Rattled!!! Do I have the right to be?

[anonymous_a]

Soo my bf and I have been through a lot lately, many of you already know. Pretty much, I have been supporting him all summer, as he has been unable to hold down a job for longer than 2 weeks. He also failed a couple of his classes last year and has to take an extra year, which pisses me off because I want to go back to school too, in another city, and I have to wait for him to graduate before doing this. Anyways, he is starting school in a week and he is getting a student loan (last year he got free funding through a program called "second careers", but can't keep getting it because he failed) and he is giving me a big chunk of it to put towards his half of rent from here until January (the money comes out of my account every month). ALL SUMMER I have been paying rent on my own, paying the internet bill on my own, AND paying for us to do fun activities like go to the beach and go to water parks, and camping, etc. Throughout this time he would give me money here and there, and buy groceries. This does not add up to EQUAL at all! Anyways, we took a break recently because I was fed up with all this and was holding a lot of resentment towards him. When I came home (after being at my moms for a few days) I agreed to let him prove himself and prove that he can act like a mature adult (he is 26). So last night he tells me out of no where that when he gives me the $2000 for his share of rent for the next 5 months, he wants a receipt!!! Now in NORMAL circumstances I would not have an issue with this, but we are not in a normal situation. I couldn't believe he had the audacity to ask me! His reasoning was "after everything we just went through, I need to protect myself" as in, in case I take the money and run. *rolling my eyes* Are you fvcking kidding me?! I have been the one supporting him all fvcking summer and throwing my fvcking money pretty much in his face! And all of a sudden he doesn't trust that I'm actually going to act like a responsible adult with his(my) money??? I am so thrown by this, and seriously pissed! Like I said, if we were in a normal situation, and had been splitting all the bills 50/50 all summer, then I really wouldn't have a problem with this, I just can't get over the fact that he doesn't trust me with this. In all reality, he is bad with money, so I should be the one taking ALL his student loan, and letting him use when he needs it, so he doesn't freaking blow it on all kinds of garbage! Urgh!!! Am I out of line being upset?

[Wakeup]

First off, both of your are "out of line" for using student loan money to pay your rent.
Second of all, you two are considered common law married because after two years of co-hab, in the Province of BC, you are considered to be just as married as any couple and assets etc will be splint according to the family law appropriate for those in common law marriages.
Third: Can you blame him for wanting to protect himself? This is the mindset of someone who doesn't trust that you will be there in the near future, however I'm not sure how a receipt will protect him. I think your thinking on why he wants one is off... you should probably ask him how he thinks a receipt will protect him so that you know exactly (without actually asking) where his mind is at and what he may be scheming about.
Fourth: To be honest, he doesn't sound like the brightest lightbulb on the tree so who has he been talking to that gave him the idea to ask for a receipt.

If I were you, I'd be worried that he's going to have you responsible for half of his student loan since you're using it for other things besides school. I don't think that's what you should be doing in the first place but you should really protect yourself at this point.

[anonymous_a]

First off, both of your are "out of line" for using student loan money to pay your rent.
Second of all, you two are considered common law married because after two years of co-hab, in the Province of BC, you are considered to be just as married as any couple and assets etc will be splint according to the family law appropriate for those in common law marriages.
Third: Can you blame him for wanting to protect himself? This is the mindset of someone who doesn't trust that you will be there in the near future, however I'm not sure how a receipt will protect him. I think your thinking on why he wants one is off... you should probably ask him how he thinks a receipt will protect him so that you know exactly (without actually asking) where his mind is at and what he may be scheming about.
Fourth: To be honest, he doesn't sound like the brightest lightbulb on the tree so who has he been talking to that gave him the idea to ask for a receipt.

If I were you, I'd be worried that he's going to have you responsible for half of his student loan since you're using it for other things besides school. I don't think that's what you should be doing in the first place but you should really protect yourself at this point.

Uhm, that's what student loan is for lol. When you sign up you say how much you have in bills (rent, phone, internet), and how much you have in tuition, and whether or not you have a part time job. Tuition is taken automatically from the amount you are given, and the rest is for you to live through out the school year, aka rent, groceries, bills. Plus he has a part time job as well that is under the table so it's not taken into consideration. Also, we are not common law, we have only been living together for 6 months.

When he told me about wanting a receipt he said "do you blame me? after everything you just put me through?" what about everything HE has put ME through?!? He thinks that I could just take the $2000 and walk away from him, and the fact that I would give him a receipt that says "rent" on it, would protect him from me doing that.

He actually is very intelligent, he just doesn't apply himself, but I agree that someone had to have given him the idea, and I'm pretty sure I know who it was.

[Unusual]

Dump the loser child.You need a man

[Wakeup]

Uhm, that's what student loan is for lol. When you sign up you say how much you have in bills (rent, phone, internet), and how much you have in tuition, and whether or not you have a part time job. Tuition is taken automatically from the amount you are given, and the rest is for you to live through out the school year, aka rent, groceries, bills.

For him to live on, not you.

Plus he has a part time job as well that is under the table so it's not taken into consideration. Also, we are not common law, we have only been living together for 6 months.

Why didn't you say he had an under the table job when you kept saying that he wasn't working or that he couldn't keep a job. Now you're saying he's bilking the system by making money not claimed (and thereby getting more in student loan then he normally would) WTF is wrong with this picture? My bad in the living together thing... I thought you have been living together for 2-1/2 years. Keep that info in mind though if you're still fighting your way through life with him by that time.

When he told me about wanting a receipt he said "do you blame me? after everything you just put me through?" what about everything HE has put ME through?!? He thinks that I could just take the $2000 and walk away from him, and the fact that I would give him a receipt that says "rent" on it, would protect him from me doing that.

He said that he thinks that you giving him a receipt with "rent" on it would protect him from you walking away with his money? Or do you think that's what he means? If its what he actually said, then that solidifies my assumption that he's stupid as well as lazy.

He actually is very intelligent,

No he isn't, he's ****ed up and you can't fix him.

he just doesn't apply himself,

yea, that's being pretty dumb in general, yes?

but I agree that someone had to have given him the idea, and I'm pretty sure I know who it was.

Well you're venting here and he's doing the same there, then.

Gah, I'm not sure what the attraction is anymore, Anon. You've painted an entirely different story of him since your first thread.

[anonymous_a]

For him to live on, not you.

That's why he's only giving me HIS SHARE of rent (half)

Why didn't you say he had an under the table job when you kept saying that he wasn't working or that he couldn't keep a job. Now you're saying he's bilking the system by making money not claimed (and thereby getting more in student loan then he normally would) WTF is wrong with this picture?

He only works 1-2 shifts a week, and they are only 4 hour shifts. Not enough to support him, and not enough to affect his eligibility for student loans.

My bad in the living together thing... I thought you have been living together for 2-1/2 years. Keep that info in mind though if you're still fighting your way through life with him by that time.

He said that he thinks that you giving him a receipt with "rent" on it would protect him from you walking away with his money? Or do you think that's what he means? If its what he actually said, then that solidifies my assumption that he's stupid as well as lazy.

No he isn't, he's ****ed up and you can't fix him.
yea, that's being pretty dumb in general, yes?

I get what you mean. He is "being" dumb in the sense that he doesn't apply himself, but in reality if he did, he would get amazing grades! He's very smart with math and science, and his ccommuncation skills are pretty good, in the sense that he can write and speak very well, he uses big words in the correct sense, etc.

Well you're venting here and he's doing the same there, then.

Gah, I'm not sure what the attraction is anymore, Anon. You've painted an entirely different story of him since your first thread.

I know ): I honestly feel like I'm attracted to his potential. He SUCH potential to be successful in anything he chooses to do, he just doesn't freaking apply himself.

[Wakeup]

Honey, leave him and give him the opportunity to be the best he that he can be. If he just flops again, then he is incapable of reaching his potential at this time in his life. You floating him is actually being rather selfish if you want the truth.

He needs to be given the opportunity to sink or swim. He's not getting that opportunity while he knows you're there. Until you're not there, he will never believe you won't be.

Tuff to hear but its the truth. He's like many (all?) addictive people, they will only do what they have to and they won't even do that as long as they don't need to.

You can be kind and tell him you're leaving for HIS own good and when/IF he wants to see if they're is potential for you two to reunite once he's shown himself that he's capable, then you can revisit your relationship then. In the meantime, you can move back home, save money faster to get your own degree and the two of you will be allowing one another to grow. Right now, you're both holding one another back. Don't wait around for him to grow and don't keep in contact with him as a friend either. He needs to hit some sort of rock bottom it seems. Too bad his parents enable him too.

I know you're not ready to hear that but sorry, doll ~ it's true.

[anonymous_a]

Honey, leave him and give him the opportunity to be the best he that he can be. If he just flops again, then he is incapable of reaching his potential at this time in his life. You floating him is actually being rather selfish if you want the truth.

He needs to be given the opportunity to sink or swim. He's not getting that opportunity while he knows you're there. Until you're not there, he will never believe you won't be.

Tuff to hear but its the truth. He's like many (all?) addictive people, they will only do what they have to and they won't even do that as long as they don't need to.

You can be kind and tell him you're leaving for HIS own good and when/IF he wants to see if they're is potential for you two to reunite once he's shown himself that he's capable, then you can revisit your relationship then. In the meantime, you can move back home, save money faster to get your own degree and the two of you will be allowing one another to grow. Right now, you're both holding one another back. Don't wait around for him to grow and don't keep in contact with him as a friend either. He needs to hit some sort of rock bottom it seems. Too bad his parents enable him too.

I know you're not ready to hear that but sorry, doll ~ it's true.

Urgh, lol. Fml.

[lalalita]

You just asked for a break, he has every right to be wary about giving you large amounts of money. Just because you were not "smart" with your money (IE: supporting him) doesn't mean he isn't going to be. You decided to support him. You didn't have to make that decision.

It doesn't seem like you have anything positive to say about him. I'm not sure why you're with him.

[anonymous_a]

You just asked for a break, he has every right to be wary about giving you large amounts of money. Just because you were not "smart" with your money (IE: supporting him) doesn't mean he isn't going to be. You decided to support him. You didn't have to make that decision.

It doesn't seem like you have anything positive to say about him. I'm not sure why you're with him.

LOL He is terrible with money! We've been together a year and a half I am WELL AWARE of his spending habits!! And me supporting him wasn't UNsmart of me. It was SUPPORTING him because I love him, and want to help him through this time, in hopes that when I go back to school, he will be making the majority of money, and be able to help me, if I ever end up in the same situation. I made that decision, knowing that if things were reversed he would do the same.

And I have plenty nice things to say about him, actually, and HAVE said them, multiple times. He's smart, caring, generous (when he can be) he's extremely thoughtful and considerate, he ALWAYS thinks of me before himself (which sometimes can be a bad thing). I'm with him for all of these reasons, plus the fact that he has an amazing family, we have similar views on raising a family and kids.

[lalalita]

LOL He is terrible with money! We've been together a year and a half I am WELL AWARE of his spending habits!! And me supporting him wasn't UNsmart of me. It was SUPPORTING him because I love him, and want to help him through this time, in hopes that when I go back to school, he will be making the majority of money, and be able to help me, if I ever end up in the same situation. I made that decision, knowing that if things were reversed he would do the same.
.

Well, then I'm confused as to why you're complaining about the supporting him.

[anonymous_a]

Well, then I'm confused as to why you're complaining about the supporting him.

Really? Lol that's not what this thread was about at all.. Lmfao

[lalalita]

Really? Lol that's not what this thread was about at all.. Lmfao

You're upset because he asked for a receipt, have posted quite a bit complaining about how you have supported him and he does not contribute due to whatever, and then say you have no problems with it and would do it again.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He has every right to ask for a receipt, but what I don't understand is why he doesn't just pay you monthly, as the rent is due???

He's not afraid you'll mismanage the money, he's afraid that your mood changes like the weather and you'll try to move out or throw him out and keep the money. I'm fairly certain that if something happened, you would keep the money, since you seem to feel it is owed to you. Stop being such a cunt about it.

[anonymous_a]

You're upset because he asked for a receipt, have posted quite a bit complaining about how you have supported him and he does not contribute due to whatever, and then say you have no problems with it and would do it again.

I'm not complaining. People ask for details, so I tell them.