Boyfriend DOES NOT like sex!

[PansyDoodle]

Ok, a bit of background.
My bf and I recently became sexually active. We are in our twenties, were both virgins, and we wanted to be absolutely sure of one another before getting sexual, so we waited a couple of years before we did. Now, before, he was VERY sexual, always wanting to make out, touching, talking about it and whatnot. He was very excited for sex and we both really wanted it. Well, now we've had it, and he doesn't seem to want it AT ALL!

First off, he was grossed out by my vagina. He'd never seen one, and was almost sick looking at it. It took him a couple of weeks before he'd even consider it. Then the sensation was weird, and he said sex wasn't as stimulating as masturbation. He's really squeamish about the whole thing, says it's too slimy, smells bad, and refuses to give me oral (even though I happily go down on him). And sex on my period? Forget about it. He says he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to do that, but assured me that we'd still make out.

Second of all, he's extremely ticklish. He laughs constantly during foreplay and sex, really limiting what I can do with him. All my attempts to touch him anywhere but his chest are awkward and met with displeasure, as are certain movements by me (which are painful). I have no idea how to pleasure him since everything I do is either ticklish or painful.

And finally, he doesn't seem to want it! It's amazing for me because I love him so much and it's very powerful for me, but he seems so indifferent on it. He isn't as interested, doesn't get excited, I feel like I have to remind him that we can (it's never "the right time"), and isn't nearly as sexy as before! Sometimes I feel like I'm dragging it out of him! He's a little OCD, not full blown, just tendencies, does that have something to do with it? I dont know if this is normal since it seems ike no other guys are like this!

What on earth is going on???

[basilandthyme]

Pansy, this certainly is NOT normal. He may be asexual. Or gay and hasn't admitted it himself. Or perhaps he's experienced some type of sexual abuse. I think he needs to see a sex counsellor on his own.

The main thing though is that you should not continue in a relationship with him if he leaves this problem unaddressed.

[PansyDoodle]

Mind, a quick note: he DOES enjoy sex when we do it. He really does, and says it does feel amazing. But he isn't very driven to do it and is sometimes outright uncomfortable with the idea....So while I know he is straight and enjoys it, there are still those clunky bits in our sex life that are confusing me.

[smackie9]

Wow this guy never looked a porn before??? You know seeing the penis enter the vagina?

Don't feel bad, there are girls out there that are repulsed by the look of a penis.

Why not offer him a blow job or let him do you from behind, or do your tits....find a position that he will find more appealing so he doesn't have to see it. Try crotchless panties and sexy lingerie. I'm sure in time he will get more comfortable with it.

[smackie9]

This is why sexual exploration should start when you are a teenager, so you can work out the phobias, hang ups etc.

[LifeInflux]

It may take him a while to get more comfortable with things... I can't say that I've been through anything similar but what I can say about it is that, anything new can be kind of tough until you get in the swing of things.

Oral sex is something that not all guys enjoy... hygiene is exceptionally important, especially for first timers...(not trying to insult you, just trying to give some ideas)... and having him perform it immediately after a shower might make things a little bit easier on him.

This guy may just not be sexually motivated unless he's already aroused... and even then maybe not so much.. so you might want to try some passive sexual advances like lots of body contact... some kissing... and just see if you can get him excited before moving forward with anything too sexually demanding.

Its kind of a weird way to go about it... but sexual attraction isn't something you can force on him.... and if he isn't taking it upon himself to get accustomed to sex by.. watching porn, or actively pursuing it with you... it will probably get a lot worse before there are signs that it will get better.

[Cerby]

Pansy, this certainly is NOT normal. He may be asexual. Or gay and hasn't admitted it himself. Or perhaps he's experienced some type of sexual abuse. I think he needs to see a sex counsellor on his own.

The main thing though is that you should not continue in a relationship with him if he leaves this problem unaddressed.

He most definitely is not asexual. That term comes up on this forum every so often, but it means that there is no sexual attraction whatsoever, to anyone. This guy clearly was in to the idea of it, and enjoyed it. I think he may not have understood what "it" actually was, or maybe he has spent the last 8 years watching perfect bodies in porn, and seeing one that doesn't match up to that has him all turned around.

That said, I would end the relationship, because I think it is probably a physical attraction issue. She said he was grossed out, and probably still is.

[searock]

If he is grossed out by seeing a vagina in real life, I'd say he's probably not sexually attracted to women.

[pcmaster]

If you are really fat girl like double size of normal then its understendable why he was grossed out by your vagina cause some of those things are HUGE ! Anyway if you wax it it should look ok.

Could you learn how to dance striptease? It could help. But bottom line guy is special and you will have to find that special way how to make him feel the same way as you do.

Maybe cerby is right and guy did watch too much porn and when it came to sex he realised that he was squeezing it too hard !

Btw what do you mean with - "isn't nearly as sexy as before!" ?

[searock]

Lol how is it "wrong"? Men who are attracted to women aren't grossed out by real vaginas... unless OP has been withholding some key information such as she has a malformation of some sort down there, I see no reason why a straight man would be grossed out. Only some kids and some adults who are not attracted to women would be grossed out by a real vagina (unless such vagina is grossly malformed or grossly unclean etc).

[pcmaster]

Now, before, he was VERY sexual, always wanting to make out, touching, talking about it and whatnot. He was very excited for sex and we both really wanted it. Well, now we've had it, and he doesn't seem to want it AT ALL!

This line proves that he likes girls. Do you never met a guy who lost interest as soon as he get what he wants? Perhaps mystery was gone and he realised that this girl is not a challenge anymore so years of mystery were gone in single fck.

[michelle23]

I think he is just v inexperienced. Vagina's don't exactly look attractive. Neither do testicles but we get used to it in time. I think he is too used to his own hand and he probably is quite rough when he masturbates. OP ask him not to masturbate at all for a month and to come to you when he is horny. The easiest way to get over sex phobias and to build up your sex drive is to have lots of sex. The more orgasms you and he have together, the more you will both want to do it. The best thing to do it JUST DO IT.

You could also ask him how often does he masturbate? If its 1-2 times a week or less than he likely just has a very low sex drive and there is nothing you can do about that

If things dont improve dramatically over the next 6 months than you will need to end this relationship. Try to make it work, communicate, even ask him to see a sex therapist but if it doesnt get better in the next 3-6 months, it never will

[jdd]

Is it possible that he is autistic?

How high functioning is he?

[lalalita]

When I was a teenager, I was with a guy who was a virgin. I was his first and things were very awkward on his part once full on sex became involved. Nothing "felt right" for him and he would constantly stop and analyze the situation instead of enjoying it. We weren't involved for very long, and he messaged me some time later thanking me for my patients and assured me he'd "come a long way since".

The repulsion at a vagina, though? That seems strange to me if he is heterosexual. Is he generally grossed out easily/a clean freak?

[TeEnAgEdIrTbAg]

he can't be straight :/