Should I stay in the relationship? So confused.dont know what to think anymore

[abbey3]

Please excuse if this is a little long but I have to give the full story. I need advice wether this is really me or I need to get out.

-Me and boyf get together. I say I want nothing serious. But over time things developed but boyf was STILL messaging other girls including ex's. mostly friendly but some inappropriate. 6 months in he sent something inappropriate to an ex and I explained I couldn't do this anymore. After that things changed. He never sent an inappropriate message again. Said being single for 7 years he was just used to doing this.we have been together for over 2 years now and I know he's a changed man.

-I became very insecure/crazy/jealous. It started to destroy my life I constantly obsessed about where he was/making the relationship the centre of everything.

-he went to counselling with me to make me trust him again.disnt really work and 18 months in we split for 3 months.

-in march this year we got back together. I had become more confident and secure again. He said he still loved me, missed me and in our time apart couldn't even speak to another girl (I inniated a lot of contact thru break up). While we were together he struggled to say I love you. He said a lot of this was because I constantly pushed it in the beginning. Because I had been through all his past I knew that his only girlfriend (6 yrs ago) he used to tell her he loved her all the time. I always wondered why it was easy to her but not me. When we broke up he said he never loved anyone like me but he was frustrated I never trusted him and pushed him away by always playing silly games.

-my insecurities are now worse than ever. I can't even see an attractive girl in the street without panicking he fancies her more. I really don't believe him when he says I'm beautifull. We are moving in together but he WON'T get a joint mortgage. I don't feel like I'm part of his life or plans. I feel like a chore. Maybe he's setting until something better comes along? But then he is a very independent person so I don't know why he would.

I have made the relationship the source of my happiness. I just wish I could be confident with him and enjoy myself and not get angry because I don't feel good enough.

I have posted on here before and I know people are probably hoping il shut up! I just need some straight advice. Is it me or him?? He tells me he loves me now but it just feels like it's to keep me happy.

I just don't understand why he would invest so much time, go to counselling with me? Does he just care a lot and maybe not want to let me go,but just maybe not that in love?

Or is this ALL my insecurities clouding my judgement.

All my friends and family think he's a good guy and he clearly loves me. Why can't I believe it?!!!

I feel so bad about myself I just want to move away from it all. I feel like I'm
Stupid for forgiving him in the beginning and he just thinks I'm weak and a pushover. He dosebt treat me like that but I think deep down he thinks it.

Please tell me should I get out because of him??or is this all my insecurities?
Or could he be purposefully stringing me along because I'm easy and insecure and he knows I'm always here

[Ginger2013]

You're a mess dear. Obviously it's your insecurities. You said he doesn't treat you like a pushover but in your warped mind, you believe he does. When you decide to trust a person after they've done something to destroy your trust, you have to stick to it. It's not one day I trust you, the next day I know you looked at a girl on the street and are secretly having an affair with them. You obviously have zero self esteem. You make the relationship your source of happiness. You will never be happy because you are not happy with yourself. Do both of you a favour and break it off, let him find someone who loves him and respects him. And in the mean time, go to therapy for YOU, get some hobbies and interests, find a passion, go back to school etc...or go on meds, maybe you have a mental health disorder that's making you so paranoid and self-loathing.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He didn't do anything for you to forgive in the beginning. You told him you didn't want anything serious, so you can't really get mad at him for keeping his options open since you clearly were.

You are still insecure/crazy/jealous, so no he is not going to write you into his future plans until you can show you are not these things, nor should he.

[abbey3]

He didn't do anything for you to forgive in the beginning. You told him you didn't want anything serious, so you can't really get mad at him for keeping his options open since you clearly were. Cunt.

You are still insecure/crazy/jealous, so no he is not going to write you into his future plans until you can show you are not these things, nor should he.

Actually he continued to send inappropriate messages several times after we had chatted about bring 'commited to one another' the last message he sect was 6 months in and that's when it stopped.

So I did kinda have something to forgive.

Sometimes I do worry iv got something really wrong with me. These insecure thoughts are not normal.
My sister has had psychotic disorder. Could it possibly run in the family?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You said after you talked, he never sent another inappropriate message, so it sounds like there is nothing to forgive.

As far as disorders go, they can affect your thoughts, but your actions are still your choice. Ginger had good advice. Get a life. Find things you like doing without him.

[anonymous_a]

It's you hun, not him. You just sound very insecure. I think you need to be alone for a chunk of time to work on yourself. You need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. You need to work on YOU.

[abbey3]

I feel like I'm having the worst day of my life. We had a massive argument last night because he went to the pub to watch football when we were supposed to be having tea together. Now I know this isn't a huge deal but all my insecurities kicked in I went off on one-texting him,calling him and slept for about 1 hour.

The highs are amazing but I just cannot cope with these lows anymore. I feel I need to leave the relationship but I love him so much and I'm scared if I do then I will always regret it because its probably all my insecurities.z

I don't feel understood, I feel weak and clingy. I fhavd felt on edge and worried for the whole 2 years.
I don't feel like we want the same things,or like I'm a priority.
But I don't know wether to fight and really work on myself whilst in the relationship?

Or is the relationship making me worse?

I just can't bear breaking up, I want to be with him but I'm so unhappy.
But I'm unhappy in myself.

I have this dream il become confident and secure again and everything will work out.

But this has been going on 2 years,even been to councelling.
Am I being stupid?

[Boisdevie]

You sort yourself out girl or he'll dump you. Guys are like other human beings - they can only take so much. One day he'll decide your angst isn't worth his time or life and he'll dump you. He must be incredibly patient because if it were me I would have dumped you already.

[abbey3]

But is this all my fault?? I know I'm insecure but maybe it's that we're not right for each other?

[Boisdevie]

But is this all my fault??

Got it in one.