please make the pain go away

[Naive1976]

I was stupid and fell for a coworker. We worked really well together and she was always flirting. It was perfect so I thought I'd ask her out for a drink sometime, I didn't say date but just a friendly night out.
I always thought she was single, she never mentioned boyfriend, just “friend”, so I thought easy enough. Well I got my night out finally, but she brought her friend with and it was really awkward when we met up at the club.
Anyways I was a real gentleman and played friendly with the guy but he wasn't interested in meeting me so I went with the flo it didn't feel good so I went home.

I got creeped out by that experience and put it behind me and move on thinking it was just a silly crush and it would pass...

we never went passed flirting and after that night I could see she was already dating some other guy, so not much there after that.

I just want to get over this but it dosent go away. I'm so stupid. I dont want to say how I feel because I know its wrong and it would never work.

Every time I hear about her friend it rips my heart out. I know it makes me look really creepy and i don't wanna be that creepy guy always perusing her.

I don't know how to approach it, im thinking about just cutting out all chit chat to get her off my mind.

Shes always stopping by and always giving me a little hope to hold on to then she crushes me when she tells me she did this and that with him like you know fun things like nice dates and doing cool fun things.

It just crushes me everytime and i hate feeling sad all the time.

What should I do?

[thompkevin]

The easiest way to end this obsession is to find someone else and start dating her. When you have your own stories of cool fun things you did with your girlfriend, you will not be crushed by hers.

[AshUnlimited]

The easiest way to end this obsession is to find someone else and start dating her. When you have your own stories of cool fun things you did with your girlfriend, you will not be crushed by hers.

The dude is right,

[mollymari]

Ya, what they said, start dating someone else, get some new memories. Could be this girl thinks of you as her buddy and shares with you as one does in those situations. Yet if you think she's aware of your crush on her and she continues to tell you about her and her boyfriend, well, sounds kinda gamey to me and who wants that right? Yup, go on some outings with other girls. Her reactions to your new stories will tell you more.

[bluenote99]

all the replies are spot on find someone for yourself and this pain you are feeling will fade away,trying to limit contact will help too,if unavoidable because of work then try to keep it cool and professional and avoid talking about your lives outside of work

[Rainyy]

Doing other things that you enjoy will help you forget all the bad things and eventually get over it

[DalM0m]

I'm sorry this happened to you. It makes sense that you feel awkward. Even though you can't see it right now, lets look at some of the small positives.

1. You are brave. You asked a woman out. Doing that takes courage because the fear of rejection can be incapacitating.

2. You listen for the telltale verbal cues. You thought you had a green light because she said "friend" not "boyfriend." Had she been clearer, you never would have asked. Good for you for knowing when to ask & when to back off with the info you were given.

3. You were a gentleman. Given the fact that she surprised you by bringing along the BF you still acted with dignity. Not many people could have done that.

4. She at least recognizes what a good guy you are because she's gotten past the awkward & is trying to put your work friendship back on track. I know you don't want that & you are entitled to avoid it but at least recognize it as a good quality in yourself that you are such a valued colleague that she's willing to try.

Now getting over will be harder than normal because you can't cut all contact. You still have to work with her. You can limit contact. Only talk about work stuff. Change the subject or make up an excuse to leave the conversation when it deviates from work subjects. It will be tough but she seems perceptive enough that she should pick up the hints & chat less. When you are desensitized to her, perhaps you can work to resume the friendship if that is something you still might want.

Those who suggested that you find another romantic interest have offered you the best advice. It's a very practical way to get over rejection.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Start doing heroin. That will make the pain go away.

[smackie9]

Find a new job, then never date a co-worker again.

[Empty Road]

If this job isn't serious for you, I agree with smackie and find a new job. Trying to get over this by dating a new girl might not be a practical solution since it takes time to meet someone. And if you get rejected again, you will be 100% worst. So best is to recover on your own and go out have fun with friends. That's why having a good set of close friends are important for times when you need their support.

[sara12345]

Possibly find a new job if you can, and if not just start seeing new girls and keep yourself occupied

[romantic-88]

FOR NAIVE 1976:

If you find out the recipee for forgetting how much pain you have been through (love pain), then please share with EVERYONE.
I am not sure if anyone can answer you, ever!
I am sorry I am not the best person to give advice BUT I am sorry for your pain and I hope you will find a way to forget, to continue your life and to be happy!
best wishes

[Tug]

Dude stay away from her. If she keeps stopping by to talk to you make your answers short and blunt. If she wants to chit chat tell her your busy, she'll get the hint. You were sucked into something that isnt a possibility and you were the one that was going to get hurt. She refers to her b/f as a friend, I wonder if he knows that?