Why don't girls pursue guys?

[basilandthyme]

You can say the same thing about the dream job. So you're saying you wouldn't pursue the dream job either? Cause there's plenty of other terrific jobs in the sea too.

Well, yeah. There's more than one great job out there too.

[mikedoug]

As a girl, I like the "flirting game" to be balanced out... I like it when we both get our turns to pursue, and to be pursued.

Well I'm glad you feel that way searock.

I don't understand why girls don't share the pursuing burden equally. Relationships are hard enough as they are, purposely creating unnecessary barriers by acting lukewarm when you are in fact interested makes no sense. Why make it harder for the guy you are interested in?

[basilandthyme]

Yet you probably expect the guy to chase you when you haven't showed any interest in him....double standard anyone??

No, I'd never expect that. I've always made it quite clear when I'm interested in a guy. If I'm keen, I'll make it very easy for you.

To be honest, I'd get annoyed if a guy I've shown no interest in chases me. If I'm not showing interest, then I'm NOT INTERESTED.

[mikedoug]

Who says they don't?

Yes some do, but most girls will never pursue: probably along the lines of 20% pursue, 80% don't.

[mikedoug]

Well, yeah. There's more than one great job out there too.

So what would you do? Pursue the job, the guy, both or neither? You completely ignored the question I asked you.

[mikedoug]

No, I'd never expect that. I've always made it quite clear when I'm interested in a guy. If I'm keen, I'll make it very easy for you.

To be honest, I'd get annoyed if a guy I've shown no interest in chases me. If I'm not showing interest, then I'm NOT INTERESTED.

Well what I mean is say you're more interested than him. He still wants to go on dates with you, but you are more keen of him, than he is keen of you. It is you, not him initiating phone calls, chatting, etc. Would you continue to pursue him? Cause this is what guys are faced with most of the time.

[basilandthyme]

Well what I mean is say you're more interested than him. He still wants to go on dates with you, but you are more keen of him, than he is keen of you. It is you, not him initiating phone calls, chatting, etc. Would you continue to pursue him? Cause this is what guys are faced with most of the time.

Yes, I have made this mistake in the past....doing all the legwork for a guy who wasn't that interested in me. However, I've learned the hard way that if they aren't showing equal interest, then you're wasting your time.

I'd give the same advice to a man: If she's not showing equal interest, cut your losses and move on.

[basilandthyme]

So what would you do? Pursue the job, the guy, both or neither?

I'd have a go at both. But I wouldn't be desperate about getting either of them because I know there will be more opportunities.

[mikedoug]

Yes, I have made this mistake in the past....doing all the legwork for a guy who wasn't that interested in me. However, I've learned the hard way that if they aren't showing equal interest, then you're wasting your time.

I'd give the same advice to a man: If she's not showing equal interest, cut your losses and move on.

Well than I think we have a problem world.....cause most times the guy is pursuing/showing more interest at the beginning

[mikedoug]

I'd have a go at both.

Good for you It's nice to see a woman who feels that way

[basilandthyme]

Well than I think we have a problem world.....cause most times the guy is pursuing/showing more interest at the beginning

Oh well, I guess you'll have to take that up with girls who play games and the boys who buy into it.

Personally, I couldn't bothered with all the game playing.

[basilandthyme]

Good for you It's nice to see a woman who feels that way

Mate, I had amazing sex with my hubby on the day we met. If there's one thing you can't accuse me of, it's not showing interest

[mikedoug]

Oh well, I guess you'll have to take that up with girls who play games and the boys who buy into it.

Personally, I couldn't bothered with all the game playing.

I know. I see you're in your mid 40s. Was there as much game playing back when you were dating? I fear for what my kids will have to some day go through, cause I'm sure the game playing will just continue to get worse and worse

[yanzg]

A lot of girls are told since childhood they should be reserved and not aggressive to pursue guys. This is a gender issue. However, if the girl is willing to make the first move approach the dream guy, she will surprised the guy is not that difficult to approach the guy. she just need to initial the first move and let the guy know she is interested in knowing him, not chasing him.

[basilandthyme]

I know. I see you're in your mid 40s. Was there as much game playing back when you were dating? I fear for what my kids will have to some day go through, cause I'm sure the game playing will just continue to get worse and worse

Back in the 80's, I was always advised to play 'hard to get'. Though I always ignored the advice because I figured that if I played games, I might miss out on a great guy. But then again, you're talking with a woman who doesn't believe that the timing of a marriage proposal should all be on the man's terms.

For what it's worth, it's not all girls playing hard to get these days. My 14yo daughter is very feminist and determined that she can do anything a boy can - so she will ask a boy out. Actually, she did ask out a boy who was in her class - apparently he was showing all the signs of being interested: Talking for ages, playing guitar together, similar interests. But he freaked and the friendship is now ruined. It's not just boys who are getting rejected.