Have I made a total mess of things or can I get things back on track?

[cherryblossom20]

Hey everyone,

I'll try and keep this as short as possible (ish!) but would love your advice as feeling kind of rubbish about this situation.

I met a guy ago about 6 months ago in a local bar, we hit it off straight away had a great night, got in incredibly well, chemistry etc was all there. I knew straight away he was younger then me, we established that he was 10 years younger then me (him 27 me 37) I look the same age as him if not younger then him, straight I away I said nothing would happen but he didn't seem concerned at all and pursued me heavily. I stayed the night at his place, fully clothed - nothing happened! He offered to take me out for breakfast I said no as I wanted to get home, he then asked me out for dinner that night and I said sure. We had an amazing date. The whole week we chatted and then he took me shopping on the Saturday a week later as he needed to get some clothes for him holiday to New York that following week. He bought me lunch and was a true gentleman, that evening he asked me out and I met all his mates. I was a truly awesome week. He said he was infacturated with me (all drunk conversation!) and then said to his brother to look after me while he was away as one day he was going to marry me. I was pretty shocked but I really liked the guy so didn't mind and took it with a pinch of salt as he was drunk. Without sounding too big headed I'm an attractive girl who is fully independant, own my own flat, good job, fun, career minded etc I made it clear on our date that I liked guys who were independent and that I'm not the needy type.

He went on holiday, messaged me every day, showing me photos of his hols - I never instigated once.

He wanted to see me as soon as he got back so I went to his flat, and we watched a film together. Then without being too graphic we had a bit of fun on the sofa...but didn't have sex. I felt he went a bit cold afterwards. I know he was jet lagged and partied out but when we got into bed he started checking his phone to see how much he spent on holiday which I thought was rude. No cuddles when we went to sleep. So the next morning I got up and said that he woudn't see me again which he was shocked by, he said why and I said because he was 'offish' with me the night before and said I felt like I did something wrong. He seemed baffled so I said don't worry about it and kissed him and then left. He sent me a message when I got home to say that he was sorry but just really tired. I just felt very vulnerable, I didn't really know the guy and after being intimate with someone I don't expect them to prettty much ignore me in bed - literally turn over and fall asleep!

After then that things got worse...I started instigated conversation just a few messages saying how was his day going, he replied but didn't really instigate anything. So I asked if he wanted to hang out that weekend and he said was seeing friends. So I wished him a nice weekend. I heard nothing for four days so I apologised for my mini freak out, he said the reason he didn't want to see me again was because I said he was 'offish' with me. So I asked did he mean he didn't want to see me again or was this the end of the story. No reply. Until that weekend 3 days later came a late night text around 1.30 am just saying hey. I ignored. Then 2 days later he sent another message at a more respectable time just saying how are you? We had a brief but odd conversation with him just saying he was shattered and needed to go to bed. I decided I had enough with the flaky/vague messages so sent him a message saying it was over, that he was behaving immaturely and that I've lost interest. 2 days later he responds saying pretty much that I was the immature one and that he doesn't feel did anything wrong. So I decide to apologise again!! I know crazy...I said that I apologised for over reacting and that I did like him, my behaviour was out of character. Did he fancy meeting up for coffee to clear the air. The next day he said maybe next week, got a lot on.

A week later he sends me a message on Friday night saying how you doing, I respond the next day saying good thanks, away this weekend. He replys back that evening saying nice where are you. And that was a week ago. Nothing since....

I'm completing ignoring him now. I can't understand how someone can change their mind over something which I feel was quite minor at the start? He was so into me, talking about marriage etc it just baffles me? I was very aloof at the start, showed I was independent so this doesnt make sense.

Is there anyway at all I can claw this back to him pursing me again? Or have I totally blown it? And what's with the weekend evening messages? I know's I won't sleep with a guy until I know them so if anything he would have to work even harder to get me in the bed. So a booty call is hardly going to work on me.

Guys/girls what can I do? Help as I this is the first guy I've liked in ages....and I'm fussy!

Thanks to anyone who replies xxx

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You ignore him and expect him to continue contact. That is just one of a plethora of contradictions you've vexed him with. You're the only one sending flaky/vague messages. You're really full of yourself too, and I don't mean because you're proud of your success, I mean because now, after being a complete cunt to him, you still have it in your head to "make him work", when he's shown very little interest in interacting with you at all. You are the one who needs to be putting in extra work to show you are worth it.

You come off as crazy.

[4 ratties]

I don't see anything that this guy has done wrong, and many things that you've done wrong. Time to take a look at yourself, not him.

[sweet05]

Hey, he is just not that into you.

[smackie9]

Age does have a lot to do with this. He is immature to you, even tho he doesn't seem to think so...so it's pretty much done.

[searock]

Your initial mistake was to miscommunicate to him that morning after you slept together.

Instead of telling him out of the blue that he wouldn't be seeing you again (which btw sounds like you're pretty full of yourself), you should have communicated to him that you felt ignored and disrespected the night before, because he didn't cuddle you in bed and went directly to sleep. He would have explained that he didn't mean to come off as emotionally distant, he was actually just tired. You would have understood and hugged him and kissed him and made up with him. End of story.

He probably realized at that moment that you two were incompatible due to communication issues.