Single or Married?

[ladyluck87]

I don't know if this guy is married but we have been dating for a few weeks now. We've gone out a few lunch dates, and he's been to my house once. Don't ask me why, but I asked if he had a girlfriend and he said no and asked why I waited two weeks to ask him something like that. Thus far, he has been honest about himself, his job, his family, and other small facts about his life. However that one plaguing question is: Are you married? He asks me questions about my child's father, but I haven't felt comfortable enough to start asking him too many questions about his daughter and his situation with his ex. He talks about his daughter alot and briefly mentioned the mother, but that's it. We follow one another on Instagram, but sometimes I'm iffy on him. He's a very short texter, which I'm used to at this point. He calls me when he's in the store or in his car. We never talk on the phone late at night but we do text. He's affectionate in public, and we do live on a very small military base town. He's even talked about wanting to talk with my dad who is retired military since he has a lot of knowledge of the Army. When we are together, he's always on his phone right beside me or in front of me. There's no passlock on the phone.

My cousin went to college with him and remembers him being quiet and very nice in school. She checked his Facebook and there are no pictures of any recent pictures of a woman, but in March 2011...we did see that he did get married. His status says: "Single" and "Interested in Women".But since 2012, there have been no posts or pictures of any wife only pictures of he and his daughter. However, on her page...she has recent pictures of herself, her last name is not his last name, but she has an old cover photo of him and her still up!

All in all...I am not able to surmise his status because somethings make sense but others do not. I won't know until I ask but what do you all think? Again I know it could have been easily rectified by asking the basic questions, but I took it for granted that we wouldn't be talking and dating if he weren't single.

[WatchmansMoon]

I'm glad for you that you said

I took it for granted that we wouldn't be talking and dating if he weren't single.

I guess that today one should question whether someone's still married if they're out dating, but it's sad that we've come to that as a culture, isn't it? My thought in reading your post was "of course he's not married ~ he's dating you" but, the fact that you're questioning it is cause of concern. Are you picking up on more than just what you're seeing in some Facebook pictures, or is this possibly something that you've experienced in the past and you're worried because of that? Sometimes women just have that sense. If you're worried, have you thought that the longer you wait to just ask, the more you may be emotionally attached to him and the harder it will be later if your fears are realized and you have to break it off? Maybe you could approach the topic from the assumption he truly is divorced (i.e. "obviously you're divorced... can we talk a little about what happened to bring you to that place?") Should a topic like that be off limits if your affections are growing? Since you both have children, full disclosure and honesty would be very important to me. I hope you can find peace in this soon. Hugs and blessings to you!

[Maple1714]

Why don't you just ask him? Stop guessing and assuming and just ask what his deal is...don't be scared. Why haven't you asked yet? It's pretty normal to ask those type of questions early on I think. I have met this one guy about 3 times total..and every time I see him the first thing he asks is "So, what's your deal with the father of your child?" He was waiting for his chance I guess...hahaha.

Ugh...men. I wish women would stop being so scared to say this or that...or ask questions. Lay it all out on the table I say.

[basilandthyme]

All you have to do is initiate a conversation about his daughter. As the conversation develops, just ask the questions you need to know.

[ladyluck87]

I'm glad for you that you said I guess that today one should question whether someone's still married if they're out dating, but it's sad that we've come to that as a culture, isn't it? My thought in reading your post was "of course he's not married ~ he's dating you" but, the fact that you're questioning it is cause of concern. Are you picking up on more than just what you're seeing in some Facebook pictures, or is this possibly something that you've experienced in the past and you're worried because of that? Sometimes women just have that sense. If you're worried, have you thought that the longer you wait to just ask, the more you may be emotionally attached to him and the harder it will be later if your fears are realized and you have to break it off? Maybe you could approach the topic from the assumption he truly is divorced (i.e. "obviously you're divorced... can we talk a little about what happened to bring you to that place?") Should a topic like that be off limits if your affections are growing? Since you both have children, full disclosure and honesty would be very important to me. I hope you can find peace in this soon. Hugs and blessings to you!

Thank you! OMG! You're so sweet. It's just a female's intuition cradled with a common distrust of men based on my own previous hurtful experiences. I don't know if I will hear from him again considering we haven't talked since Monday, but yeah he has been very inquisitive to my life but I was trying to play it really cool...too cool I think.

[ladyluck87]

All you have to do is initiate a conversation about his daughter. As the conversation develops, just ask the questions you need to know.

You're right. Nothing difficult about it. I've just made it that way.

[ladyluck87]

Why don't you just ask him? Stop guessing and assuming and just ask what his deal is...don't be scared. Why haven't you asked yet? It's pretty normal to ask those type of questions early on I think. I have met this one guy about 3 times total..and every time I see him the first thing he asks is "So, what's your deal with the father of your child?" He was waiting for his chance I guess...hahaha.

Ugh...men. I wish women would stop being so scared to say this or that...or ask questions. Lay it all out on the table I say.

Yeah, LOL! Same here. He asks those questions, but I just haven't. I asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said "No, why would you wait two weeks to ask me something like that?" and I said "I don't know. I just had to ask you now because I have that feeling." and he says "Like what? What makes you think that?" and I said "Dunno just do." and he says "Well, I think you have a boyfriend" and I replied, "Not at all" and I asked him again, "You sure there's no girlfriend?" and he said "No."

However everyone keeps telling me that I asked the wrong questions.