Need advice about a girl

[namemyname]

Read signs better? The signs were mixed. That was the problem!! she did do me wrong, by continuing to see me/flirt with me and then by not having the guts to tell me the truth. This wasn't the first time she's cancelled on me. and like I've said, in the past I've flaked on her too, but that was before we got this much into it. She stood not only me up, but my sister. If she didn't want to go on the date, she should've said no when I asked her the first time.

No, they weren't mixed. Everyone else here completely got her intention. Except you.

Newsflash - VERY few people will reject you to your face. I did it once at the end of a first date when he asked me out again, and I told him I didn't think we were compatible. Boy, did he make me regret that honesty, because he sent me a scathing email calling me all kinds of names.

And she didn't continue to see you and flirt with you after she met you. She blew you off, but you're having a really, really hard time handling the rejection.

Sadly, that is part of dating, and happens to EVERYONE. You're not immune, and if you can't handle this, then don't date. People will often not behave as you like. So goes life.

[Styxanty]

I'm getting hostile because I'm baffled by the amount of stupidity. Stop and think about it, if you didn't like someone, would you agree to a second date? we even set it up via text, she had every chance to say no or ignore me like she is now. I'm actually able to handle her reaction better than I'm able to handle the reaction of people here. I get that ignoring me is most likely her sign that she's not interested now. But do you really believe it's acceptable to accept dates and then blow people off? that's so disrespectful and immature. I work, go to school, and I have a social life. I could've done so much more with that day. Same with my sister. and to be fair, i can't go into detail about every little thing. The signs were not obvious, my sister and our close friend both thought the same as me. I admit my initial reaction to the ignoring was wrong, and it's best for me to let go. But I definitely don't see how she deserves to be defended in any shape or form. Anybody who values themselves would be offended by this type of behavior.

[Ginger2013]

You went out on one date and wanted your sister to meet her. She could have taken that as a little too much pressure on a second date, or she could be dating other guys. If you text over and over and she doesn't respond, she's NOT interested. What you owe to yourself is to move on and find someone who is interested. If you show up at her work, she will hate you and it won't make the situation run in your favour at all. Just my opinion on something...I think lots of folks mislabel weeks of texting as dates...I mean, sure you exchanged words, flirts and smiley faces, but you only really knew each other for those 7 hours that you spent together. The texts that you sent to her did come off as a needy desperate guy, and it is a turn off, just as is it for guys when girls do the same. Yeah, it's disappointing not to get a second date, but you can't force her to like you. She changed her mind, people do that, you can't take it so personally.

[namemyname]

No one is defending her. You're extremely defensive.

In a perfect world, yes, people would tell you their honest thoughts and feelings, but if you think that's how the world works, you're going to have a very hard time fitting into it.

The real issue here, if you're willing to admit it, is not her behavior. It's your hyper-reaction to a blow-off from one date, how you flipped out on her, and how you're not accepting the replies here. You have this "I'm worthy of respect" crap attitude like you're better than other people, but you're not. You just got treated how pretty much every other person in the dating world has been treated. As I said earlier, either you accept this, or just don't date, because you'll blow an o-ring by the time you're a quarter century.

[surfhb2]

I But do you really believe it's acceptable to accept dates and then blow people off? that's so disrespectful and immature.

You and her have no relationship....who cares if its acceptable or not? A woman isnt going to flat out tell you shes not interested in you....thats your job

Weve all been in your situation so dont act like we dont know what youre talking about. Shit like this will happens all the time in dating and the more you let it get to you, the less successful you will be.

Big deal....move on....Jeez!!

[surfhb2]

You must have no self esteem if you think it's acceptable to be blown off more than once, within the hour of a planned meeting. I don't know about you, but my time is valuable. I didn't pull it out of my ass either, it's how I felt. If that was enough to scare her off anyway, then she obviously wasn't interested in the first place. Which means everything worked out for the best. I really do hope your self esteem improves though; you have my condolences. Don't put women on a pedastle. Nobody deserves to be treated in such immature ways.

Now I know how she felt Ewwww

[4 ratties]

Don't call ppl stupid and get pissed off that your not getting the answer u want. Get off an opinionated love forum looking for advice if you've got such a problem with what ppl are saying. If u know it all, then why ask for advice in the first place.

[smackie9]

Talk about sticking your foot in it. She just cancelled on one date, and you gets all owly about it. Going to her work and confronting her about it, that made her know she dodged a bullet. It proves you act like a baby when you don't get your way.....way to go, you blew it. If you played it cool, you may have still had a chance.

[namemyname]

Talk about sticking your foot in it. She just cancelled on one date, and you gets all owly about it. Going to her work and confronting her about it, that made her know she dodged a bullet. It proves you act like a baby when you don't get your way.....way to go, you blew it. If you played it cool, you may have still had a chance.

No, I don't think he would have had a chance no matter how he played it after the first date. People sniff out desperate and psycho. There's a reason she didn't want to see him again.

[smackie9]

I knew someone that was like him....met him like almost 20 years ago at work....he was so opinionated and mean when he was rejected or couldn't have what he wanted......he is still single to this day.

[Styxanty]

You went out on one date and wanted your sister to meet her. She could have taken that as a little too much pressure on a second date, or she could be dating other guys. If you text over and over and she doesn't respond, she's NOT interested. What you owe to yourself is to move on and find someone who is interested. If you show up at her work, she will hate you and it won't make the situation run in your favour at all. Just my opinion on something...I think lots of folks mislabel weeks of texting as dates...I mean, sure you exchanged words, flirts and smiley faces, but you only really knew each other for those 7 hours that you spent together. The texts that you sent to her did come off as a needy desperate guy, and it is a turn off, just as is it for guys when girls do the same. Yeah, it's disappointing not to get a second date, but you can't force her to like you. She changed her mind, people do that, you can't take it so personally.

This is the most reasonable advice I've been given so far. Everyone else here takes my hostility as being towards her, and some of it is. I do feel her actions were immature and I wouldn't wish that behavior on anybody. Everybody deserves to be treated better than that, not just me. and that's what had me pissed off. Not her, I was just feeling rejected with her; and I know I was wrong about wanting to confront her at work. I've already decided that I'm just going to let it drop. If she texts me cool, if not, I'll move on. But I still don't see how confronting her about standing me up and giving me mixed signals is "psycho". It might've turned her off because it made me look desperate. But, I still think it was within reason. Besides, if she really liked me at all, she would've responded to it. So really, it was probably best that I did confront her. I also think it's within reason to expect people to be mature enough to respond. I've been rejected before, and this is the only time I've ever struggled so hard with it because I've never been with someone who's gone from being so hot to being so cold. I don't know everything, and I definitely don't know what that response means. Which is a big reason why I wanted to confront her at work. But since everyone's saying that it means she's not interested; I'll have to take it at that.

[surfhb2]

This is the most reasonable advice I've been given so far. Everyone else here takes my hostility as being towards her, and some of it is. I do feel her actions were immature and I wouldn't wish that behavior on anybody. Everybody deserves to be treated better than that, not just me. and that's what had me pissed off. Not her, I was just feeling rejected with her; and I know I was wrong about wanting to confront her at work. I've already decided that I'm just going to let it drop. If she texts me cool, if not, I'll move on. But I still don't see how confronting her about standing me up and giving me mixed signals is "psycho". It might've turned her off because it made me look desperate. But, I still think it was within reason. Besides, if she really liked me at all, she would've responded to it. So really, it was probably best that I did confront her. I also think it's within reason to expect people to be mature enough to respond. I've been rejected before, and this is the only time I've ever struggled so hard with it because I've never been with someone who's gone from being so hot to being so cold. I don't know everything, and I definitely don't know what that response means. Which is a big reason why I wanted to confront her at work. But since everyone's saying that it means she's not interested; I'll have to take it at that.

You have alot to learn about the dating world, my friend.

[namemyname]

This is the most reasonable advice I've been given so far. Everyone else here takes my hostility as being towards her, and some of it is. I do feel her actions were immature and I wouldn't wish that behavior on anybody. Everybody deserves to be treated better than that, not just me. and that's what had me pissed off. Not her, I was just feeling rejected with her; and I know I was wrong about wanting to confront her at work. I've already decided that I'm just going to let it drop. If she texts me cool, if not, I'll move on. But I still don't see how confronting her about standing me up and giving me mixed signals is "psycho". It might've turned her off because it made me look desperate. But, I still think it was within reason. Besides, if she really liked me at all, she would've responded to it. So really, it was probably best that I did confront her. I also think it's within reason to expect people to be mature enough to respond. I've been rejected before, and this is the only time I've ever struggled so hard with it because I've never been with someone who's gone from being so hot to being so cold. I don't know everything, and I definitely don't know what that response means. Which is a big reason why I wanted to confront her at work. But since everyone's saying that it means she's not interested; I'll have to take it at that.

O.M.G.

Seriously, if you get this over-invested and yes, totally psycho, over ONE date, then ya, you're either going to continue to struggle, or wind up with quite a few restraining orders.

You sent her a totally unnecessary confrontational email, and then you still wanted to stalk, er, talk to her at work about why she didn't want to have a second date???

I hope one day you can see how truly imbalanced your actions, and your thought patterns are.

So, she didn't show up for a date. Big ****ing deal. You're acting like she left you at the altar.

As I said earlier, I am quite sure she smelled the crazy on you. It's way too hard to hide.

[Styxanty]

O.M.G.

Seriously, if you get this over-invested and yes, totally psycho, over ONE date, then ya, you're either going to continue to struggle, or wind up with quite a few restraining orders.

You sent her a totally unnecessary confrontational email, and then you still wanted to stalk, er, talk to her at work about why she didn't want to have a second date???

I hope one day you can see how truly imbalanced your actions, and your thought patterns are.

So, she didn't show up for a date. Big ****ing deal. You're acting like she left you at the altar.

As I said earlier, I am quite sure she smelled the crazy on you. It's way too hard to hide.

You're not helping your credibility any with the hostility and the name calling. You'll also have to forgive me for being excited and attracted to a girl I really liked. It doesn't happen often for me. I've had lots of dates in the past. It's just usually with women I'm not completely interested in; so yes, I'll admit - I'm over-invested too soon. However, I was not confronting her in a hostile way. In fact I did it jokingly and I tried to do it in a way where she could let me down easy so that we could pursue a friendship. You act as though I was calling her a bitch or something. I even made it clear to her that it wasn't her fault. I don't believe it is entirely or else I wouldn't be on here asking for advice. I would've let her go by now. I also already agreed that meeting her at work is a bad idea. I wasn't even going to "confront" her; I just wanted to let her know that it's okay if she's not interested in me - I wouldn't take it personally and I would be happy with continuing a friendship. But I didn't want to do it via text. It's all moot though, I've been convinced it's best to let it go. PS thanks everyone, especially to those who took the time to read. I know it was awfully long.

Edit: I also wanted to be clear, in regards to 4 ratties post; I wasn't calling anybody stupid. Rather, I was calling the idea or thought stupid. I'm sure you all know by now that we all have stupid thoughts from time to time. I know I do, as shown by some of my knee jerk reactions to being ignored.. as in wanting to "stalk" her at work

[namemyname]

Hostility? You truly have a very hard reading people and understanding nuances, don't you? lol

Until you accept responsibility for acting completely irrationally and making sure she would NEVER want to be your friend, you'll continue to make excuses, and likely repeat your actions.

Honestly, just judging you by how you have acted in this thread, I really believe she tweaked by your intensity. You come off as being really emotional unstable.