I ruined it!

[ajoy12692]

Alright so it’s this guy who recently came into my life from my past. We actually have somewhat of a past but not really because we were both too awkward at the time. We knew each other during middle school and I remember he was so bashful around me and I was kind of shy towards him. We both had a crush on each other, but it was unspoken at that point plus we both thought that the other didn’t like us as much as we did them. So because of those factors we never got to talk and therefore we never truly got to know each other. In early high school I was invited to my ex’s best friend’s birthday party and the guy I like right now is best friends with my ex’s best friend. I kind of made a fool of myself at the party that cause my ex to just leave me alone at the party and I remember the guy I liked tried to keep me company. He basically sat beside me on the couch, did the whole arm over my shoulder thing guys do at movies and just asked me how I was. Me being faithful to me boyfriend at the time I totally rebuffed his advantages and yes he even admits to this day that he was mega flirting with me that day.

Anyway sorry I kind of wanted to give you guys a back story to how this all started. I always believe that things have a foundation though it doesn’t really mean too much because we didn’t exactly act on our feelings.

During the spring semester of my college year this year, I ran into him the last day of the semester and we exchanged phone numbers. We were texting each other after I went home and I begin to notice that he was totally flirting with me, but I straight up asked him if he was and he told me that he thought that he couldn’t be even more forward about it. At that time the Great Gatsby was suppose showing and that was going to be a first date. He was super busy and didn’t exactly tell me why but I knew part of the reason why was because he was in summer school and with him he likes to really excel in school (that’s what I really like about him). He also mentioned how he didn’t really want a relationship, which was weird to me because he was basically confessing his feelings for me after all these years and we couldn’t really act on them. Plus he mention going out on dates, cuddling, and kissing which friends don’t exactly do. Also he is not trying to get in my pants! I can tell when a guy is trying to get in my pants because I have seen it all before and usually it’s the same game. I invited him to go out to karaoke with me and my friends, so he did and in return he had fun. Til this day said that was the most fun he had all summer! Eventually after a month he just stopped texting me and I had no clue why he did, so I waited a week and I texted him a “Hey it’s been awhile” text. He didn’t respond. By then I told myself that if didn’t respond that I wasn’t going to wait around for him, so I didn’t and the summer went by.

I just started school two weeks ago and I wasn’t really expecting to run into him. After my first class had ended I started to head back home because I have a four beak, but I missed my train so I just stayed at my school for the four hours. I remember walking to the mall and I reached in my pockets to check my phone and I had a missed call from a number that wasn’t registered. I call the number back and he answered so right away I knew it was him. He asked if we could meet up and he could apologize to me in person. We met up and we apologize to realize that this whole thing was a misunderstanding. You see the last text that I sent him before the summer, he thought he had sent me a text explaining why he was busy. In return he thought I was ignoring him because of what he thought he sent me, but from point of view I thought he was ignoring me. It’s kind of funny actually. He explained to me that his dad has recently relapsed from PTSD and that it has got worse. Like his dad is more controlling and solely wants his son to strictly study not go out on dates. I felt really bad for him and I believed him because usually people do not lie about their parents especially about something like that.
So we went back to be all flirty and everything was good. He did certain things that showed me he really likes me. One being the fact that he offers me a ride to school. Next is when I have those long four hour breaks he comes to school when he doesn’t have to because he doesn’t have school. Lastly, he knows I love and appreciate a good handlebar moustache so actually came to school one day testing it out on himself. Oh and most importantly he actually said that the feelings were definitely mutual and that he really likes me too.

This is where the problem started last Thursday I had a really bad day, but he had a really fantastic day so I asked him to tell me about it. He told me that he got accepted to two colleges for when it’s time for him to transfer! One being in the state and the other one being Harvard. I was really excited for him; however, I started to get really insecure in the process of his happiness. I started feeling and sort of realizing that I could potentially end up being a burden to him. I did not want that so I texted him Saturday telling that I think it’s best that we don’t talk anymore and then shortly after I explained it a little more. I slept and thought about it more, and I realized that I didn’t mean what I said. It was just me overthinking and being insecure, which lead me to pushing him away. So I sent him another text apologizing and telling him that I realize I was rude for sending that. I ended up telling him how when I really like someone (and I mean really because it’s rare for me) I get really emotional and I always feel like I am being a burden towards them. Keep in mind he has never lead me to believe this. I get like this with people I am interested in and with people who I like a little more. I also mention that it was not him and he didn’t do anything wrong it’s just how I feel/ get when I like someone.
He didn’t respond and now it’s going on two days. I am wondering if I really blew it with this guy. I hope I didn’t because I actually really like him. I am going to give him a week to respond and I am going to text him again with a “Hey how are you” text, but if he doesn’t respond then I will just have to do what I did a couple of months ago. Though this will hurt more because I feel like I messed things up this time. I like him because he is smart, adorable, intelligent, has good self values, and family values. I really don’t want to lose him as a friend if I we can’t be anything more especially since these past years everything was unspoken. I just don’t know what to do!

P.S. I am sorry for this being so long! I really wanted people to understand the situation in order to give me good quality advice.

[4 ratties]

It was a common mistake by a young girl, don't beat yourself up for it. You know now to think twice before u say something extreme like telling him you don't want to talk to him anymore. U let your emotions get the best of you. It's best to stay calm and don't say anything extreme until your emotions and insecurities aren't going wild. Cuz then u say things u will regret. If he really liked u, he should give u another chance.

[LifeInflux]

You know what says I'm sorry better then an I'm sorry text? Just call him and explain yourself. So tired of all the text and no text back nonsense. Passive aggressiveness gets you about as much as the effort it takes to put into it.

If you can't get him on the phone, leave a message.. give it a couple days... try again, and then if nothing else.. follow it up with a final desperation text.. "I've tried callign you a couple times, but you don't seem to want to talk to me. I really care about you and I'm sorry I was an asshole. I'd really like to talk to you again, but if I don't have the chance before you leave for college, be safe and have a great year."

Or make something equally non threatening up. bingo bango.. if it doesn't work.. move along.

[ajoy12692]

I know and that's what kills me that I did, but like you said I must not beat myself up for it and if he really likes me as much as he puts off then this was just a little scratch. My guess is he is probably thinking everything over before he talks again, but pretty much it's fair game right now.

[ajoy12692]

Well the thing is and I should of added this is that I called him three times the day it happened/the next day....still nothing. My guess is that he is either busy,thinking everything over, or I might of just blew it.
Yep my plan is to wait about a week and send him a "final desperation text" and then if he doesn't respond then I know to just move on with my life.