whatever reasons (mine being the same self-doubt) neither of us would ever say anything. I think I go WAY overboard with it too, like I make myself almost unapproachable, just as a defense mechanism - I don't mean to, but I think I do it anyway. But anyway, this guy moved away, started seeing another girl (who was actively pursuing him), and they recently got married. It almost killed me, because I was so in love with this guy and I KNOW that if one of us had just had the guts to say anything things would be completely different. Even his mom told me shortly before his wedding that she really thought we would have ended up together.

Anyway, I don't think I could go through that again - it made me a complete emotional wreck. Actually, the other day I mentioned this guy to my friend, just said that I missed him (and he has NO idea how I felt about this guy, at least I've never told him), and his response was pretty sharp "Well he's married." Seemed jealous to me, even though he shouldn't have been.

I guess the bottom line is that if something were to happen, it would make me really happy. I'm not going to initiate it, even though I wonder if for once I should take the risk. But at the very least I don't want to discourage it.

[smackie9]

First off do not get emotionally invested in this guy like the last one. That will prevent any anguish or hurt if he moves on or rejects you. If you want to show interest, suggest going out for lunch or for a beer after work. Observe his behavior....is he more or less out doing, does he seem to talk about more personal things, does he want to sit closer to you, does he keep your time together short or does he suggest going somewhere else. This should give you some clue.

[jcm]

Listen, you are a female. Ask him out instead of waiting for him to ask you out. Guys dig that you aren't playing the non-equality card in which you feel that the guy should always ask out the girl. Start it off with a casual convo, and as you are about to depart, say, hey, are you doing anything this weekend? If he replies not decided, or no idea, then ask for casual lunch and get to know each other better outside work. Being a guy, I would so dig this, and if you asked for dinner, that would be more icing on the cake.

[michelle23]

Do you keep in touch outside of working hours? Lunch together? Coffee? Texting? Facebook? Social events?

If no, then he may just be being friendly. I would leave it. Give it a month and if he doesnt ask you out by then-try to forget him.

You need to work on your confidence. Y do you feel unattractive? Have you ever considered online dating if this guy doesnt work out?