loving her flaws

[jameslarkin]

my question: how many flaws can you love before its too much ? how much can you accept ?


ok so i accept that its over between me and my ex of just over a week ago, and slowly realising that love is blind and that we were probably never meant to be.

how ever i do question myself on quite a few things, and i often wonder if just accepted her flaws could we still be together now ???

i accepted some of her flaws and think i was pretty patient, her flaws being
1. She started stripping about a month after we met each other
2. she has quite a temper and through something in my general direction quite early on
3. she has some sex issues which means she has mental blocks to do with having sex
4. she can be quite a slob, very very messy and not very clean

how ever this is the deal breaker
5. she has a very flirtatious side to her, which she told me early on was a problem and that she need a certain amount of attention from men.

but after going through her facebook account i found a few conversations with guys that were very highly sexualised through out the time we were together, also we split up a few times over the year we were together, and in the times that we were together there was one particular guy that she would also go to to exchange naked photos and so on, i told her that i couldn't be with her anymore, and basically is was because i couldn't stand her talking / seeing this guy anymore


my question: how many flaws can you love before its too much ? how much can you accept ?

[Boisdevie]

Sounds like you are a bit of a doormat to put up with all that crap. Scared of being single are we?

[missprisss]

These aren't really flaws that anyone should have to deal with. If she was stripping solely to make money, then that would be one thing, but the fact that she is constantly flirting with other guys and having sexy conversations with them, shows that she strips for the attention, not the money. She clearly has some deep problems that she needs to work through. Her temper is something that you may have been able to look over, IF she was willing to correct it, like getting anger management classes. She sounds like a ticking time bomb. Good on you for getting out when you did!

[jameslarkin]

"Scared of being single are we?"

yes i am scared of being alone most people are, we're only human, also on top of that i loved her a great deal and i wasn't willing to give up, yeh i took a risk in staying with her hoping that one day she would give up on stripping and her photography work would finally take off, but there is only so much a guy can take i did everything i could she just wasn't into me as much as i was into her other wise she wouldn't be doing these things. also there is no need for what you said, this is my first post and already had my suspicions about this forum after all the checks i had when signing up, and your comment is the first i see exactly what i expected, i'm so glad i got this next comment so i guess there might be hope for this forum, anyway i won't be entertaining any more of your comments.

These aren't really flaws that anyone should have to deal with. If she was stripping solely to make money, then that would be one thing, but the fact that she is constantly flirting with other guys and having sexy conversations with them, shows that she strips for the attention, not the money. She clearly has some deep problems that she needs to work through. Her temper is something that you may have been able to look over, IF she was willing to correct it, like getting anger management classes. She sounds like a ticking time bomb. Good on you for getting out when you did!

thanks for clearing that up for me misspriss, its hard to know if certain flaws are ok while others should be over looked, when your in love sometimes its hard to see the bad in people, and also i think i can be insecure which also doesnt help not seeing the bad in people

[basilandthyme]

James, the flaws that one might overlook would include: forgetting to take the teacups back to the kitchen. Covering a gourmet meal with tomato sauce. Getting a bit too drunk a few times a year. leaving the toilet seat up. farting in bed. needing reminding to do the banking.

The stuff you described would be dealbreakers individually - and combined should tell you to run for the hills.

[jameslarkin]

im so glad you said that, it really makes me feel better about the break up, cos i do dwell on weather or not what she said about how badly i treated her was true or not, i already worked out that she is emotionally abusive, but when you are told oh you do this, or you do this you end up thinking shit i might be quite a bad boy friend shit, and then you question your self

[Over The Fence]

If you don't feel right about the relationship, then you need to listen to yourself. Basil hit it right on when she said that these are all flags that would send most of us running. In this case my friend, simply don't look back.

[jameslarkin]

the thing is i broke up with her 4 times during the year we were together, an alarm in itself but each time we would discuss things and try and work it out, i think part of it is that we wanted to keep trying because we both want to settle down and wanted to do what ever it took to make sure things worked out, by the sounds of it i wanted it more than she did, but hey you only learn these lessons after you break up

[basilandthyme]

But even if she did want to settle down as much as you did, the fact remains that the two of you still weren't compatible. No amount of determination will make a square shape fit in a round hole.

[jameslarkin]

your right how ever i was in love and found it hard to see her flaws i won't be so blind in future

[michelle23]

All 5 of those should be deal breakers.. I agree with b&t. The only "flaws" I would accept would be leaving the toilet seat up, burning food occasionally, weird eating habits such as mixing curry with cheese (some people like it but I think its disgusting), snoring sometimes, leaving dirty socks on the bathroom floor, leaving all the windows open or all the lights on etc.

Those are irritating little habits that are not deal breakers. Everyone has a few irritating things about them. One of my exes hated the fact that I lick my fingers after eating tatoes but it doesn't bother my now bf at all lol

You should have dumped her the first month and never looked back

[Kromat83]

Better to be single, than to be taken advantage of.
There are so many girls out there, that if you are a good enough person for them, you'll find someone of quality and not an attention seeking whore.
With my personality and hobbies, I'm sure I can make a girl happy, but I know until I am where I want to be career wise, I wont be happy, and she'll just be miserable staying around until there is enough progress and i just can't be that person to that too.

[Valixy]

Unconditional love does not apply for partners but for parents and children and even in that case there are limitations.

Not accepting disrespect, lying, cheating is essential for having a healthy relationship.

[michelle23]

I agree ^^. Love can not be unconditional-not even with a parent-child relationship IMO. There are certain things you cannot accept. If your child grew up to be a serial killer and rapist, would you still love them? Or would you hate yourself for giving birth to such a monster?

Unconditional love implies that there are no conditions. That this person you love can do ANYTHING and you will still love them which is BS. You cannot continue to love someone who treats you like absolute dirt unless you hate yourself and honestly believe you cant do any better-and in that scenario then you need help. Everyone should have boundaries, things that are deal breakers. Its called self respect. I would not stay with someone who cheats, lies, abuses me or is an addict. Those are my deal breakers. I have many more such as never being put first, if hes very selfish, lazy, a slob etc. Its important to know what you will or wont tolerate and to aim high.

[4 ratties]

Sounds like u got out of there just in time.
This girl needs serious counseling for her apparent daddy issues.