Decisions, decisions....

[Confusedlove2]

Hi all. I'm new to this forum and thought this would be a good anonymous way to discuss some issues going on my life. Let me share some details. I've been married for 11 years...married my high school sweetheart. We have one child, a five year old son. Our friendship is awesome, we talk a lot and we always say I love you. Sexually, we are fairly regular, but that can vary with children. After we got married, my husband became more and more conservative. Religion is very important in our lives, but he is totally committed to the church. Needless to say, he's gone a lot and always helping others. My husband is a good man, but the spark we used to have is gone. I've talked to him about it several times and he says he will make it better...but it never lasts. I feel like I've taken the back seat to a lot of things. We have become more of a friendship than anything. Here comes the twister....

Being lonely, and looking for that spark, I placed an ad on craigslist looking for someone to help spice things up. I chatted with a few guys but one really intrigued me. We chatted off and on for a few months, and we are so compatible it's scary. He is married too, in a similar situation as I am. We decided to meet at a park, and we talked and walked around...it felt so right. The way he held my hand, put his arm around me...it felt natural. It began to rain. He pulled me close and kissed me deeply. From that moment I knew I was falling hard for this man. We met a couple more times at the park, just to talk and kiss, and continued to get to know each other. I kept falling deeper and deeper.

I finally started feeling guilty as my husband became a tad more attentive to me. I even told the other guy that we should break this off because we needed to work on our marriages. We couldn't stop emailing each other. We were too far gone. My husbands attentiveness was short lived...so I decided to try an affair with this man. By this time, we had moved to saying I love you to each other constantly. We met more frequently, and fell even deeper in love with one another. Finally, we reserved a room, and met on a weekend when our spouses were out of town and we made love. It was perfect.

Time has passed, and we are still so deeply in love. Neither one of us wants to destroy our families because we do care about our spouses and we love our children. But our conversations are daily taking the tone that we want to spend forever with each other. An email I received today was "you are my everything..my past present and future. I want you forever."

I guess what I'm trying to say is..I'm confused. After reading this, I'm sure many of you think I'm horrible, and I've felt guilty about it too...but at the same time I REALLY love this man. The way he looks at me, touches me, kisses me...it feels like I am dreaming. He listens to everything I say, and I can share anything with him and know I'm not going to be judged or thought of as a "freak." My husband and I have history though, and a precious child. And my husband really is a good man. I'm just asking for some input on the matter. I'm not making any fast decisions right now, but I know this will eventually come to a head and I'll have to do something. What do you guys think?

[4 ratties]

I think you should tell your husband your cheating on him. It's one thing to cheat,another to be lying and wasting his time. Let him be with a loyal woman he deserves. Just admit u gave up on the relationship. It's not all on him. It would be hard to work on a relationship with someone who is constantly talking to another man. You must be sneaking around alot and idk how u could keep hurting someone that you've been with for so long. Whether your still in love with him or not

[Boisdevie]

You've tried to fix the marriage but your husband doeasn't seem to be taking your concerns seriously. So divorce him.

[Idainaru]

I am against cheating, ALWAYS! When i even think of it, my guts twists...I dont know exactly how is your relationship with your husband, but i think that he deserves to know what is going on before you continue with this man. This is what you owe him for being a good husband to you (considering he didnt cheat you), even if the spark is missing in your marriage he deserved you to be fair to him.

And what i think also, this what you have with that man is just adventure...because that wouldnt happen if your man put more effort. If he did put a lot effort, you would be happy with him because you already was happy with him before, right? So, this doesnt mean you dont love your husband, and your husband doesnt love you. It means you both are having really hard time, and you found a cheap way to get out...another man.

What i also do think, is that it cant turn out good. You both are married and have children. Building luck on another person sorrow wont end good. I suggest to come clean to him before continue your affair and see what your husband will say. Perhaps it can still end good for both of you.

There is no going back now, you cant erase or forget what happen...you can only continue hurting him.

I wish you luck!

[TablesandChairs]

You're both adults, so while meeting in the park and sending 'I love you x 1000' emails back and forth is lovely, what's your next step? The emails will get boring at some point and meeting up in hotel rooms stays novel for only so long.

If you love each other 'forever', what are both of you going to do about it? Logically, divorce/separation. Unless both of you are happy to continue the lies forever, which would be highly unfair on your husband and his wife.

Be careful of infatuation. Both of you were being starved emotionally so of course, you look like steak to a starving lion to each other - hence why you found yourselves on craigslist. Your husband being a 'good' man to his community and church and what not is great, but it's clearly not enough to keep you happy or faithful - you didn't meet this other man by mistake, nor did he meet you by mistake. It was planned and you followed through with it.

[anonymous_a]

This new "love" sounds great, but does it sound familiar? The way you felt when your husband first came into the picture? It's impossible to work on your marriage when you have someone else in the picture. Either leave your husband asap, or STOP this affair. If you stop the affair, you need to tell your husband, that if he doesn't start taking your concerns seriously, you will leave him. You've brought up your concerns before, but have you ever threatened divorce? If you really feel like this new guy is your soul mate, then you NEED to divorce your husband! You can never really know the full potential of this new relationship, until you are both our of your marriages. Right now its fun because its sneaky. Its an adventure, as someone else said, it's naughty, so it's hot. All of this will fade when your relationship is no longer an affair.