How did this happen ???

[smackie9]

Yes, but after that call, any more attempts to contact her will look odd.
I really think it is in her court, since she has the issue with me, no?

You are exactly right. Why should YOU have to FIX her problems when none of those problems you created...it's all in her head...the voices in her head. (JK)

[smackie9]

Do not treat her like a stranger or you will lose her. You have to treat her like someone very close to you. That's why you shouldn't get defensive about it, nor "insult" her in any way. And note, you can do that by the way you react to her even if you don't realize it.

Love can erase doubt. And even though you are showing some distance by not being emotional with her right after you had deleted her profile, etc., your love for her should still manifest itself and not make her feel like you are a stranger to her.

I feel he handled this perfectly fine, like any normal adult would....since she is not being normal, she will not respond positive to anything he does or says....

[toknow]

I feel he handled this perfectly fine, like any normal adult would....since she is not being normal, she will not respond positive to anything he does or says....

He could have handled it much better, but hopefully he didn't do any damage to his being on top of things.

When you say to many things too fast, you can get many conflicting emotions - it's like a pot of soup, when you trow too many ingredients it's harder for you to figure out the taste. When you have too much thrown in at the same time in resolving a problem, your brain can not give the timing needed for the information to be processed and a reaction to that information to form. Meaning, throwing in too many things to resolve, but not spending the time needed to resolve any of them.

[smackie9]

He didn't do anything wrong...damage what? she is the one that is doing the damage....shame on you. He has been quite mature through this whole thing. He never raised his voice to her, called her names, was never abusive....that is why he is so confused, it's because he has done nothing wrong. Anything he does she's going to make it into something that's against her, acting like the victim.

[toknow]

He didn't do anything wrong...damage what? she is the one that is doing the damage....shame on you. He has been quite mature through this whole thing. He never raised his voice to her, called her names, was never abusive....that is why he is so confused, it's because he has done nothing wrong. Anything he does she's going to make it into something that's against her, acting like the victim.

You are completely incorrect. He is definitely not without fault, as innocent as he might seem in this situation. She is not just responding out of nowhere. There is a reason for her acting that way. One example is, even with kids, he needed to find the time to respond to her calls when their relationship was in good condition.

[smackie9]

IWS2013 I will tell you of my experience with someone like this. I had this BF that accused me of crap continuously. This all started about 6 months into our relationship. When we were out in public he would accuse me of looking at other guys, or I was cheating on him because a guy would talk to me at school. It was endless. It didn't matter if I professed my love for him, defended myself or tried to ignore him.....it just never stopped. When it got bad I would break up with him...he would apologize, be good for about two weeks and it would start all over again. He made me feel so guilty I started to no talk to my friends anymore, I pretty much ended up isolating myself in order to keep the things stable....and to think I did this BS for two years until I had enough. I wasted my time trying to "fix" things with him......don't waste your time on this kind of relationship. It is not worth it.

[smackie9]

You are completely incorrect. He is definitely not without fault, as innocent as he might seem in this situation. She is not just responding out of nowhere. There is a reason for her acting that way. One example is, even with kids, he needed to find the time to respond to her calls when their relationship was in good condition.

It was one ****ing day he couldn't respond and she gets bat shit crazy.....that's a problem alright and it's not his.

[toknow]

It was one ****ing day he couldn't respond and she gets bat shit crazy.....that's a problem alright and it's not his.

You don't know the whole story. So don't be so certain.

Your telling him he isn't doing anything wrong is not going to help him, I promise you that.

[IWS2013]

Well, as I mentioned, I was concerned with her drinking. Whenever I tried to bring it up, she told me I was judging her or controlling her. Textbook responses. So, I had a good relationship with her sister and her brother-in-law, and a few months back, I contacted her sister and brother-in-law about it. Not out of malice; out of the hopes that someone would get through to her. I spoke to her brother-in-law and her sister after (they wanted to know more and see if it's gotten any better). I forgot about that.

SO...she just calls me and asks me if I ever contacted her sister and brother-in-law about her drinking and I said, Yes, I did, back in April. She said now she knows why she's been getting pounded by her sister and brother-in-law over drinking and telling them not to judge her. She said her sister showed their Mom the message back then, and she just found out about it from her Mom.

She said to completely delete me from her life, that we could never be, and how can I do that to her and involve her family. I said it was not done during a fight, rather, it was done after being frustrated with not being able to get through to her over her habit, and I needed to help her and not stand by and watch her slowly kill herself.

She was not too keen over it. She asked why I never told her. I said why would I? So you could turn it around?

We said bye....and that was it....

[toknow]

Well, as I mentioned, I was concerned with her drinking. Whenever I tried to bring it up, she told me I was judging her or controlling her. Textbook responses. So, I had a good relationship with her sister and her brother-in-law, and a few months back, I contacted her sister and brother-in-law about it. Not out of malice; out of the hopes that someone would get through to her. I spoke to her brother-in-law and her sister after (they wanted to know more and see if it's gotten any better). I forgot about that.

SO...she just calls me and asks me if I ever contacted her sister and brother-in-law about her drinking and I said, Yes, I did, back in April. She said now she knows why she's been getting pounded by her sister and brother-in-law over drinking and telling them not to judge her. She said her sister showed their Mom the message back then, and she just found out about it from her Mom.

She said to completely delete me from her life, that we could never be, and how can I do that to her and involve her family. I said it was not done during a fight, rather, it was done after being frustrated with not being able to get through to her over her habit, and I needed to help her and not stand by and watch her slowly kill herself.

She was not too keen over it. She asked why I never told her. I said why would I? So you could turn it around?

We said bye....and that was it....

How recent was this?

[toknow]

Sure, he could have handled it better. But, at the end of the day, if she is the unstable one he is still trying to polish a turd.

How old are you Toknow? Just curious. Why are you so stuck on *this* particular relationship working out? Most of them don't, for reasons far more trivial than this one. I wonder what is your experience in long relationships... you sound like someone trying to be wise, but without much experience. No offense, it's good to test your theories, but know that most of them implode in the face of reality that involves dealing with others.

In my case, I spent 20 years trying to polish a turd. Sometimes, you just have to take the lessons learned and move on.

Up to you IWS2013... do you want to try to make something work with this woman, after all you have seen?

You are making me laugh. Was that your intention?

[IWS2013]

She called me again to ream me out over this and asked me for a copy of what I sent

[toknow]

She called me again to ream me out over this and asked me for a copy of what I sent

It could be this is her way of achieving contact with you. It wouldn't surprise me if she is using it to keep communication open with you.

[IWS2013]

She said as much as she loves me, it was the nail in the coffin. Not sure

[toknow]

She said as much as she loves me, it was the nail in the coffin. Not sure

I don't know why, but I don't believe it. She is very emotional, when she cools off she will be different.

Note she always texts you in the heat of the moment, when she is not thinking clearly, but lets her negative emotions do the talking. When she does cool off she misses you.

Problem with solving this now is, the focus has shifted to the wrong thing.

And again, even if she treats you as a stranger, do not respond to her with the same, because this is a sure way of breaking a relationship. You have to show her, how to treat you.