Things I learned from my "mom"

[Loveworld]

good joob dude

[oxytocinbite]

YES. I remember saying something like this to my mom as a teenager when she told me I'd been an accident that had adversely affected her life. "I didn't ask to be born." So why are you treating me like shit because I was? You had the option to NOT keep me, but you made the decision to have a child so be a ****ing parent. Try your hardest to be a good one.

I'm struggling with issues with my mom too. Sometimes I really don't like her as a person and it feels horrible to say that about your own mother, but listening to years of how crappy her life was because I came around, and what a horrible person I was (you made me that way, lady!) made me bitter. It's not your duty to love and respect your parents unless they love and respect you. If they don't, screw them. They never should have been parents then.

I feel the same exact way, I actually sent my mom an email today telling her how I felt and if she didn't treat me with respect and love then I want nothing to do with her. The thing with my mom is she seems to think that she does nothing wrong and it is me and my sister's who treat her like shit. There were times when I was really mean but only after she called me names or talked behind my back about me.

[Vikram Anand]

wonderful stuffs!! lot of wisdom.
Thanks for sharing

[vashti]

1. Coercion and threats are the first way to get what you want from your family members.

2. If coercion and threats fail, use physical violence.

3. When physical violence begins failing, resort to withholding your love. If they know you regard them as unworthy of love, they'll beg to have it back*

*of course, you have to actually show love beforehand for that to have effect. Mom: Fail.

It's ok "Mom". I've learned better now. I've learned what love is, and what it isn't... and what it isn't, I mostly learned from you. When my father dies, there's an excellent chance we'll never speak again - I'm good with that.

I know this is an old thread now, but I think about it from time to time.

I grew up in similar circumstances, with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and alcoholism. I hated my mother for a very long time, and my father died (of alcohol) while we were completely estranged due to unforgivable behaviors. I never felt bad about not having a relationship with my father, and never cried when he died. I actually enjoyed his funeral, because I was able to get together with all my siblings, like a family reunion.

I struggled more with my rage at my mother, though. I actually would have cut her out of my life entirely, were it not for the fact that I was unwilling to cut myself out of family holidays with my siblings. My mother has mellowed with age, and I have come to a place of acceptance. She really WAS very limited in her ability to act as a normal parent, and she still is. I have learned to expect absolutely NOTHING from her, and it has helped.

The thing I am thinking though, is that there must be some small part of you that remains unresolved. The reason I think this is that I never would have thought to post a thread about my parents, so far removed am I from the pain. It's almost as though that portion of my life happened to someone else.

Maybe you should consider seeking some professional assistance to gain some peace?

[HeartIsAching]

Maybe.

I've had two years of therapy. Never really touched that in particular. I got some surprise from a few therapists, and one that told me that it did indeed sound like my mother was a sociopath.

[MeloveeNetwork]

Yes, dad was in the picture - they've been married for 45 years. Dad wasn't home much, he worked a lot, mainly to satisfy my "mother" and her demands, and also I'm sure to avoid going home.

Unfortunately, my father doesn't come from long-lived stock, and my "mother" does. She's in her 60's and could pass for 40'