I don't know how to show my partner

[noname123]

Hello,

I made a huge mistake when I started dating my, now former, girlfriend, within my heart was still another person. It was only a little part of my heart.
But now after a year, it become worse than ever, my gf still thinks that I love this other person.

I don't know what I can do to show her, that I have no interst in this other girl anymore.
I love my former gf very very much and I don't wanna give up on her!

[atir12]

I'm guessing you started dating your now ex-girlfriend when you still had some sort of feelings for the person before her. I would understand her getting mad at you if you still had feelings for somebody else. Of course I think you shouldn't have started dating her when you still had unresolved feelings for somebody else, but it's only human and these things happen. But if you are sure there is nothing there anymore, all you need to do is tell your ex-girlfriend just that. It's over and you're not interested. Then she either believes you or she doesn't, I don't think there's anything else that you can do.

Just curious: did she break up with you because of that or did you have other issues?

[noname123]

thats the reason

I did tell her, I even showed her that I love her when I visited her and she also was very happy (it was a distance relationship) but now I feel this thought is stronger in her mind than ever

[atir12]

It looks like she has some trust issues, then. It's only normal that, knowing you started dating while having some other girl in your head, upsets her. She probably thinks you're lying and telling her that just as a desperate way to win her back.

I don't know what else you can do, honestly. I think the problem here is her lack of trust and not you. She's afraid to get hurt.

[noname123]

its not that i dont understand her that shes upset. i even flew to her so i can apologize, she even said she took me seriously since then but her sister tricked and lied to me and now its worse than ever and flying to her wouldnt be good since i was there just a few weeks ago (i'm still thinking about it though)

[atir12]

Her sister shouldn't have anything to do with it and if she is letting other people influence her, that's her own problem. I think you did what you have to do - flying to her to reassure her she is the one you want. If you really like this girl, give her some time and keep insisting and telling her you're interested only in her. But if she insists on not wanting anything to do with you and not trusting you, I would suggest you to move on.

[noname123]

agreed, she said she did it for her sister, but this is getting out of control now
since my former gf has a really angry side, shes doing really bad things.....but i bear with this side until i meet her again.

[atir12]

It's weird it even makes sense to her that she does something concerning her own relationship based on what her sister said/wants. But good luck! I hope she will come around and start believing in you

[noname123]

yeah
thanks for your replies!!

I hope someone else has an idea to this situation?!

[smackie9]

You are blowing it all out of proportion. People get all jealous about their partner's past relationships, because that's what happens when you are in love. Being long distance makes the insecurity even worse.......it could also be her pushing you to put a ring on her finger.

If she can't get over her insecurities, tough tits then. Stand your ground. If she start in on you about it, tell her there isn't more to talk about. Then leave it. If you keep trying to convince her, it makes you look guilty. If you cut her off, that shows you got balls and she can't push you around like that. She will get upset, but if you don't respond it will teach her that she needs to stop it or she's going to lose you....well not really, but you want her to feel that way.....you need to get the upper hand in this or it will not stop.

[pl8tonic]

Relationships are built on trust and trust is built on honesty, be honest and open with her and give her time; if she really cares about you she’ll get over this in due time, it’s a bit harder for you because of the distance thing in your case but if she holds on to this like a grudge shell never be completely happy with you

[Boisdevie]

if she really cares about you she’ll get over this in due time

Yeah, her insecurity will magically go away. That was irony by the way. And the distance thing doesn't help either - she probably thinks he's off shagging other women when they're not together. Long distance relationships = disaster

[noname123]

thanks for your answers!!

someone suggested to me something extreme but I'm unsure if I should do it.
this someone suggested that I should record while I pretend to sleep with someone else and at the end of this I show a picture of my love.
My love would be angry at first but then go into sadness and come to me. She'd see that she's the only one.

I know this is extreme but would this be helpful?

[DalM0m]

That would be idiotic. Your GF won't get to the end. Whatever you do, don't do that. If you think the sister was keeping you apart before, you don't even want to think about what will happen once the sister finds out you did this. It's beyond boneheaded.

I'm confused about the people in this triangle. We have your GF & another person. Your GF, who is/was long distance broke up with you so that she is now your former GF because you had feelings for the person you dated before you met your GF? Your GF is long distance. You went there at least once before June when you started this thread. You said you were thinking about going back but never said if you did.

What is the status now? Have you been in contact for the last 4 months?

If not, this relationship is dead & buried. Find a way to let it go. If you have been talking & are back together, what's left to fix?

[HeartIsAching]

thanks for your answers!!

someone suggested to me something extreme but I'm unsure if I should do it.
this someone suggested that I should record while I pretend to sleep with someone else and at the end of this I show a picture of my love.
My love would be angry at first but then go into sadness and come to me. She'd see that she's the only one.

I know this is extreme but would this be helpful?

Only if you like being broken up with her. Game-playing is never a good idea.