Girlfriend broke up with me and got engaged, then broke her engagement

[IMH]

Hi Guys,

My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 9 months ago. We were talking till March 2013 and stayed friends. Then in June 2013 I came to know that she got engaged. She did not even mention it to me. She lives miles away from me. When I heard the news, I ran to see her and asking her to come back to me but all in vain. Even though she was engaged, she was in contact with me. Talking to me everyday on the phone, showing that she was worried about me. 3 weeks ago she told me that she is not engaged anymore and she is not going to marry that guys.

We have come close after break up and she says that she loved me very much but she is out of that love phase now.

To be honest guys I was indifferent to her feelings for sometime. The only reason for that was, I wanted to marry her and she didn't even mention my name to her parents. So I felt bit rejected at that time. But I am very sorry about it and she knows it very well. I was so sorry that I wanted to commit suicide. She knows that I love her very much and she loved me more than anything when we were together.

I just want her back. Friends say you should move on but I love her very much and can not think of being with someone else. Please advise what to do?

[michelle23]

Why do you want her back? She lives miles away. She never told her parents about you. She moved on fairly fast after your breakup. Shes been using you as an emotional tampon and enjoying the attention you give her for 9 months, all the time giving you false hope and mixed signals only to then tell you she doesn't want you. 4 reasons not to get back together. Can you think of any more?

[IMH]

Why do you want her back? She lives miles away. She never told her parents about you. She moved on fairly fast after your breakup. Shes been using you as an emotional tampon and enjoying the attention you give her for 9 months, all the time giving you false hope and mixed signals only to then tell you she doesn't want you. 4 reasons not to get back together. Can you think of any more?

Thank you so much michelle23. Yes, all the reasons given by you are valid.

She always says that she does not want to give me any false hope and then says all kind of things like how nice I am, how loyal I am, how much I trusted her, how much I loved her.

I only wanted to marry her and take our relationship to next level. She only broke up with me saying that I was not nice to her for three days then she said I was not nice to her for two years which was like a shock to me. Why did she stay with me for so long if I was not nice with her for two years? We lived in together for 4 years as we studied and worked together in the same city.

I know that she loved me very much and she always said that she would marry me and she can not think of marrying someone else. I took good care of her and she acknowledges it but says that any good friend would do it which is very hurtful.

She said she will come to my city, may be next month. She wants to spend some time with me and wants me to take her around.

Does she want to come back to me or is she only being nice to me? Don't Know.

Thank You.

[michelle23]

Is it possible she left you for someone else? Could she have been having an emotional affair? When people do that (blame you for all the "problems" in your relationship, it usually means there is someone else)

Anyway you need to grow a backbone and learn to say NO to her. "NO I don't want to be your friend, NO I don't want you to come and visit me, NO I don't want to be your male girlfriend, emotional tampon or gay best friend. If you don't want me back as your boyfriend then f**k off out of my life and stop wasting my time".

All she is doing is giving you false hope and preventing you from healing and being able to move on and be happy with someone else. It is cruel to try and keep you in her life because she is lonely or bored or craving attention. Its selfish and you really need to cut all contact so you can get over her

[VincenzoG91]

She sounds like a trainwreck. Avoid her or prepare for more pain.

[4 ratties]

This will only end in more heartache. Quit trying to be friends with an Ex. It doesn't work like that

[IMH]

Is it possible she left you for someone else? Could she have been having an emotional affair? When people do that (blame you for all the "problems" in your relationship, it usually means there is someone else)

Anyway you need to grow a backbone and learn to say NO to her. "NO I don't want to be your friend, NO I don't want you to come and visit me, NO I don't want to be your male girlfriend, emotional tampon or gay best friend. If you don't want me back as your boyfriend then f**k off out of my life and stop wasting my time".

All she is doing is giving you false hope and preventing you from healing and being able to move on and be happy with someone else. It is cruel to try and keep you in her life because she is lonely or bored or craving attention. Its selfish and you really need to cut all contact so you can get over her

Thank you very much for your valuable comments.

No, I am very sure that she did not leave me for someone else. But it is true as well that she moved on very quickly and got engaged. She broke the engagement within two months and she told me that she never wanted to get married. And yes, she blamed me for not doing enough to save our relationship.

This has been the worst experience of my life but I am sure with the passage of time things will become better.

Many thanks again Michelle23.

[IMH]

Yes that is what I thought and I was not in contact with her for two months and she got engaged. She is not engaged anymore though. She broke up within two months.

I am too scared to loose her and I still think that she will come back to me if she really loved me which she says she did. I also believe that she loved me more than anything else in this world.

I still have this feeling of guilt that I lost her because of my own mistakes and it is killing me.

Thank you.

[IMH]

She sounds like a trainwreck. Avoid her or prepare for more pain.

Yes she is an emotional disaster. But I still love her very much and want her back in my life.

[michelle23]

I know its hard. She was a big part of your life and its not easy to let go but you need to make it easier for yourself in the long run. You need to accept that it is over and there is no turning back. Don't listen to her when she tries to blame you. You are hurting enough as it is and that is emotional abuse. It is cruel for her to tell you its all your fault when you didn't do anything wrong.

When I broke up with my ex, I knew how hard it was for him and I left him alone. I really wanted him to move on and meet someone else. It would have been nice to stay friends coz hes a really nice bloke but I wouldn't do that as I think it just makes it harder for him to move on and its unfair. I broke up with him coz he just wasn't my type. He didn't do anything wrong. I felt smothered at the time, I felt like he was too needy and clingy but he wasn't really. He was totally normal. I was the problem. I wasn't ready for a new relationship as my ex hurt me before that which is why I felt so smothered but even though at the time I was so sure he was the problem, I never told him that. Instead I told him hes a really great guy and he deserves to be happy with someone who feels the same for him. She is being a b**ch by saying that shite to you.

You do need to move on now and tell her that you cant be friends and that she needs to respect that and leave you alone. Tell her you dont want her to text you, ring you, email you or turn up at your house. Tell her its over and to stay out of your life. Its for the best

[VincenzoG91]

Yes she is an emotional disaster. But I still love her very much and want her back in my life.

Then be assertive about your needs. Take her back, but only on your terms. If she can't treat you right, you will never be happy with her and you should just move on.

[IMH]

I know its hard. She was a big part of your life and its not easy to let go but you need to make it easier for yourself in the long run. You need to accept that it is over and there is no turning back. Don't listen to her when she tries to blame you. You are hurting enough as it is and that is emotional abuse. It is cruel for her to tell you its all your fault when you didn't do anything wrong.

When I broke up with my ex, I knew how hard it was for him and I left him alone. I really wanted him to move on and meet someone else. It would have been nice to stay friends coz hes a really nice bloke but I wouldn't do that as I think it just makes it harder for him to move on and its unfair. I broke up with him coz he just wasn't my type. He didn't do anything wrong. I felt smothered at the time, I felt like he was too needy and clingy but he wasn't really. He was totally normal. I was the problem. I wasn't ready for a new relationship as my ex hurt me before that which is why I felt so smothered but even though at the time I was so sure he was the problem, I never told him that. Instead I told him hes a really great guy and he deserves to be happy with someone who feels the same for him. She is being a b**ch by saying that shite to you.

You do need to move on now and tell her that you cant be friends and that she needs to respect that and leave you alone. Tell her you dont want her to text you, ring you, email you or turn up at your house. Tell her its over and to stay out of your life. Its for the best

Yes, I guess you are right. You are right when you say that it is over. She says all that nasty stuff like I can never keep her happy. It is so disturbing. You are right that I need to move on but she is not letting me move on. On one hand she says that I should not expect anything from her while on the other hand she msgs me if I do not contact her.

She is trying to confuse me.

Thank you.

[ela]

I think you will feel incredibly good once you tell her you have realized you don't want her in your life anymore and that you are ready to move on.

Who does she think she is ? Don't waste any more of your precious time on her. She is not coming back. Even if she did, could you forgive her for what she did ? If she came back running to you and apologized and begged for another chance I would understand but it sounds sick how she is using you and your attention.

[IMH]

I think you will feel incredibly good once you tell her you have realized you don't want her in your life anymore and that you are ready to move on.

Who does she think she is ? Don't waste any more of your precious time on her. She is not coming back. Even if she did, could you forgive her for what she did ? If she came back running to you and apologized and begged for another chance I would understand but it sounds sick how she is using you and your attention.

Hi,

Yes I think you are right, when you say that I will feel good when I am ready to move on. But I think it is my weakness that I am too loyal to everyone, be it my friends or my love. The day I saw her, since then I have never looked at anyone else, never ever thought about anyone else. She knows it very well and praises me for my commitment and loyalty. She was committed as well to me, but maybe she was not loyal to me to stay with me in bad times as well. She makes me feel that our relationship was too weak which broke within few months of not seeing each other.

Yesterday she begged me forgiveness, saying that she is selfish and she shouldn't have backed off like the way she did. But she can not come back to me because I did not treat her well and she is too scared. She said, she is very egoistic and can not accept anyone in her life who is not nice to her. I agreed with her that she is being selfish now because she knows very well how sorry I am and how much I love her.

My friends tell me the same thing which you mentioned in your comment that it is not a small thing that I am still able forgive her after what she did to me.

I also agree that she needs more attention than normal girls. But I love her very much and ready to give her all the attention she desire for. But I think she really wants something else in life. She has changed so much.

Thank you very much for your comments.

[IMH]

I think you will feel incredibly good once you tell her you have realized you don't want her in your life anymore and that you are ready to move on.

Who does she think she is ? Don't waste any more of your precious time on her. She is not coming back. Even if she did, could you forgive her for what she did ? If she came back running to you and apologized and begged for another chance I would understand but it sounds sick how she is using you and your attention.

Hi,

Yes I think you are right, when you say that I will feel good when I am ready to move on. But I think it is my weakness that I am too loyal to everyone, be it my friends or my love. The day I saw her, since then I have never looked at anyone else, never ever thought about anyone else. She knows it very well and praises me for my commitment and loyalty. She was committed as well to me, but maybe she was not loyal to me to stay with me in bad times as well. She makes me feel that our relationship was too weak which broke within few months of not seeing each other.

Yesterday she begged me forgiveness, saying that she is selfish and she shouldn't have backed off like the way she did. But she can not come back to me because I did not treat her well and she is too scared. She said, she is very egoistic and can not accept anyone in her life who is not nice to her. I agreed with her that she is being selfish now because she knows very well how sorry I am and how much I love her.

My friends tell me the same thing which you mentioned in your comment that it is not a small thing that I am still able forgive her after what she did to me.

I also agree that she needs more attention than normal girls. But I love her very much and ready to give her all the attention she desire for. But I think she really wants something else in life. She has changed so much.

Thank you very much for your comments.