Should I tell him “I am not one night stand material and never will be” ?

[ElizabethB]

It is about this guy I posted on here before.
He talked to me every single day until I was hooked.
He would give me compliments all the time, pet names only, throwing marriage and being his one day – comments, missing me and thinking of me all the time.
Never deep conversation but when it came to sex talk – he had all time in the world. He said he can’t wait to see me and my smile.

I told him I want to see him too and I played a role in his dirty talk. Later on, I asked if he would want to see me if there was no sex involved. He said yes. But with time, he did not talk to me as often as he did and would leave in the middle of chat or just ignore whatever I asked.
When I said something has change, he reassured me that everything is fine and he still loves talking to me. His words hardly matched his actions.

He was deployed this whole time and told me that he will call me first thing when he gets home. It has been couple days and nothing. He did not even bother to reply my questions on fb I sent yesterday.
I feel like a fool. I can’t stop thinking why he won’t read or reply to me because we were OK last time we talked. He is online all the time. I really feel sad and miserable. And worst part is- I knew it was not real-real, yet I already care for him.

Now I am thinking about deactivating my FB account to get him out of my mind. But before I do that, I want to tell him that even though I did say things, I would never be anybody’s one night stand or sleep with someone who I hardly know and I want him to know that. I value myself more than that. I guess that is closure I need in order to let go. Should I tell him that? Would it ever matter to him? I wish I could ask why he played with me a pretended everything.

[Maple1714]

He was trying to get sex and that's all. You denied him of that so he has moved on. You did yourself a favor!! Don't beat yourself up about it, just try to forget him and meet a new guy that is interested in more than just sex...someone who is truly interested in getting to know you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What the **** are you even talking about?

You feel like a one night stand and all you did was send some dirty texts? It doesn't sound like he has any interest in you anymore, so I don't think you have to worry about being a one night stand.

[namemyname]

But before I do that, I want to tell him that even though I did say things, I would never be anybody’s one night stand or sleep with someone who I hardly know and I want him to know that. I value myself more than that. I guess that is closure I need in order to let go. Should I tell him that? Would it ever matter to him? I wish I could ask why he played with me a pretended everything.

No, you should not tell him. He doesn't care. Save what little pride you have left.

He played you because you were a distraction, and company. He likely never planned on meeting you. But, this isn't all on him. You engaged just as much, so you need to own your part in your unhappiness.

In the future, don't over-engage with men online. You've already gotten your closure.

[michelle23]

just get over it. nothing happened! you should run a mile from men who talk about marriage and love before even meeting you in person. all the red flags were there and you ignored them. hes a typical player and as soon as he realized your not that kinda girl he moved on. hes fully aware your not that type-you dont need to make it any clearer

now forget about him. your letting him win by even giving him a thought. stop wasting your time with these ridi culous online fantasy relationships. meet a real life man

[ElizabethB]

I wanted to say that to make sure he did not think I would sleep with him. I was in long term relationship before, so I had only one man in my life for almost 10 years. I replied to his dirty talk but it was not really dirty, more fantasy in romantic novel on my side. Silly.

[namemyname]

I wanted to say that to make sure he did not think I would sleep with him. I was in long term relationship before, so I had only one man in my life for almost 10 years. I replied to his dirty talk but it was not really dirty, more fantasy in romantic novel on my side. Silly.

He doesn't care. You'd just look foolish contacting him. He's not interested in seeing you, meeting you, or sleeping with you. So, contacting to say, "just so you know, I wouldn't be a ons" is just dumb.

All that matters is that YOU know who are you and what your boundaries are. So, next time, don't let a guy push through them.

[basilandthyme]

I'm sure he already knows that you're not the one night stand type....so there's no sense in contacting him to tell him.

Don't deactivate your FB (that's giving him too much power) - just unfriend him.

[TablesandChairs]

Once you told him you weren't into one night stands, conversations became infrequent and eventually, he stopped contacting you. What does this say? He was after sex. Good for you - you avoided getting used by some horny soldier who probably has STI's. That's great and now you can move on to a better guy. What's your issue?

[ElizabethB]

Once you told him you weren't into one night stands, conversations became infrequent and eventually, he stopped contacting you. What does this say? He was after sex. Good for you - you avoided getting used by some horny soldier who probably has STI's. That's great and now you can move on to a better guy. What's your issue?

He did not talk to me as much after that but he started ignoring me after he got back from his deployment. My issue is - I don't know how to let go. I cared about him even though it was just a game for him. I can't understand how people can pretend they miss or think about someone if they don't. Also, why would you say someone you want to see them them this whole time, if you don't plan on it?

[namemyname]

He did not talk to me as much after that but he started ignoring me after he got back from his deployment. My issue is - I don't know how to let go. I cared about him even though it was just a game for him. I can't understand how people can pretend they miss or think about someone if they don't. Also, why would you say someone you want to see them them this whole time, if you don't plan on it?

Welcome to the world of online dating, Elizabeth. You never really know who's on the other side, nor what their motivation is. That's why it's best to make a connection, then meet within a week. If that's not an option, then cut bait and move on.

[Wakeup]

He did not talk to me as much after that but he started ignoring me after he got back from his deployment.

Well, I guess catching up with his wife/SO is taking up most of his time.

My issue is - I don't know how to let go. I cared about him even though it was just a game for him. I can't understand how people can pretend they miss or think about someone if they don't. Also, why would you say someone you want to see them them this whole time, if you don't plan on it?

Because he knew that is what you wanted to hear and that saying things like that would keep you engaged in his shinanigans.

Learn the lesson this fiasco was meant to teach you so that you're no longer naive to online players. Forgive yourself for being naive thereby giving yourself closure. Block and delete/unfriend him and soon enough, you'll feel just fine again particularily since you're now smart enough not to fall for men who go on like him ever again.