My woman is unable to feel physical pleasure during intercourse

[4dvz]

Hello to everyone reading this and thank you for your time beforehand,

Let me first introduce us and our case (altough I`m writing this alone). If you who are reading have any ideas/thoughts/experiences about this, I`m going to give it my best effort to explain the situation accurately:

We`ve been together for about an year now, and I wasn`t aware of her problems of feeling any physical pleasure until a week ago, when she told me she has never been able to feel any physical pleasure during intercourse, not with anyone. She physically enjoys oral sex tough.. I tought it was a bad joke because I would had really given our sex-life a 10/10. And here comes the strangest part;
She says that our sex-life is a 10/10 in her mind and there is no problems whatsoever preventing our sex being as perfect as I experienced it before this information, and of course my first toughts are supposed to be that she is only telling it to save atleast some of my feelings (I`m really aware of this), but for some reason I don`t know what to believe in, I want to believe her.

Here are some facts I believe are better for me to just list here, they make a big difference in my thinking process:

- She has about always had an orgasm during our sex, only times that she hasn`t are the times when she has not wanted and those times are really really low %. So basically she has received 1 orgasm/day on average, that`s my honest estimation based on my memory.

- She gets her orgasms either by rubbing her clitoris while we have have actual sex (and it`s always succesful, she does not fake it because there has also been times when she only wanted to ****.), or then by me giving her oral sex or rubbing her.

- She has always made like 90% of the initiatives, and this is what makes a huge deal, there has been countless numbers of times when I`ve been too tired to have sex cause I work hard, and she has been just moarning for it and almost forcing me into it. I`ve never been in a relationship with a woman who wants as much sex as she does. So even after 1 year of being together, she practically demands sex every day, often many times.

- She is able to ejaculate while we have sex. (Don`t know if this makes any differences but it`s something concrete)

- I don`t have a small penis. Just to repeat, she has never felt pleasure with anyone during intercourse.

- She claims that she gets so much from our sex on the mind-level, that it`s the reason why she is able to get orgasms during it, and wants it so bad all the time. Of course she would like to feel physical pleasure, but she has never felt it so she can`t really miss it, and I don`t know how to help her altough I tried and tried desperately after hearing about this..


Can`t come up with more details really, but here comes the real problem from my part:

I have noticed during the week I`ve known about this issue, that I have lost a big part of my thrill towards sex, because I don`t know what can I give her, except oral sex. And I don`t know what to believe in about the things she tells me about how good our sex is. It`s killing me to know that I�ve tought all this time that she feels physically the same way I do. It has made me really depressed, and I`m having a mental block in engaging into sex at all. This can cause so many problems to our sex-life, which has been inch-perfect before this, that I`m asking you guys to give me any possible advice, for both myself and her?

I don`t want to lose my desire on having sex, and I want to know if there is something we can do in order to make her feel physical pleasure, so there really is two separate problems even tough they`re heavily connected.

[basilandthyme]

4dvz, your girlfriend is having lots of great orgasms with you. She wants sex with you frequently and rates it a 10/10. So, it looks to me like she's happy with her body and it's reactions.

So when we come down to it, this really is about you isn't it. I suggest you look at all the positives here and stop worrying about the way her body works. The last thing you want to do is create a problem in her mind where none exists.

I suggest you read this article about vaginal intercourse - I hope you will find it reassuring. You will find that your girlfriend is not unusual or in need of fixing. http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/sexual_intercourse.htm#.UhHKbmZ-_IU

[michelle23]

Most women cannot orgasm through intercourse alone. Many need 20 minutes of foreplay just to be wet enough for sex and some need constant g-spot stimulation in order to cum, some need constant clit stimulation to cum, some need both. It is the way the female body works. Women have always found it harder to orgasm than men probably because many have been brainwashed into thinking female sexuality is bad.

You keep saying she orgasms a lot but doesn't feel any pleasure? That doesn't really make sense lol. Do you mean she orgasms a lot in other ways but not if you just have sex and she doesn't rub her clit?

The best way for me to climax during sex is if he gives me oral first until I am "nearly there" and then I find it really easy to cum during intercourse. Maybe you could try that

[4dvz]

Basilandthyme: Thanks for the article, I have been reading it and it`s really interesting. And yes I can reason this whole thing being my problem, because she has coped with it always. I have never encountered anything like this tough, and I can`t really process my own feelings here properly. But you know, every time we had sex after that discussion I have thinked about it during sex, trying to make her feel physical pleasure and that`s not what I want our sex to be; me trying something that I`m not even sure if I can achieve. And I have a mental block in my head now that concerns our sex, somehow it`s just all feeling so strange for me.

Michelle23: She orgasms practically every time we have sex, she always rubs her clit while we are doing it, or then I`m giving her a treat if you know what I mean. So you got it right, she can`t orgasm without rubbing her clit or me taking care of it. She gets an orgasm too if I rub her clit while having sex with her. (<-- That is not the solution cause because it´s actually really effort-demanding from me to do every time, so far I have concidered it a "special treat").
But the thing is, now I believe that she`s just masturbating herself to orgasm during sex while I`m enjoying her body, and that has really not been my image of sex. I don`t have anything concrete to give her during the intercourse, because she can`t feel anything good about me inside her. That feels just awful. And thanks for the tip, I will try it.

[4dvz]

But anyways, what I really need urgent help in is restoring my self-confidence here, concerning intercourse with her.

Imagine having sex with your partner every day for 1 year, then out from the blue you hear that she actually has never felt physical pleasure from you f*****g her. I`m not questioning my own skills in bed, but that still feels so bad to know something like that, and as you might imagine affects the whole relationship in a way.

[basilandthyme]

But anyways, what I really need urgent help in is restoring my self-confidence here, concerning intercourse with her.

Imagine having sex with your partner every day for 1 year, then out from the blue you hear that she actually has never felt physical pleasure from you f*****g her. I`m not questioning my own skills in bed, but that still feels so bad to know something like that, and as you might imagine affects the whole relationship in a way.

You regain your self confidence by realising that there's a whole lot more to sex than in-and-out-penis-in-vagina. You also have the knowledge that she's enjoying herself immensely when she's in bed with you.

She's happy - so I'm not sure what else there is to worry about.

Edited to add: I bet she enjoys giving you pleasure through intercourse. Unless she's laying there like a cold fish figuring out what she's going to be doing tomorrow morning, I really wouldn't sweat it.

[michelle23]

OP what you are describing is perfectly normal. I have been with my bf five years and it took time to figure out what works and what doesn't. It was hit or miss during intercourse and when it did happen it was accidental lol. He always had to either touch me before or after or give me oral in order for me to cum and that was 99% of the time we had sex/sexual contact. I never blamed him for that or thought he was bad in bed coz as a woman I understand that orgasm can be nearly impossible during intercourse and it takes a little more to take her over the edge.

After being together maybe a year or two, we figured out that if he rubbed my clit during sex i would cum and we did that for awhile after some foreplay which worked and then we figured out how to do it without him needing to do that. Certain positions really work. Her on top is probably the easiest to start off with. Get her really worked up until she is nearly there and then ask her to go on top. Another is missionary but put your hands on her hips or ass and pull her up towards you as close as you can get. This provides better clit stimulation. Another is missionary where she is lying on the edge of the bed and you are standing in front of her. She can either wrap her legs around your back or over your shoulders and because you can lean on your feet, it gives you more strength to provide clit stimulation again. These are my top 3 but other ones work too. You could research the kamasutra to get a few other ideas but wait until you have mastered the above first.

Don't let it affect your confidence at all. You spot a problem so find a solution. Sex is supposed to get better and better over time as you explore new things and figure out new things that you both like. There is a lot to learn and it is supposed to be fun and exciting. Plus if there was no challenge at all-it would probably get boring fairly fast. You have not done anything wrong and you are not a selfish lover. That is all that matters. My definition of a guy who is bad in bed is someone who makes no effort and doesn't care whether she orgasms or not. As long as your trying to satisfy her, your doing a good job coz a lot of men can be selfish pigs in bed. Don't be too hard on yourself.