[Urgent help] Is it normal for a guy to be THAT agressive in first date?????

[okigen]

Hi guys, I am in a dilemma and would really, really appreciate if you could help!!!!

To give you a background, I am a female Asian currently studying in Europe, he is an African American currently living in Europe as well. Im in mid-20s and he's in mid-30s. The guy is smart, quick and really helpful. We just met recently and had two nice conversations. Finally, I suggested going somewhere and he recommended a bar themed with Latin dancing, which both of us love.

The first hour in the bar went well... Then as soon as we got down the dance floor, he started to stick his body onto me. Well, Latin dancing is very passionate, but that doesnt necessarily mean we have to stick together like two pieces of paper. Then he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. At that time I was quite surprised but decided to move on with it anyway. We kept on dancing that way... Finally, he asked me not to go home tonight, but I insisted on going home so he walked me home and gave me a goodbye hug (not kiss anymore). While we were sitting on the train back home he also commented on my tights (clearly because he was looking at my legs ). I sent him a message thanking for the night, which he replied promptly.

Now I'm very confused. Before the date I was really interested in the guy, but it's obvious that our ideas of dating are far different from each other. Please, European and American guys, could you tell me whether that kind of aggressiveness is normal and acceptable in your culture? Should I trust this guy and give him a second date?

[surfhb2]

Seems pretty timid and respectful to me

[searock]

I'm European, and the behavior you described didn't seem aggressive to me at all. Just playful and flirty. Although I must admit I wouldn't have liked the kiss on the cheek either (unless it was just a slight "peck", a greeting thing), coming from a guy I just met.

However, if his behavior made you feel uncomfortable, it likely means you two aren't compatible.

[missprisss]

He is not a mind reader. If you are uncomfortable with something you need to express it through body language. It didn't seem aggressive to me.

[Starnique]

I agree with all of the above. It seems like a normal date and he was just really attracted and into you. I wouldnt mind all of that unless I wasn't really into the guy. I'm not much.of a kisser unless I know the guy and it depends on who it is. I don't go around kissing people so the kiss may have threw me off.

[Wakeup]

Hi guys, I am in a dilemma and would really, really appreciate if you could help!!!!

To give you a background, I am a female Asian currently studying in Europe, he is an African American currently living in Europe as well. Im in mid-20s and he's in mid-30s. The guy is smart, quick and really helpful. We just met recently and had two nice conversations. Finally, I suggested going somewhere and he recommended a bar themed with Latin dancing, which both of us love.

The first hour in the bar went well... Then as soon as we got down the dance floor, he started to stick his body onto me. Well, Latin dancing is very passionate, but that doesnt necessarily mean we have to stick together like two pieces of paper. Then he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. At that time I was quite surprised but decided to move on with it anyway. We kept on dancing that way... Finally, he asked me not to go home tonight, but I insisted on going home so he walked me home and gave me a goodbye hug (not kiss anymore). While we were sitting on the train back home he also commented on my tights (clearly because he was looking at my legs ). I sent him a message thanking for the night, which he replied promptly.

Now I'm very confused. Before the date I was really interested in the guy, but it's obvious that our ideas of dating are far different from each other. Please, European and American guys, could you tell me whether that kind of aggressiveness is normal and acceptable in your culture? Should I trust this guy and give him a second date?

I think you should probably wait and see if he even asks you out on one before you accept or not. (or did I miss where you said he had asked you out again and you just haven't responded to that invite as yet?)

If he does, then keep in mind that he was pushing the envelope to see if you'd have sex with him on the first date (by asking you not to go home but I assume to stay with him at his) other then that what he did doesn't seem out of the ordinary for the club scene. If you think he disrespected you then I suspect your not very compatible in the long run anyway.

[smackie9]

I see it as you both have different dating style, which would tell me you are not compatible. How about tying a different type of date that doesn't involve going to a club, say dinner and a nice walk and see how it goes.

[Starnique]

I forgot about the fact that he asked you to go home with him. I don't think I would have cared for that either. If you go on another date with him and it comes across as being aggressive then you have to let him know how you feel about that. He may assume that you like it. This way, you can see if he respect your likes/dislikes or not.

[anonymous_a]

I see what everyone is saying about him asking you to go home with him, BUT you could take it as a positive thing. If he asks you out again, that means he respects your decision. The fact you turned down sex on the first date shows that you're not easy, and it may work well in your favor!

[searock]

Plus there's no harm in asking... maybe he simply isn't looking for anything serious? You should ask him what he is looking for, if he asks you out (or you ask him out) again.

[okigen]

Hi guys and girls,

Yes I have just moved to Europe for a while and before that lived my whole life in a place where most of these actions are considered very rude... Guess I'm suffering from a cultural shock. Still, the gap makes me rethink of continuing this relationship. Thanks so much for giving me advices!

[smackie9]

Hey if it doesn't feel right to you then it's not. There is no sense is wasting each others time right?

[DinsdalePiranha]

I'm voting for aggressive but not too far gone with it. Yeah, the guy wants to get laid and he's right out there with it. Know why? It's gotten him laid before.

It that approach is too much for you OP, you'll need to be very clear and very firm with him about your boundaries. Or date someone else.

[michelle23]

I wouldn't trust him. I think he was too aggressive for a first date. The sexy dancing and him blatantly asking you to go home with him is a red flag IMO. I made the first move with my bf after dating for 2 weeks. I prefer guys who are passive at first until they get a signal from me. It shows me that he is not using me at all if hes not in a hurry to get to the finish line. My opinion: stay away from this guy. If he was interested in dating you-a proper relationship then he wouldn't be in such a hurry to get laid.

[fearoflove]

His motive is to get laid. He is going to become impatient and be expecting sex soon. If you are not that kind of girl, don't go on another date with him.