Does/Can Love Conquer All? - Dating an older man

[lnlbarksdale]

Let me start out by thanking you for taking the time to answer my questions!

About 9 months ago, I met a wonderful man named Andrew. Andrew is sweet, tall, handsome, and very hardworking/dedicated. He is religious, conservative, and kind, all things I have always looked for in a man. The only problem is he is 15 years older than me! He also has two children from previous relationships. I am 23. Now, I know everyone in a relationship with similar circumstances will say something similar, but I am old for my age. I have traveled the world extensively, I run my own company, I have two labs who are well trained (by me) and well fed, I pay all my own bills, without the help of roommates, ect.... My point is, I am more advanced in life than most of my peers.

When Andrew and I first started dating, it was easy. Have you ever met someone who you are instantly comfortable being around? That's how it was with him. Laughter was easy and frequent, I felt comfortable and happy in his arms, the conversation was interesting and everything we said fit into each other's lives perfectly. However, he has two children and runs a company of his own. His free time is not as frequent as mine and it started to wear on me that I didn't get to see him as often as I would like. In past relationships, a new date and I usually see each other at least a couple times a week, Andrew and I were struggling for once every week and a half! In the end, we broke up after 3 months or so.

Like most women, in the time immediately following the break up, I occupied my free time with friends, family and "reasons why I am better off without him" thoughts. My reasons were many and varied, but all revolved around the same core concept. His age. He just turned 39, and I am fully aware that in general, he has a whole lifetime of experiences that I don't. He has already had most of his "firsts." I wouldn't be his first honeymoon, or give him his first child, or be there for his first major career success. We wouldn't get to enjoy all the experiences most newly wed couples do. We wouldn't be able to pack a bag and disappear to a remote cabin for the weekend at the last minute because of his children. We would have to have "first year of marriage" sex quietly and when his kids are asleep.

Recently, we reconnected and our relationship has picked upright where we left off 6 months ago. He told me, "I haven't seen anyone since we dated, I haven't slept with anyone, just you." Very sweet! But, I am as hesitant about our future as I was the first time we dated. I am a firm believer in "don't date anyone you wouldn't marry," especially when there is a physical relationship. You never known when BC may fail.

If this man is a perfect match, should we continue to date? Is 40 years of great love together worth him probably leaving me a widow or me missing out on life experiences he's already had? My friends and family have all warned me about the cons of dating a man who is so much older, so I am not looking for a lecture one why it's wrong. Just straight forward advice based off your own experiences.

[fearoflove]

Is sex important to you? Dating a man this old means he wouldn't be able to get it up for that long. Also, just isn't as hot as a younger lad.

[lnlbarksdale]

(Laughing) He is smoking hot! And, yes, sex is important. I think it is important to everyone as a release and a physical expression of love. But I'm not worried about our sex life declining, that's what little blue pills are for!

[fearoflove]

He is probably thrilled he can find such a young lady to be with him regardless of his age and his baggage. You would have to take on a mothering role for his kids and they would be taking a large chunk out of his fortunes and time. But if you really love him and he loves you, I can't see see how its a problem. Although, one of you have to change in terms of your need for more time spent together.

[smackie9]

You have to ask him where does he see himself in say 5 or 10 years? How about you having children? Maybe he will say no because he doesn't want to go through changing diapers again. You both are at different times in your lives as you pointed out....down the road it will be more evident. Just think, he will be hitting retirement when you hit your sexual prime. You will want to be going out and doing stuff, and he would rather sit on the couch doing croswords....you are going to have to set your emotions aside and take a look at the bigger picture here.

[smackie9]

....btw he may look smokin hot now....just give him 12 years and maybe not so much.

[searock]

I don't think you should be in a relationship with a guy so much older than yourself. I am a girl your age, and when I was younger I dated a guy that was the same age as your boyfriend. I used to think it could have worked out because we supposedly loved each other, but in the end the age difference was simply too much. He had so much more experience, he was at a point in life in which he had just settled into his routine and he basically had no more big dreams for his future, whereas I was only just beginning to take a peek at what my future would be. He would say things like "when I was a kid..." while referring to when he was my age. He would look at me like I was this young naive little thing. In the end it was just creepy. Even now I would never date a guy that old. I think the best thing is to experience things together with your partner, to walk through life together. Not with him having already "been there, done that". I think you would be a lot happier in a relationship with a guy your own age.

[4 ratties]

Is sex important to you? Dating a man this old means he wouldn't be able to get it up for that long.

Get your facts straight. Men well into their 70's can still "get it up" not all old men have problems with sex. Stop being so close minded and rude.

[4 ratties]

Age isn't the only problem. Hello people. Um a 28 year old guy could be divorced with two kids and not have time to run off for the weekend or have loud sex with his kids next door. Duh? Sorry poster not being rude to you but just to these responders that act like age gap relationships never work out. His actual age isn't the problem, it's what he's been through and what he has is your problem, and a guy half his age could have the same problem. Am I correct?
Just find a guy, any age, that doesn't have kids.

[searock]

Nope, the age difference itself is a problem. The kids just make it worse (maybe), but the age difference is the biggest problem.

[4 ratties]

I think you shouldn't date this guy because yes it's ideal to experience things with your partner and be on the same page. There are men that are in there 30's who haven't been married and hve no kids. So the age is not really that important.

[4 ratties]

Nope, the age difference itself is a problem. The kids just make it worse (maybe), but the age difference is the biggest problem.

Whatever lady or man or whatever u are. I agree to disagree. You don't know it all like u think u do. Thanks tho communicating with know it alls, isn't my thing.
Your basing your opinion on an experience that didnt work out for YOU. And your not center of the universe so things can be different for other people.

[searock]

Of course, but as a general rule I don't think relationships with a big age difference can work out in the long run. That's my opinion, you are free to disagree. By the way, had you actually read my post, you would know that I am a female.

[horndog]

There is nothing wrong with dating an older guy as long as you both know what you want from the relationship before it gets serious. At your age you may want children of your own, at his age he may not want any more. That can be a problem.

[smackie9]

When I was your age I was hitting 19 year olds....you don't need to settle down at 23 because you feel mature. There is still a lot of living to do before having babies and crap.