GF pushing proposal

[BlueMoonSal]

Dude... DO NOT propose because it's the next logical step.

JUST ****ING DON'T.

Propose ONLY because she's the one-and-only. If not... break up with her and move on.

Even if he does proposes and it were for real, it's not going to be a surprise anymore. His gf might even feel it's done only because she practically pushed him into a wall with that and both will probably end up resenting each other. I have a feeling their relationship will not last for too long. The OP's gf doesn't sound willing to wait for another year and he is going to get more pressured into it.

I would very much hate a man proposing because of me and not out of free will; because he wants to.

[dickriculous]

Even if he does proposes and it were for real, it's not going to be a surprise anymore. His gf might even feel it's done only because she practically pushed him into a wall with that and both will probably end up resenting each other. I have a feeling their relationship will not last for too long. The OP's gf doesn't sound willing to wait for another year and he is going to get more pressured into it.

I would very much hate a man proposing because of me and not out of free will; because he wants to.

That's one of the major reasons why I broke up with my ex who did the same thing to me. Wtf kind of person even wants to get married if they know the only reason you're doing it is because they pushed you into it? My answer was: The kind who was lying every time she said she loved me, what she loved was the status of being married and having a nice rock on her finger. How can you love someone and care so little about whether or not they genuinely love you and want to marry you that they're willing to just jump blindly into a marriage because you forced the issue? And why would you want to marry someone who lets you make his biggest life decisions for him unless you had every intention of controlling and manipulating him for your own personal gain?

OP can try reasoning with her but if she's being as pushy about it as he makes it sound there should be red flags painting the atmosphere crimson.

[BlueMoonSal]

Wtf kind of person even wants to get married if they know the only reason you're doing it is because they pushed you into it? My answer was: The kind who was lying every time she said she loved me, what she loved was the status of being married and having a nice rock on her finger.

Or can also be the kind that has no self-esteem nor loves/respects herself. It's depressing and outrageous having to beg a man like that, devaluing yourself like that.

A smart woman with self-esteem would happily decline an insincere proposal right away.

I wonder what is the OP's update.

[smackie9]

She will get pregnant before they get married.....if they ever do.

[vashti]

GeSo lately my gf of almost 2 years is making all kinds of references about "when am I getting a ring" "how long til we get married" etc. I told her she's impatient and that I would make it the right time for "us" and she says "or you... I just don't want to wait forever" I told her she wont but then says "oh it'll be at least 2 or 3 years" and I'm like no I'll propose before that and then she says well we wont get married before at least two years.

Finally I just said "I dont know what you want me to say." I love her and want to marry her but want it to be the right time. I'm still getting my masters and don't have a full time work position yet. I want to be self sufficient before I'm married. We're still young (early mid 20s) and idk what the rush is. Honestly this pressuring me is getting frustrating. I'm just trying to do whats best for us rather than making rash decisions.

I think another part of it is that she wants to have children sooner rather than later. Now don't get me wrong I want kids, but I want to be in the right situation for kids. Now, she recently got a full time salary and benefits position, somaybe it's "right" for her, but she's already talking about moving on from that job to a new one. Don't you want to be more settled than that when starting a family? And if I'm being totally honest here, I'd like to have a few years of marriage without kids first. Take some time, get established in jobs, and maybe travel and see the world with just she and I.

She talks about wanting to do some of this stuff, but let's that desire for a "ring" take precedent. I'm very frustrated.

I agree with basilandthyme; why have you not TOLD this girl what you need to have accomplished before you propose? Is it really so hard to propose a timeline and some goals to work towards? I realize you may not feel ready yet, but this is also HER life, and she has a right to make some plans of her own, and quite frankly, too many of you guys string a girl along indefinitely for women to not consider that this may be the case for you.

You said you are in your mid 20s; it is not unusual for women this age to have an eye on the future. You may THINK you have all the time in the world for getting married and having babies, but she doesn't. When you consider the length of time it takes to develop a meaningful relationship before getting married and having babies, she is right to not want to go chasing after pipe dreams.

[basilandthyme]

*You must spread around some more reputation before giving it to Vashi again*

[Rowen]

Dude... DO NOT propose because it's the next logical step.

JUST ****ING DON'T.

Propose ONLY because she's the one-and-only. If not... break up with her and move on.

^ BINGO!

If you propose because you feel like it's logical, you're marrying for convenience... It's like car-shopping (Excuse the analogy, ladies, as it's like-wise for you with men too). Let's say you're shopping for a new car... You want something that you feel like is going to suit you really well. You go to one dealer...He spends 4 hours showing you his latest model, and it sounds ****ing brilliant, right? But you're not dead set on it- you have doubts because you can't really picture yourself driving it, can you? But you buy it anyway because you felt it's "logical" and look what you have...a beautiful car you hate driving while someone else would be THRILLED to be the driver... I know it's a bit of a crude analogy, but think of it this way; do you really want to be the driver who grows to despise their car when you could have a car you without-a-doubt LOVE driving? THAT, my friend, is logical.

In this life, people will tell you to settle for what makes sense. You know what I say to that? **** THEM! **** THEM TILL THEIR BRAINS TURN TO SHIT! What "makes sense" isn't always what's best for you. You're entitled with the natural right to pursue happiness, so why not find it? If you search, you'll be sure to find your peace. Enter something of convenience, and you're in for a life of misery.

That's just my two cents...

[bluesummer]

God, I just can't stand women that pressure men for marriage. I can't even understand why someone under the age of 30 would want to get married, but I guess that's just me. There's so much more to life and so many things to experience I don't know why it's most people's highest priority to tie themselves to another person for life. Yeesh.

OP, I feel like you do in the sense that one shouldn't consider having children until you've spent a few years in the marriage to give yourself some time to determine if the relationship is sound enough to introduce children. You should also probably have achieved a couple of your life goals and be in a stable financial situation.

I think it's important that you guys really talk and you need to TELL her all the things you've said here. What you want for YOUR life and your lives together (if that happens). There are healthy forms of compromise and there are unhealthy ones. If she's willing to constantly put the screws to you to get what she wants it's time to go. However, you need to put all your cards on the table first and let her into your thoughts and see what she does with it. Give her a chance to show whether or not it's important to her simply to get married and knocked up, or if she is truly concerned with making sure you have a healthy and lasting relationship built on building each other up.

[IndiReloaded]

BlueSum! Nice to see you posting. Are you able to post an update to BJ?

[bluesummer]

Yup it looks like I'm still allowed on there (I'm always expecting to get 'deleted' lol

[basilandthyme]

To those who think she has no dignity, do you believe it's OK for a woman to want to know what her partner's life plans are? Where does the line between her figuring out if they have matching timelines vs pushing for marriage get drawn?

[anchel1231]

I think your partner have full right to know about your future planning so he/she could prepare herself according to your planning.

[Rowen]

To those who think she has no dignity, do you believe it's OK for a woman to want to know what her partner's life plans are? Where does the line between her figuring out if they have matching timelines vs pushing for marriage get drawn?

I agree with this fully.

Think about it; how many people come on here posting threads about issues involving their partner not wanting to get married yet? And what do we do? We give them advice on how to communicate properly with their partner and find out, once and for all, if the relationship can progress any further. It'd be the same thing if she had made an account instead of this OP. So, in the end, it all comes down to the fact that they need to figure out where they're going and how they want to get there...not have him give in because it "only seems logical" and not have her play the role of the woman pressing for everything.

To be honest, I think it would be fair to say she was seriously pressing, for no reason, to get married if it was only about 4-5 months into the relationship.

Bottom line: Talk to your girlfriend- a long, in depth talk where you both agree going in that you're not going to fight about it and you're not going to offend one another with anything that either of you may say. Listen to her side of things fully, and listen to how she FEELS about her side...because nine times out of ten, she's just as upset about this as you are. And then have her listen to you the same way...BUT lay down the rule before going into the conversation that neither can speak while the other is sharing (It makes it easier not to break into a fight.).

Most of all, make eye contact. You two love each other, don't you? Eye contact during a conversation like that can go a long way. It can help convey just how you're feeling, and it will allow both of you to come up with a reasonable solution/compromise for the situation. I will warn you, though, not to marry out of convenience... HIA knows all about that, and it never works. Ever.

And, in the end after your talk, if she has communicated with you and still pressures you, then I think you have your answer...

[smackie9]

Ya there are so many young ladies out there with tunnel vision....they only think off getting to the alter and start making babies is their only means of happiness.....then when it all happens, they are broke, unhappy, fighting, thinking life has been so unfair....oh my god fairytales are not true!

[smackie9]

I think the warnings here are quite valid. She says "we" but she really means "me". She is being real insecure for sure....she's in panic mode.

Hopefully you follow the advice given, and get your GF back down to reality....instill some confidence with firm planning for the future.