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Thread: A girl friends "evolution" a boyfriends confusion

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    Male
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    A girl friends "evolution" a boyfriends confusion

    Hi I am posting here for the second time to ask advice on the junction in the relationship that im in
    Im a 21 year old Indian male and my girlfriend is 21 years old and African American; we go to college tighter and that is where we primarily see each other.
    There are now 3 defining instances in our relationship that I would like to discuss with yall, I want you guys to know also that this is my first real relationship and we’ve been togteher for approximately 8 months now.
    The first issue was something I had posted here before on LF a woman approached her in the supermarket and asked her if she wanted to be a model, but then she found out this lady also takes erotic photos and she told me that she was going to do it and she told me she was going to do it even if I wasn’t “ok” with it and I forced myself to fake that I was ok with it at first the I called her and told her how I felt and she said she was going through with the shoot, many of you guys here at LF told me to dump her. Well how that situation played out was that when she texted me the next day she asked me if she went through with this would I break up with her and I told her I don’t want too, that I care for her but that if she did this she would ruin her life because shes going to college to become a teacher.
    She agreed to not go through with the modeling, I don’t know what she did that day where she went to take the photos but she said she did nothing of that nature and she signed nothing.
    The next 2 occurrences was today, while walking her to class she would always joke saying that I don’t know her or that I can’t handle her but today she said that even if we get married there will be a side of her she “can’t show me”, I told her that she doesn’t have to hide who she is from me, that ill always love and accept her. To which she told me that I need to know shes “changing”, going through a “sexual awakening and that she loves it”.
    At this point I think I need to stop and explain; my girlfriend whom used to live with a real jerk of a step father who used to verbally put her down and control her life. Now that shes living by herself she feels more confidence and is embracing her feminity such as wearing dresses and make up a lot, getting highlights in her hair and just overall feeling more confident and im happy for her but also shes changing her persona as well shes always felt people tried to take advantage of her “because she was so nice” as she put it so now shes going for a more aggressive personality infact she told me today its self that shes even going to change her first and last names.
    So back to the second occurrences, when she told me her lifes changing I asked her what was going on she said she didn’t want to say, that I wouldn’t understand, or that I was too close minded…once I begged her enough times and she finally told me, that recently….shes started stripping.
    She didn’t tell me how long shes going to do this or that if she likes it or if its to make ends meet now that shes living by herself.
    I am I happy about this? Hell no, the thought that the woman I care about doing that to and for men who could be old enough to be her father….. but I kept my mouth shut, she said this was “just a job.”

    The last occurrence was also today, she told me over text that there’s a lot of things going on and that there’s a lot of pressure so she wants us to “take a break” she said she dosnt know for how long but I can still text her :/
    So this basically means that I can’t wait for her and talk before or after classes
    So I asked her basically I can only text you and you don’t want me to see you and you don’t know for how long.
    She said all shes asking for is some time because she has a lot going on that she cant tell me about and that she need some space…

    Guys….wtf am I supposed to do, this is my first relationship and I have no idea what going on or what to do

    When im with here i have those moment where i see the woman i feel in love with and the smile that makes my day when i see it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Twin Cities
    Posts
    3,763
    Consider this relationship a practice relationship. You're both at an age where you will potentially be going through a lot of changes, so it's unlikely that your relationship is going to last forever. Enjoy this relationship while it lasts, learn what you can, and if things don't work out, get on with your life. Also, stop trying to control her. If you don't like how she is living her life, then the two of you have incompatible values, and that's a dealbreaker. Just because she's attractive doesn't mean that she is the right person for you.
    Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    Male
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    7
    I don’t do anything to control her; the decisions she makes are solely her own with perhaps the exception of the modeling where I told her it was a bad idea but let her know that the final decision up to her and that id support her decision if this is what she wanted
    I just wonder what exactly is going on that she can’t tell me I mean what’s really much worse than what shes said so far? At least that what the thoughts are going on in my head

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