Someone to talk to

[kathrinanina07]

I met this guys who is waaay older than me.. (around 20 years age difference)
We met in an online game.. Well, at first, it was just a friendly chitchat, that was developed into something else..
He has 3 kids and living with a gf (not married).. He lives in another country..

At first, it was only for fun talking with him, but slowly I had this feeling of more than just friends..
I know it's not good to continue what we're having, but I feel sad and broken when I try not to talk to him..

any advice or suggestions?..

maybe I just need someone to talk to....

[basilandthyme]

My guess is that he's filling some type of gap in your life. Do you have friends and interests?

[kathrinanina07]

thank you for replying.. well, you are quite right..
now, I am a bit lonely..

my friends seemed busy, but I still have my family.. we go out together..
as for my interests, I have my hobbies which I put all my free time to...

any idea/suggestions?..

[Boisdevie]

Buy a cat - heard they're ideal pets for lonely women. Low maintenance and they won't try to shag your leg like a dog.

[pcmaster]

Get a boyfriend and 3 kids too then see if it helps.

[smackie9]

Stop playing that game.....that's the reason why you find yourself lonely and isolated.

[kathrinanina07]

Get a boyfriend and 3 kids too then see if it helps.

I wish it is that easy...

[kathrinanina07]

anyway, thank you everyone for your inputs.. It helped me think about what I should do..
I'll try to follow some of your advice..

thanks a lot!!

[LifeInflux]

I honestly hope that none of what was said here helps you think about anything in any way.. I couldn't discern any actual advice worth taking in this thread.

[searock]

I couldn't discern any actual advice worth taking in this thread.

What's wrong with "stop playing that game, find new friends and hobbies and don't think he is important because in reality he's just filling a hole in your life, that can and will be mended once you find friends and hobbies"?

[pcmaster]

Find friends who have hobbies rather ones who play too.

[LifeInflux]

What's wrong with "stop playing that game, find new friends and hobbies and don't think he is important because in reality he's just filling a hole in your life, that can and will be mended once you find friends and hobbies"?

Games are a hobby as any other, and online games for some people actually play parts in a number of different ways, social interactions, coping mechanisms, etc. In that same avenue you could tell the people here with over 1K posts to "get off the forum, find real friends and hobbies, and immerse yourself in real life with real friends and hobbies that will fill the holes that the online forum and forum posters do"

I could say that, but the fact is, forums as much as video games, or drinking at a bar, are all different forms of entertainment.

The key is moderation, and theres nothing wrong with getting close to people you meet online, and theres also nothing wrong with her continuing to enjoy a hobby such as video games.

The issue here isn't that her hobby is detrimental overall, its that she has poor self esteem and she's found someone that makes her feel good. Diversifying her interaction is key, without the necessity of losing her security blanket.. or her coping mechanism as long as it isn't negatively impacting her life.

For example joining an online community where you meet and play that same game with people - some of which who are nearby, who enjoy the same hobby, and may opt for in person social interaction is a very real thing, and is rather common these days. Its important people take steps they are comfortable with.. thats how I see it.

[pcmaster]

Its nothing compared to real life. Whats possible in game is not possible in life. It dont give you real expierience. It will rather rise addiction than passion for life. These online games are full with mindfcking elemnts that make person addicted - like small achievments, putting efford to achieve bigger things and repeating. For example this forum have Thanks button and reputation(achievments). Aswell as post count and friend list(extra social element). Why this forum is better than game its because you have real chance to make positive impact on persons life. Aswell as learn and dont do same mistakes or see it comming in real life. Things that written here actually happened in life.

[kathrinanina07]

thanks again, everyone for your thoughts.. Well, I also believe that it really is difficult to totally discard all my habits(playing has become one of it).. I can lessen the time I spend in playing, and try to find people who share the interests. however, sorry to say, but I have a very unique interest that might be difficult to find peers.. I like Japanese cartoons..

also, i think my real problem lies in the trouble of cutting the connection between him and I.. it really is great when he talks a lot.. we have great conversation.. so it is quite hard for me to just stop talking to him..
it leaves a a very sad, blank, and unhappy feeling when I try to ignore him..

[LifeInflux]

Its nothing compared to real life. Whats possible in game is not possible in life. It dont give you real expierience. It will rather rise addiction than passion for life. These online games are full with mindfcking elemnts that make person addicted - like small achievments, putting efford to achieve bigger things and repeating. For example this forum have Thanks button and reputation(achievments). Aswell as post count and friend list(extra social element). Why this forum is better than game its because you have real chance to make positive impact on persons life. Aswell as learn and dont do same mistakes or see it comming in real life. Things that written here actually happened in life.

Sorry buddy, but your limited knowledge in these things doesn't transfer well in general. I've been an avid gamer my entire life, I have no problems socially, and I've brought a lot of positives to my game friends as well. Like anything else its a social element... adding a thousand friends on facebook doesn't make you any better than the guy who is in a guild in an online game, at least the guy in the guild likely has more interaction with those people than most people do with their "friends" on social networks. People in games still have real life issues, I've spoken to people in online games about their relationship issues, or their problems with their jobs, or family issues like I've seen here... I've also seen people meet online in a video game and get married. Not just that but an article was done on a study that showed that the biggest online game actually garnered more couples and dates than Match.com which is quite possibly the largest dating site.

http://mashable.com/2012/03/22/world-of-warcraft-dating-infographic/

I know that people have a stigma over things like this... but as I stated, games, hobbies, and most things are best done in moderation.

thanks again, everyone for your thoughts.. Well, I also believe that it really is difficult to totally discard all my habits(playing has become one of it).. I can lessen the time I spend in playing, and try to find people who share the interests. however, sorry to say, but I have a very unique interest that might be difficult to find peers.. I like Japanese cartoons..

also, i think my real problem lies in the trouble of cutting the connection between him and I.. it really is great when he talks a lot.. we have great conversation.. so it is quite hard for me to just stop talking to him..
it leaves a a very sad, blank, and unhappy feeling when I try to ignore him..

Listen, Anime is awesome, don't shy away from it, there are tons of guys out there that love that kinda stuff. Be unapologetically yourself. The only thing I'll say, if you're unhappy with what you're doing, make a change, if you feel like you're out of shape... trade a half hour of gaming for a half hour of walking. Don't change because people tell you to... you change what you want to change, because you want to and for no other reason.