How did this happen ???

[Valixy]

I think that you can either follow your perception on things or speak openly to her about what's happening. Either way, if you decide to finish with her, there's no reason to do it without showing a minimum of respect and kindness.

[IWS2013]

So now....Nothing more to do but still wait for her to reply ?

[toknow]

Yes. Let her contact you again. I'm 99.9% certain she will. Because now you've made her wonder what this means, because your response didn't give any clues as to the state of your relationship.

[IWS2013]

Thanks....I miss her like heck

[K_6]

Next time choose a woman with children and be ready to offer the same total understanding you're asking for.

[IWS2013]

She callled me at 4am but left no message (I went to bed around 3:30)......

[smackie9]

You know if you want to look things over again, you have to have the talk with her. And you need to be aggressive about YOUR needs and that you want honesty and not BS calls about "being smothered" tell her she needs to "deal" with whatever she can't cope with. She needs to stop hiding and come out with it. Maybe mention no more drinking because it make things not so comfortable with you. She's got some baggage, best of luck to you.

[IWS2013]

Understood.

The thought of her perhaps out with other guys is killing me, but it's something I need to rise above mentally, since it would be something I cannot stop !|

But as BAD as I am dying to call her, she used that smother word the other day.

Plus, I wrote in that E-mail I pasted above about giving it a few days to a week.

Should I give it until Weds, perhaps, unless she contacts me sooner (at a less strange hour)?

[IWS2013]

There is no worse feeling than when you are with an amazing woman, and then you lose focus of the impact of some of your choices on her. To hear that you were making her feel "smothered" (when you had no idea you were doing so is one thing)...but to have her say within the same day that I'm "the one that creates the distance and disconnect when were not together", is a total paradox.

THEN...to see her text me after I've cut her off and see she wrote: "I realize that I've pushed you so far away and ended the one thing in my life that actually made me happy and a better person. So from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. There's no need to respond, because I know we're done and there's no reason to prolong the inevitable. Just know that I do love you...but at this point that's probably irrelevant."....IT HURTS !

Then she texts me on my son's birthday.
And then calls me at 4AM (no voice mail).

I am in love with her, and I am positive she is in love with me, and I want her to see that her overwhelmed feelings are independent of my presence in her life............................BUT............... ...............All I want to do is run to her, but that would only cause her to feel I am pushing/smothering OR acting weak and crumbling....

Or would it?
Or would it NOT?
Or would it?
Or would it NOT?

Uggh...this SUCKS !!!

[IWS2013]

AND NOW.....I just got this text from her !!!
"Obviously your not responding to me. But this sucks...I've been at my sister's all day and wish you were here."

What the HECK do I do?????????????????

[toknow]

You have to respond to her at some point or as I said before you are very likely to lose her - don't over do it. Now that you've been consistent and shown you meant what you did, I would say it's perhaps time to start fixing things.

[IWS2013]

I responded and she said she was headed home, so I left it as is.

So she got back to me at 3:45am with a crazy text:

"I am so disgusted that I ever brought you into my life. There are no more regrets....I'm just thankful I trusted my gut. You will never hear from me again. So good luck with your manipulating antics. Because you ALMOST fooled me!!!!! Deleted and done!!!!!!! Goodbye!!!!!!!"

To which I just responded now (8 hours later):

"Take a hard look at yourself before throwing stones and judging me !"


And so it goes !

;-(

[smackie9]

Dude just grow a set and have a talk with her......in person, stop with this texting crap.

But still IMO she's unstable....there is something wrong with her. You seem like a great caring guy, and I don't see how wanting to care about someone is "smothering". She's very passive aggressive....this is damaging and hurtful....why would anyone want to do that to someone you actually was in love with? She's nuts, and even if you reconciled with her, this crap with her will rear it's ugly head again over and over. Maybe finding out now has make you dodge a bullet.

[toknow]

I told you she would contact you and she did, but I also told you not to overdo ignoring her. What did you respond before the last response?

When someone is angry that's the worst time to talk - they might say things they don't mean and/or things they mean but never would normally say.

You should not have responded to her last message and with what you did. This way you are treating her like an enemy. Don't trow back "insults" at her - you'll only make it easier for her to forget you doing that.

Believe it or not, I don't think she is done with you. Once she cools down she will see this in a whole different light and most likely will miss you. But you should not have responded the way you did - it definitely diminishes your chances.

"Obviously your not responding to me. But this sucks...I've been at my sister's all day and wish you were here."
This would have been a great time for you to have responded to her after her message above. You didn't have to respond with "I miss you too" or anything like that. You could have taken it slow, but when she is in that state emotionally, there is so many things you could have done to repair the relationship. She was emotionally very receptive and it would have been easy to mend things.

[IWS2013]

Toknow, I responded to that text yesterday with, "Hey, how are you guys?", and she replied she was headed home.

I think she is going off the deep end...

She replied to the text from today;
"When I continue to find out more and more lies....I have no choice but to feel justified for walking away."

and I wrote;

"So keep dreaming up reasons to walk away from me instead of communicating with me. If you plan on self-destructing and self-sabotaging, then no matter how much I love or cherish you would have ever made you happy."

I have no idea what she is talking about, and I don't want to feed into it!

;-(