My Ex Is Dating My Former Friend

[saca]

I was married to my ex (no kids) for just under a year, we divorced because he cheated on me. We had a friend at the time that I felt I was close to. After my divorce, my friend and I drifted apart (she was not involved in the divorce) and we hadn't spoken for several years.

Well, I've remained close to my former in-laws, and there's a family event coming up. It turns out that my ex is now dating my former friend. How should I react if we run into each other? Even though it's been nearly ten years, I still have a lot of hurt feelings about what my ex did to me, and I'm not sure how to feel about my "friend" dating him now.

[VincenzoG91]

Staying close to the former in-laws was a bad idea, because it has prevented you from recovering from your divorce for almost a decade. Don't go to the family event. Get on with your life.

[vashti]

I agree with Vincenzo. Not to sound harsh, but this is a *family* event, and you aren't family anymore, and you don't have kids that would have required you to maintain this connection. A lot of time has passed, and you should have been over this by now, and your continued involvement with HIS family has only kept you emotionally connected to your ex.

Make some other plans.

[saca]

Well, I have moved on, I have a boyfriend and he'll be coming with me to the party. I don't see why I shouldn't be close to people I like, and who like me. They invited me to the party, after all. I'm just not sure how to feel about my ex dating my old friend. Should I say or do something?

[vashti]

Well, I have moved on, I have a boyfriend and he'll be coming with me to the party. I don't see why I shouldn't be close to people I like, and who like me. They invited me to the party, after all. I'm just not sure how to feel about my ex dating my old friend. Should I say or do something?

Like what? "I know it's been a DECADE since we were together, but my feelings are hurt that you like her better than me"? Maybe throw a glass of wine at him for good measure?

Don't say or do anything. It will only make you look crazy, given the length of time that has passed.

[saca]

What if it had been last year? Or five years ago? At what point shouldn't it matter anymore? I just want to enjoy the party and don't know if I should go up and talk to him/them or what.

[VincenzoG91]

You haven't moved on, because you are still close to his family. You are forcing a potentially dramatic situation and then asking us for permission to create drama. Knock it off. Live your own life. Also, be honest with your current boyfriend about the nature of this event. He probably won't be interested in going anymore.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I can see why he divorced your crazy ass in the first place.

I think you would look crazy no matter how much time has passed, but 10 years just makes you look like a complete fool, which you've already proven to be.

Please cause a scene. Let her know in front of everyone how much she has betrayed you. Then post the results here please.

[Starnique]

They probably had feelings for each other all along. Anyway, don't go to the event. You really have no reason to keep in contact with these people. If you go to this event and show your ass, you will look like a complete nut. Just move on already.

[saca]

I can see why he divorced your crazy ass in the first place.

I think you would look crazy no matter how much time has passed, but 10 years just makes you look like a complete fool, which you've already proven to be.

Please cause a scene. Let her know in front of everyone how much she has betrayed you. Then post the results here please.

It's not that I want to cause a scene, these people are like my family and he's the one who cheated on me so why should I have to give them up? I'm probably in more of their family pictures than he is! But I do feel kind of betrayed that my so-called former friend would get involved with him. I know it's been a while, but still. And my boyfriend has gone with me to their events before, so he's fine with it. So, I'm just wondering what I should say when I see them. I don't know if they had feelings for each other all along, I don't think so (I hope not) but I think now they're getting serious and it's awkward. Now I'll have to see them together all the time.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why should you have to give them up?! It is HIS family. Maybe the reason he doesn't take pictures is because you will be in them. If you didn't want to stay married, fine, but at least leave the guy alone. He probably doesn't particularly like having to see you all the time, even if he says he has no problem. Were you this clingy during the relationship? Could have been something that pushed him to cheat on you.

How has she betrayed you? You got divorced, moved on to another man(somewhat), and it's been 10 years. You weren't even friends with her when they started dating. You had no control over who he ****ed when you were married, why should you get a say in it now? Get the **** over yourself.

[VincenzoG91]

It's not that I want to cause a scene, these people are like my family and he's the one who cheated on me so why should I have to give them up? I'm probably in more of their family pictures than he is! But I do feel kind of betrayed that my so-called former friend would get involved with him. I know it's been a while, but still. And my boyfriend has gone with me to their events before, so he's fine with it. So, I'm just wondering what I should say when I see them. I don't know if they had feelings for each other all along, I don't think so (I hope not) but I think now they're getting serious and it's awkward. Now I'll have to see them together all the time.

You have to give up his family, because it's his family, and because this attachment has you stuck ten years in the past. Stop it. Seriously, stop it. Spend more time with your own family and friends. This relationship with his family is inappropriate and very misguided. I can understand that they were sympathetic because he cheated on you, but clinging to that connection is just clinging to a negative event from the past.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Vincenzo is right. Of all the forums you chose to put this in the Broken Hearts section. There's a reason for that. Don't go, move on.




Side question..where do you live?

[VincenzoG91]

Oh the hell with it. It's clear that you are going to go, no matter what we say.

In that case, get drunk before you show up, so you have a handy excuse for anything that you say or do. When you see your ex, throw a big temper tantrum and say everything that you have wanted to say for ten years. If your former friend interrupts you, go all Jerry Springer and throw your shoe at her, then move in close for a serious mutual hair-pulling contest. After the cops haul you away in handcuffs, you should finally feel that sense of closure that has been denied to you all these years. Then you can finally get on with your life.

[danizephyr]

yes, stay away from his family. if you were really over him, you wouldn't care who he's dating.