long distance new girl and ex situation

[Simpo]

So I failed to listen to the advice I was given and put myself in a tricky situation:

So I started chatting to this girl online and we hit it off but she lived 5 hours away. After 2 months of chatting online we decided to meet but since she is still at school couldn't afford to travel so I want down to meet her. We ended up hitting it off and had a nice time together. She decided to sleep over at a hotel that I was staying at and we ended up having sex a few times (her suggestion to which we both agreed on). We had an awesome time together and was really nice but there was a couple things about her that made me think that a serious relationship may not work. 1, She is young and quite immature 2, distance between us 3, her plans to go to uni even further away. So basically

The second part of this situation is my ex... we broke up back in April due to her moving away and she said she couldn't handle long distance and some things on her side that went unexplained. So now she has now moved back up for uni but is in a new relationship which happens to be long distance with a guy closer to where she lives. We are meant to be going to an event together that we booked while we were still together and agreed to go as friends if we did break up which we did. She messaged me lately asking to meet up for a drink to talk about the event and room situation at the travelodge we're booked at which makes sense. But she has started trying to talk to my friends again and get friendly with them and asked a couple of them about me which seems strange to me and feels a bit like she is sending me some mixed signals. I've also seen her typing in facebook chat a few times but never sending a message through ???

So basically I might have to end the relationship with the long distance girl to save us both heart break further down the line but I'm starting to feel these old feelings coming back for my ex and just overall feeling confused by her actions. Part of me still cares about her but knows that she isn't the best of gf's but part of me thinks could she change if she did have feelings for me? or am I over thinking it and she is simply checking up on me?

Anyone have any advice or opinions on this?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Find someone locally to date, who is not your ex. Be very blunt with your ex so you can make sure she's not attention whoring. If she contacts you, tell her to come over and watch a movie with you. Anything other than a firm "yes", tell her not to contact you anymore.


More advice, you'll probably fail to listen to.

[Simpo]

Think that may be a good idea. I'm more of the indoors type and not a fan of clubbing which is where most folk or at least most of my friends have met their girlfriends.

Blunt in what sense? She was never a fan of my Mum for some reason so could I simply ask if she would want to go see a film instead? Thing is she has said that she would love for us to be friends at some point back when we recently broke up so not sure if she is simply after friendship or playing me so that she has me playing her games so she knows she can manipulate me and have a back up guy at her disposal or if she genuinely wants me back and still cares about me.

Problem is the event we are meant to go see in November so I can't just ignore her or play the NC card due to this.

I will try to listen to future advice rather than thinking I know best

[4 ratties]

I wouldn't go for either girl honestly. For reasons too long to explain. Talk to your ex and see wht she says about the event or whatever it is. I'm suprised her boyfriend isn't concerned about her goin on an event with her ex . Very sketchy.

[Simpo]

This has also been on my mind. I can't really see her new bf agreeing to this but will hopefully hear what she has to say on Friday. Then again maybe she hasn't told him?? It is sketchy and not sure if there's anything I can do apart from wait

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell your ex that unless she wants to get back together or **** like banshees, never call you again. That's what I mean by blunt.

[VerticalMoon]

The smart thing is not to get involved with somebody who has a boyfriend and not to expect other people to want to get involved with you when you have a girlfriend. The first girl you mentioned isn't what you want? You want to be available if somebody you like comes along. Then leave her, and make yourself available. Don't string her along.

Now the second girl also has a boyfriend. It shouldn't matter that it's long distance. He could come over or she could say something at any moment, and you would get your heart broken. The more you let yourself get involved with her, the more you're setting yourself up to get hurt. Whatever this event is, I doubt it's worth the complications of a broken heart. I would let her know that you're not yet ready to handle being just friends. Hand your ticket over to her and let her bring somebody else. You'll lose some money and miss the event, but it's better than the alternative.

[Simpo]

I kind of came to the conclusion that the long distance relationship won't work and will talk to her soon and tell her but we were never officially a couple. It was more a friends with benefits thing (or at least from my point is was, It may of meant more to her)

But I know her quite well and think that this new bf is just a rebound and that she still does have feelings for me in some sense but I'm unsure if they are feelings of love or friendship. If there's something there I at least want to know and get the choice to do something about it.
I would be losing out on a lot of money over £200 :/ which is like over $300 where you are.

[michelle23]

simpo no amount of money is worth going through all the pain and shite you went through months back again.you split for a reason. its best to move on and dont allow her back even if she wants that. i dont think your ready for a new relationship either especially not long distance

[Simpo]

That is true I suppose but the pain came from her betraying my trust, seeing other guys behind my back and ending the relationship. But going as "friends" I wouldn't really have to worry about that stuff and I know being friends with ex's usually ends badly but in this case I simply be her friend up to the event then go our separate ways.
But tbh I am still not 100% on what that reason was for breaking up, she said it was distance and she lost love in me but now she has entered a long distance relationship ???.

I do need to be single for a while longer than I first thought. I thought I would be over her by now but since she has come back up for uni thoughts and memories keep coming back which is frustrating since I want to move on but my brain or heart has other ideas :/

I think the long distance girl (as much as I didn't want this) ended up being a rebound which, in a way, was what I needed and really helped but now feel guilty for doing that to her. Now I need to end it with her and be the guy that I have always tried not to be

A local girl is what I need since I am the sort of person that likes to be close and affectionate with someone. Ideally I want to find a girl who can be my best friend and girlfriend like I had with my first relationship near the beginning before it went downhill.