What am I doing wrong? No sex

[Fear2Love]

Been a while since I have needed to be on this forum. Here's the situation, I feel like I rarely have sex. My ex and I were together for over 7 years and during our relationship and especially towards the end we had sex average of 1-2 times a month. That's not right for a young couple and we even lived together. Our ages during the relationship were in late teens early twenties.

My current GF of 4 months are doing amazing relationship wise and love wise. We love each other so much we both know it's forever... Sex wise it is just hardly there again! Wtf?! Her and her ex supposedly had sex ALL the time like basically every day. We are on month 4ish and I could almost guarantee we have not had sex more than 15 times.

Now before we go on saying I need to make love and not be a hound, let me tell you this. I am one if the most romantic men on this planet. I can tell you that for sure. She tells me all the time that she did not even know that someone can treat her so good, and that I am what every girl wishes for. I like to think that I am also attractive as well. No brad Pitt but you get the idea. I work out like a mad man and like to look good..

But what the hell, there has to be something I'm doing wrong!! Help plz!

[basilandthyme]

Can we assume that you're initiating sex? If so, how often do you initiate? Is she rejecting your advances? If so, what reason does she give? How have you tried to change in order to adapt to that reason?

[TablesandChairs]

Seriously, if I had it my way, I'd have sex once a month. Difference is my partner more or less reminds me that I'm being unreasonable in that department and then I'm like "oh right, okay". You know, compromise.

[Fear2Love]

I do initiate.. I try any way possible. Cute or funny or romantic.. But it just does not seem to work. Her excuses are I can't breathe (allergies). Tired. Not enough time.. I work all day long. 60+ hour work weeks because I'm a personal trainer. At the moment she lives at home and I had to temp move back in with my family because I invested all I had into the home I had with my ex. So being at home sure does hinder ones sex life yes.. But her and her ex used to have sex all the time and they both lived at home like how we do! What am I doing wrong?? Is it the girl or is it something I'm doing wrong. I question because she used to have sex all the time and we hardly do, and also my previous relationship was so rare with sex also.. The current GF knows about the sad sex life I had before and said to me "that's so sad. A man should not have that especially how the way you treat girls"
:/

[pcmaster]

I think problem is that she had enought sex in her life already. Now its not that amazing like at the begining. You still have a lot to prove to yourself until you reach her level of emphaty.

[basilandthyme]

You work 60+ hours per week. Are you able to spend adequate quality time with her? What time do you get to her place in the evenings?

And for the record, I also suffer allergies. If you're not familiar with allergies, believe me when i say they can make one feel absolutely wretched. Has she seen a doctor for treatment options? There are some awesome nasal steroids for allergies now.

[Agnus]

Her excuses are I can't breathe (allergies). Tired. Not enough time.. I work all day long.

You are a lucky son of a gun. I know one guy whose girl-friend says to him: "Only chimpanzees have sex every day".

[Fear2Love]

I'm not looking to have sex every day like a chimpanzee so don't act like I'm some sort of an animal.. But it's hard when a 26 year old male is so attracted to this beautiful girl and my confidence already has been out down from my past. And I shouldn't be because I know I should have more. But what did her ex have that I don't? She wanted to have sex with him all the time and their fights would be I hate you I hope you ****ing die you cunt type fights. We don't fight because I want to make her world amazing every day. She said she feels bad about my past relationship and she can't wait to love me completely forever. Yet we don't make love often and that's an important part in a healthy relationship. I understand the allergy thing but like, she must have had them a year ago with her ex!??!! It's sad how much I work so yea time is limited, but when it's a Friday night, and we have 2 glasses of wine in us, and I bought her flowers and tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is, and I'm kissing her all over and she is kissing on me. And then I start kissing the stomach very romantically and I get the cross leg and push away... Only soooo many times a man can be denied before all confidence is gone. It's hanging by a thread. Is it me being too good to her? Do I need to be a tad but more of an asshole? I really am a knight in shining armor. She says that she does not even know someone so good could exist. Her parents think I'm a blessing. Her sister is starting to hate her BF because she wants someone as amazing as me. So yea I'm a good guy. Is it not working? 2nd girl now that is this way. By the way I've only been with those 2 girls.

[Agnus]

But what did her ex have that I don't? She wanted to have sex with him all the time

Dude, use your imagination. She says: "I am tired". What do you do on hearing that? Turning away from her thinking: "Oh no, that happened again. No sex for me. I am so unlucky"? And you say to her something like: "Oh sweetie, you are so tired. Can I give you a relaxation massage to ease your pain?" She will get aroused and you will hump her. Of course, you should know how to massage. If that doesn't work, maybe, the girl is not interested in having sex at all and with you for some other reason.

[Fear2Love]

Been there done that. I probably massage her at least once a week.. Got oil for a hot oil massage.. Twice now a Sexy naked candlelit hot oil massage after diner.. No sex and yes I initiated it and I'm not a dumb ass I know how to go about it.. Same thing in my past relationship... I have no confidence left on the inside.. I show confidence but it's like I'm running on fumes.

[Agnus]

Well, hire a detective to see what's doing during her 60+ hours per week. Maybe, she's having sex with someone else.

[Valixy]

The fact that she says that she 'can't wait to love you completely forever', might suggest that she really appreaciates you and likes you but she might not be totally in love with you yet. It is not your fault but she might not be very attracted to you either. It happens with some girls that were in an emotionally abusive relationship before. Sometimes they have difficulties connecting with someone who treats them right for a while.

I think that you should either have an honest conversation with her or simply follow your intuition, and decide to give her a bit more time, hoping that she will suceed to connect with you in the right way, or leave the relationship. It is important to have a partner that is equally attracted to you and you just haven't met the right person yet.

[Fear2Love]

I love her and I always have. She loves me back and we promise that we will be together forever. I've had a talk with her about my low confidence due to my last relationship. I was called ugly a lot from her and I know I'm not. I get hit on often by attractive women but I immediately stop it because I am very loyal. She tells me things like you look so hott right now blah blah etc.. So hopefully it's not a looks thing because she is bombshell beautiful and I'm up there but definitely not as beautiful as her.. But kinda my main thing I want to get out of this is: do I act uninterested this way she has the urge? Do I stop being such a perfect man to her and throw in a little bit of asshole type guy in? I just don't want to have her lose what she fell in love with though

[Valixy]

How old are you two?

[Fear2Love]

I'm mid 20s she's early 20s