Moving in together - questions

[searock]

I have a few questions about moving in together and living together.

1. When do you think is the right time to move in together? What are the "signs" that the time is right?
2. When do you think you should NOT move in together?

The next questions are for people who live with their partner and/or have lived with their (ex) partner(s) at some point in their life.

3. At which point of your relationship did you move in together with your partner and/or ex(es)? What made you decide to do it?
4. How did it work out?
5. What were the worst parts about living together?
6. What were the best parts?
7. Did you live at your place, their place, or a "new" house you bought/rented together?
8. How did you divide expenses? And chores?

These ones are for people who lived together with a partner but it didn't work out:

9. Why didn't it work out?
10. Did you break up as well as moving out, or did you continue to be in a relationship with each other, just didn't live together anymore?
11. How did you divide the stuff that you bought together?
12. Who moved out and who stayed? How did you decide?

Thanks :-).

[basilandthyme]

I can't think of any signs that the time is right.....but the most obvious sign to not do it would be if the relationship is unstable or has unresolved issues.

My story is of breaking all the rules and still having it turn out OK:

I moved in with my partner when we'd known each other 4 months. I had been separated from my ex-husband for about 5 months at the time. Worked out great - still together 21 years later. The worst parts of living together would have been sharing with two other flatmates early on....but it wasn't too bad. Of the good bits, most of all, we enjoy each other's company.

I moved into his house which he owned with his sisters (they didn't live there). We combined our incomes into a joint account because neither of us could be bothered with the whole discussion of who pays for what. He didn't care that he earned roughly double what I did. Eventually he and his sisters sold that house and my partner and I then bought a property together.

With the housework, both of us just did what needed doing. He's naturally a tidy person who doesn't notice a dirty toilet. I am the cleaner who doesn't care if I'm tripping over shoes left around. Of course, he also cleaned and I tidied, but our natural inclinations did dictate a lot of who did what.

[Starnique]

I'm not sure if there's a sign but I would say, it depends on the amount of time we have been dating and the seriousness of our relationship. Where is our relationship headed? How are our living styles and that would.determine if he is even the kind of guy that I would like to live with. How is our financial situations and are we both able to contibute? Would it be beneficial for us. Mostly, the seriousness and where our relationship is going. For me, is he someone I would consider marrying? That's a big step to me.

I've only lived with one guy and that was my Ex. He had his own place at the time and I was living with my mother. I had just got a job at this bank and I was used to living on my own. I told him that I was moving and looking for a place and somehow we got on the convo of moving in together. It was beneficial to me because he was making more money then me. I knew I wasn't going to his apt because his raggidy ex gf had lived there and then they had them pit bulls and the house wasn't that clean. He would pay people to clean it. Anyway, I wasn't staying where she had been staying. He and I had dated for little whe but we moved fast. It was crazy. We'd only known each other for a few months. Once we moved in together, we were together for years. A long time.

So I found the place. We moved. We was supposed to split the bills but he did pay a lot more then me. It was great at first. But that's why I say get to know the person better. I was cooking, cleaning and washing his clothes, like wtf?! I didn't mind but I didn't feel appreciated. I like my stuff clean. Everything has a place and everything in it's place. I leave stuff around..sometimes but if you see me cleaning up then don't come just toss your things around the livingroom like its my duty to get it up. He would take showers and leave his shit everywhere. That was annoying but we had good times. Everybody liked my cooking so we would have get togethers and it was cool...at first. We had a bad break up and he had purchased most of the electronics and when I left, i just took my clothes, shoes etc. He came home from being out all night and I was gone..headed to the sunshine state.

Anyway, it's all about if you're ready to take that step. I would do it again, depending on the guy and our status. The worst thing is not knowing how they are when you move together. You get to know the real person when they live with you. The best is waking up to that person and to be up under each other at night and I like to take care of my man. All of our stuff together, like a mixture. Sex all night, loud as you want to. You be excited, like I can't wait to go home and see my baby and be sure to give each other space. It's all good. I'm not clingy or aloof. It's balanced with me so that's what it's all about.

[namemyname]

My first serious BF moved in with me a week and a half after we met. We were together for 5 years.

My last serious BF moved in after 5 months, and we had 3 years together.

So, strange things can happen. I've seen marriages not last as long as some of my relationships. lol

But, to answer your questions:

have a few questions about moving in together and living together.

1. When do you think is the right time to move in together? What are the "signs" that the time is right? There is no set rule
2. When do you think you should NOT move in together? When there are major relationship issues - abuse, infidelity, doing it for lack of other living options, etc.

The next questions are for people who live with their partner and/or have lived with their (ex) partner(s) at some point in their life.

3. At which point of your relationship did you move in together with your partner and/or ex(es)? What made you decide to do it? As above. LOVE.
4. How did it work out? As above
5. What were the worst parts about living together? Being in a crap mood or not feeling well, and having to deal with someone else in the "space"
6. What were the best parts? Sex, intimacy, the excitement that someone was coming home to be with you.
7. Did you live at your place, their place, or a "new" house you bought/rented together? Either my place, or a new one for both of us
8. How did you divide expenses? And chores? Depends on each persons financial state. My first BF and I had a joint checking account, and I paid all the bills from that account. Chores? He did nothing. lol Second one - not so much money, so he bought what he could, and when. He gave me money towards household bills, and bought food. It worked out. He did a lot of boy stuff - fixed shit, took out the trash...

These ones are for people who lived together with a partner but it didn't work out:

9. Why didn't it work out? People change, and/or stop trying.
10. Did you break up as well as moving out, or did you continue to be in a relationship with each other, just didn't live together anymore? Once we still saw each other long distance after I moved out, but that didn't last. Second one - never even talked to him again after he left.
11. How did you divide the stuff that you bought together? I usually kept everything, and the crap I didn't care about, I let them take. lol
12. Who moved out and who stayed? How did you decide? If it was my place, I stayed. If it was a place we got together, I left.

[fearoflove]

Is it true that moving in with a guy decreases the chances of him marrying you? If you live with him, seeing him everyday, and having sex with him, why would he want to change that?

[basilandthyme]

Is it true that moving in with a guy decreases the chances of him marrying you? If you live with him, seeing him everyday, and having sex with him, why would he want to change that?

It works both ways you know. I'm a woman and can't see any reason to marry him....especially as being de facto has legal recognition here in Oz. If it's not broke, why fix it?

[joanna1]

These ones are for people who lived together with a partner but it didn't work out:

9. Why didn't it work out?
10. Did you break up as well as moving out, or did you continue to be in a relationship with each other, just didn't live together anymore?
11. How did you divide the stuff that you bought together?
12. Who moved out and who stayed? How did you decide?

I don't currently live with my partner now, he has his own place and I have mine but I did live with one ex previously.

9. He was in the army and never home, we barely saw each other and had completely different types of hours and friends so when he was home, everything seemed to clash. Plus, he did a lot of drinking and other stuff and I didn't want it done in our own place and he didn't listen and neither did his friends. I didn't have too many rules but that was a big one.
10. No we broke up/moved out.
11. Most was stuff we brought in that was mine and was his own stuff, stuff bought together we divided up, stuff I really wanted and stuff he really wanted and just were adults and let the other take what each wanted most. Can always buy missing stuff, wasn't a big deal to me.
12. We both moved because lease was about up. Place wasn't close to my work and I wanted closer to my work and he went and moved in with a friend.

It was decent and civil enough.

[Boisdevie]

1. When do you think is the right time to move in together? What are the "signs" that the time is right? - it feels right
2. When do you think you should NOT move in together? - if there are unresolved issues.

The next questions are for people who live with their partner and/or have lived with their (ex) partner(s) at some point in their life.

3. At which point of your relationship did you move in together with your partner and/or ex(es)? What made you decide to do it? After a year together. Because we wanted to live together and it would also save money.
4. How did it work out? The practical side was fine because we'd agreed the rules and neither of us was lazy
5. What were the worst parts about living together? Can't think of anything
6. What were the best parts? Working on projects together
7. Did you live at your place, their place, or a "new" house you bought/rented together? She lived at my place because I already had it mortgage free.
8. How did you divide expenses? And chores? She brought her daughter with her so she paid 60pc and I paid 40pc of all bills. Chores were 50:50

These ones are for people who lived together with a partner but it didn't work out:

9. Why didn't it work out? - We grew apart.
10. Did you break up as well as moving out, or did you continue to be in a relationship with each other, just didn't live together anymore? She moved out the same time we broke up
11. How did you divide the stuff that you bought together? Mutual agreement. She got the nice chairs, I got the freezer.
12. Who moved out and who stayed? How did you decide? She moved out because it's my house.

[4 ratties]

Me and my bf moved in after being together for 6 months. We have lived together for 5 months now. The last 5 months have been the best, we actually get along better living together because the long distance dating was really getting to me. I met him when he visited my town that was 2 and a half hours away.


We moved into a new apartment together. He pays the rent.
I pay cable, phone, gas, electricity, food, and other household stuff.

He chips in every so often and he helps me with big bills like when we needed to pay a pet deposit or when I needed a new alternator for my car.


Chores well I do my own laundry. He does his, but sometimes he'll do some of mine too. We're 50/50 on dishes. He usually vacuums. I cook dinner about 4-5 times a week. He does the other days. I keep the bathroom clean and clean the kitchen alot. I care for the pets.