I need advice on what to do...

[americanjohn500]

Hey guys, this is my first post, so bear with me if I include unnecessary details.

I'm currently in a relationship with someone and have been for a month or so. We were friends for about roughly a year before deciding to give the relationship a shot. The problem has now come up that she liked it better when we hung out as friends, because she wasn't "obligated" to make time for me. She is a very independent person and very involved in school, work, church, and her family. She told me herself that she does indeed like me - it's just she's not willing to put in as much effort as I'm willing to put in for her. There's not much I can do when she tells me she feels burdened to spend time with me, and doesn't miss me when she goes away for long weekends.

Now, I can see a variety of solutions to this problem, but I'm just not sure what the right one is, so please help me.

a) I can cut my losses and breakup. I'm very much a hopeless romantic so I need to be sure in a relationship that there's a tangible future, otherwise it's a waste of time. This is the "easiest solution" so to speak, but I would be very hurt by it since I like her very much.

b) She needs to put in more effort while I have to put in less effort. Maybe I'm coming off as too clingy or too needy, but I'm just trying to show her that I care. I made a care package for her the other day because she was feeling sad, but it seemed to have the reverse effect. She commented that she doesn't have the time to put in that much effort towards me, and feels selfish. I don't think she's necessarily a selfish person - I just think I'm not heavy on her priority list.

Which begs the question... if I should stay or should I go. I really like her. I really want to make it work. But I'm not 100% sure what the best solution is at this point. Please help.

[horndog]

She is not ready for a committed relationship. I would just come to an agreement that you are going to just date casually when it is convenient to both of your schedules but that you are also free to see other people should the opportunity arise. I would then just check in on her a few times a week and see what happens or where it goes.

[4 ratties]

It's still really early into the relationship.. Things could change.. She may just take her time getting close to someone or making them her priority.. You said you're a hopeless romantic so you may prefer to try to find a girl a little more into relationships at this point in her life. It's up to you.. If this girl is worth it, give it more time.. Or if u feel things won't change or she's not falling for you, I wouldn't waste anymore time on her. It doesn't sound like she knows exactly what she wants. She may be scared or something. I'm not sure of course since I don't know her though.

[TablesandChairs]

If she's busy, then she will have limited time and that's understandable to a point; but if there's no effort on her behalf at all, then what's the point? She could at least say "Hey, I'm really busy for the next 5 days but I want to do something with you on day 6!" or something like that, rather than "Oh I don't miss you and you're a burden". That's a bit sucky.

[Ginger2013]

- she's not willing to put in as much effort as I'm willing to put in for her
- she tells me she feels burdened to spend time with me
- doesn't miss me when she goes away for long weekends.

You wrote these phrases, I think that it's very obvious that it won't work out between you two because you'll always be wanting more that she will refuse (not willing to) give. Maybe just stay friends and date other girls who are excited to spend time with you and reciprocate a romance.

[smackie9]

I would go with A because she is just not that into you...you got friend zoned.

[IslandScorp]

I have to go with (a). The things that you want out of a real relationship are admirable and understandable. But it doesn't really matter what you want if the other person doesn't feel the same way. And she doesn't. That's pretty clear.