lil confused

[1reason1love]

For those who dont know i had a gf til about a week ago for about a month and b4 that i only knew her for 2-3 weeks...the reason we broke up is because she felt she didnt know me too good to continue this relationship and so she wanted to start off with a good get to know u base and to kno me as a good friend first instead of kno me as the intimate romantic type for now...

some of the advice i got was to stop hoping for a further relationship, or shes just letting me down easy..well she just left for vacation and we said our farewells for the next 2 weeks...she said she wants to be in contact with me and stil wants to talk and all that stuff...

i would really want to get back with her but for now im just layin low tryin to give her room and just act normal and not come on too strong...u kno b a good friend.

what does this mean? someone explain...

[mini696]

Dont lay low... Show her what a good friend is all about. Show her how much fun you can have together that doesnt include intimacy (sic).

Relationships that are built solely on intimacy are never going to be creative and productive. You cant always be groping her just for something to do. The times apart (even if you are only a meter apart) must be as enjoyable as the times you are close together. Understand?

Mick

[1reason1love]

Thanks Mini,
I like her so much that it is going to be hard to act just like a friend and have all the fun w/o intimacy..i mean i can do it w/o intimacy but to do that i will have to withhold from alot of things, things even great friends might be doing..so my problem is where should i start? Should i call her up and ask her to hang out 1 on 1? or w/ a group of friends?

I kno i can do this but it will be hard for me.

[mini696]

If you can't do it (friends without intamacy) then you two shouldn't be together.

Trust me, if she can see you are genuine about being her friend and having fun, then she'll come around, and your relationship will be much stronger. Mine is.

I speak from experience. My current GF and I went out for a week, broke up, and I forced myself to remain friends and show her that;
a) even though I was really hurt, I could still be nice to someone who is honest and not out to deliberatly hurt or play me.
b) I was a fun guy, and had my own life, so I didnt rely on her to make me happy (that I was happy with her and without).

She even hooked up with another bloke the week after, but I remained her friend (It hurt a damn f-load, but I got through it). So now we joke about it as "my week's trial".

[mini696]

I like her so much that it is going to be hard to act just like a friend and have all the fun w/o intimacy..i mean i can do it w/o intimacy but to do that i will have to withhold from alot of things, things even great friends might be doing..so my problem is where should i start? Should i call her up and ask her to hang out 1 on 1? or w/ a group of friends?

I kno i can do this but it will be hard for me.

It is hard to be a friend when you have been intimate (how intimate are we talking here?) but as I said above, if she is a genuine girl she will see how you make that effort, and like you for it.

Withold from the intimacy, but not the friendship. Tell her you dont want to do 'this' and 'that' because you dont want her thinking you are coming on to her again. Remind her that everything you do from now on is in the interests of improving your friendship.

Ask her out, see if she will suggest something but if that wont happen, say something like "I am going here with 'so-and-so' I would love you to come too? But if you would prefer I can book us a table 'here'......"

I would suggest the "with friends" option first.

Mick

[1reason1love]

Man that makes me feel so much better. U do have alot of experience it sounds like. Alright i will try all of this. Thanks alot for your input and advice, it helped alot.

[mini696]

Not a lot of experience... Just willing to share, because people on these forums will tell you like it is and not give any fancy answers (most of the time).

I'm a thinker. I have a lot of trouble putting anything on paper, whether its art or just a description of how I feel. But I'm getting better.

Mick
PS Dont be upset if this doesnt end the way you want. You must be genuine in your friendship and not have an alternate motive to get back with her.

PPS Read my post here (number 6) its got a bit of my story from my ex-fiance (fiance of 2 years). It may make it clear why I believe "love isnt enough"
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?p=112402&posted=1#post112402[/url]

[1reason1love]

"You must be genuine in your friendship and not have an alternate motive to get back with her."

By that do u mean i have to forget about getting back w/ her completely and start thinking solely about being just great friends?

ps. sry about the ex fiance situation.

[Tone]

Change your ****ing location - that shit is annoying.

[mini696]

Change your ****ing location - that shit is annoying.

Talk about easially annoyed...

[mini696]

"You must be genuine in your friendship and not have an alternate motive to get back with her."

By that do u mean i have to forget about getting back w/ her completely and start thinking solely about being just great friends.

Yes... Thats pretty much it.

ps. sry about the ex fiance situation.

Nah dont be sorry. She broke my heart but, really made me a much, much stronger person, she taught me a lot of things that has made my current relationship such a beautiful thing. I trust more, I'm not afraid of showing my love, and I'm not afraid about talking about problems.