How Important to a Man is Having your Life/Finances in Order When it Comes to Dating?

[namemyname]

I have a guy friend who is currently refusing to date, because as he has said, he doesn't feel good about himself because he's having a hard time making ends meet.

Is this really that important to men? Apparently it can be, but as a woman, I would find it silly, but again, men and their careers, feeling confident, like a provider...

As a guy, if you were unemployed, would you delay dating?

[michelle23]

if i was a guy-yes. men are expected to take her out and spoil her a little. if he cant afford to look after himself, hows he gonna pay for romance? i know it sounds stupid coz a lot of women dont expect fancy s**t but most men think we do.

and then long term-he wants to struggle financially? nobody. women have certain expectations. we do want reassurance that we will be looked after when we have children. not richness but that we can at lest have 6months off after we give birth

[basilandthyme]

You don't mention his age, but it could also be about his dateability. I'm mid 40's and if (heaven forbid) I was single again, I'd be financially secure - and frankly, I'd want a man who was also financially secure. He doesn't have to be rich and not to pay for me, but simply a financial equal. There's too much risk in being with a guy who doesn't have his finances sorted out. Therefore; if he's of an age where women want to see financial security, then it makes sense that he's not getting out there.

However, if I was 20 years younger and just starting out - all I'd care is that he has sensible spending habits with what little he has.

[4 ratties]

Well I'm in my young twenties with no kids so my expectations with money may be more laid back then an older woman with kids. But as long as my guy can contribute to the house hold. Pay his bills and be able to go out to movies or eat every once in awhile is good. As long as he's responsible with money and is trying. Also doesnt let money stress him out is important.

[namemyname]

Hes in his 30s, and going through, for lack of a better phrase, a "transition period."

Hes working part-time, has a roommate...so, not where he wants to be. Hes just told me his confidence isn't high right now because of his money situation, hence why he wont date.

[polemikos]

Unemployed and broke, and I liked you a lot, no I wouldn't date you... nope.

If I was financially insecure dating on the long term would be very sketchy, because I would fear a relationship would start out on the wrong footing. So it depends, I would not deny dating casually with someone that I did not initially consider a contender for a long term relationship. A little fuc*y-fuc*y no problem, but someone that I really cared for and considered a contender would be off limits until I got my act together. As for your question, yes for me, it's very important!

[surfhb2]

I didn't date back when I was unemployed either....over a year. Toughs times they were

[Starnique]

I don't think that's abnormal. At least you can tell he has provider and real man qualities and he's not a broke, sorry guy trying to smile in your face with nothing to contribute.

I'm in my mid twenties and at this point in my life, I wouldn't date a guy who is not financially stable to my equal or preferably has more. I don't waste my time with those guys. I used to but I only had a couple of guys, maybe one that wasn't really stable. He really liked me and he was sweet but he wasn't on my level. I want to get married eventually and I need to know he can take care of me. Yes, I will have something to offer. I'm not saying I'm a gold digga but I aint messing with no broke *****. I want to be able to do what I want when I want.

[HDBadger]

I can see not wanting to date if you're in a rough place financially.

The idea of a man needing to make money to "take care of a woman" is a joke, though. Any woman worth anything will split everything with you 50/50. If she refuses, she's immature, stuck in the 1950s, and not worth having.

[Starnique]

Or either the guy is broke and is trying to use your view to make himself feel better about the situation. Of course you need money to be a provider. What world do you live in?

[horndog]

I can see not wanting to date if you're in a rough place financially.

The idea of a man needing to make money to "take care of a woman" is a joke, though. Any woman worth anything will split everything with you 50/50. If she refuses, she's immature, stuck in the 1950s, and not worth having.

I agree. I have no problem with a guy not wanting to start dating when he has money problems, dating can be expensive. What I do find funny (as you did) is how some women here appear to be hung up on the dudes status as a potential "provider". Seems pretty shallow to me.

[HDBadger]

Or either the guy is broke and is trying to use your view to make himself feel better about the situation. Of course you need money to be a provider. What world do you live in?

Provide what? Food and shelter for himself? Of course. Provide things for a gf? Absolutely not. Any decent woman will split any and all financial expenditures down the middle with her man. If he can't afford to help with his half, I understand not dating him. But any woman expecting a guy to contribute more than 50 percent financially is a shallow brat.

It's no guy's job to give a woman any more financial comfort than she already has.

[Kromat83]

It's funny, because I am in the same situation as him, just starting in my 30s.

I wont date until I am financially secure enough to start searching or let my feelings be known, being sure it's the right time.

I don't want to rely on her to make ends meet, we should be able to help each other out, to make life easier, but not stress a person out.

I want to see a relationship become long term, so I am fixing myself first, by finishing school, starting that career, without any distractions of the other half.

I still have female interaction, and my personality isn't that bad, physically fit enough, have lots of activities I like to do and spend at least 1 day a week with friends, so I'm happy with my current life, just needs to get better.
I have a machining job, but it isn't something I want to do long-term, so changing my direction to real estate, and I'll see where that path leads me, with 4 courses down and 2 to go.

P.S. it takes a lot of will power to think of yourself first and not be selfish to hurt someone else.
I congraduate him for having this mindset, a girl will appreciate him even more, because he wants to make sure he is finally happy, and can be relied on to help out equally.

[BarneyMosby]

I've never really been in that situation for more than 2-3 months, but yes I would delay dating.

[Starnique]

It's no guy's job to give a woman any more financial comfort than she already has.

I didn't say it was his "job" but as for me, I want to live a certain lifestyle and I wouldn't marry a guy that couldn't provide me with that. I don't want to struggle or have just enough. I can see if I didn't have anything to offer myself but that wouldn't be the case. It is going to be equal. He is my equal or greater and I have no problem looking out for him. I'm not selfish at all but I do need him to have himself together very well and if I'm his wife, hell yeah I will benefit from it. He will benefit from having me around.

You are definitely not the type of guy I would date because I don't like your attitude about it. Not you personally but your type.