I feel like part of me has been disconnected...

[TheEvilJester]

All my life, I have been an extremely romantic guy. I am in love with the idea of love. I have always wanted to find the right girl for me. All the same, I've also always been extremely realistic. Meaning, I know that the quest for that one true love can be a crazy, roller coaster ride, and that not every girl/guy you at one point hope to be with can turn out to be the one.

All the same, at one point, I thought I had found "the one." So much so, that we happily got married. Long story short, didn't take too long into the marriage that she completely turned into a different person (or, more likely, revealed her true self she had kept hidden from me all along), and NOT for the better AT ALL.

After a relatively short time, but what felt like an eternity, we decided to end it. I should have been devastated. I should have taken a long time to heal, and to even want to get back into the dating world. But... fact of the matter is that relationship was so bad that I went through all of that crap while I was with her. By the time we decided to end things, I was just done with her. So, in a surprisingly short amount of time, I felt healed.

I was even really excited about getting back into the dating world. I was so excited about the fact that maybe my dream girl was still out there. Maybe she was dreaming of finding me. But, I felt it wasn't right to start yet. Even though I felt ready, the right thing to do was to give myself time first. Unfortunately, that was when I first noticed the girl I talked about in one of my other threads. I've already talked at length about that, so to sum up, it was at a time when I felt the time wasn't right for me to start to move on yet, even though I felt ready. But, deep down, for the first time in my life, I knew I could talk to her when the time was right. I've always been very shy.

Again, long story short, I was laid off (and later got a much better job) before I even got the chance. I have no way to contact her, save for hoping that one of my former co-workers may know her and be able to pass along my contact info. Either way, that felt like too much of a long shot. But, for a long while, I still had a crush on her. Now, it feels like that has started to fade away, and I have started to move on. Unfortunately, I feel a little empty. Like that romantic part of me is there, but it is disconnected now. Kind of strange that the end of my marriage didn't do that to me, but getting a new crush, and then losing my chance to pursue her is what did. I'm not even sad, or depressed, or anything. I am very happy. But, I just don't even feel excited about dating anymore. At least at the moment. I guess in time I will be fine. Though, as I believe I said in my other thread, this time I really don't want to just "be fine." I want my chance to talk to her.

(tl;dr Summary below...)

Quick summary for those who may like to comment, but without the time to read all that...

I ended a bad relationship not too long ago. After slowly realizing how bad that relationship was for me, by the time it ended, I actually found myself excited to get back in the dating world and try again. I have always been extremely romantic and in love with love. Kinda like the dude in all the romantic comedies. LOL! I was excited to try to find my soulmate again... Then I noticed a girl at work and got a crush on her. But, it felt too soon to move on. Not because I wasn't ready, but just because it wasn't right to move on without giving it time. I lost my chance to talk to her when I was laid off (and thankfully found a much better job). Lately, I've started to feel my crush finally start to fade, but it has left me feeling empty, like that romantic part of me is still there, but it is now disconnected. I'm not even depressed or anything. I am actually very happy. But I just suddenly feel kind of indifferent to the pursuit of my true dream girl now.

[bubble]

Well, I can tell you that I personally don't feel all that excited about dating until I feel a spark with someone. I have a problem with randomly going on dates and I just can't bring myself to do it. But when I feel that I like someone, I get excited, happy and romantic. So I'd say that part of you is definitely not dead, just asleep for a short while. When your marriage ended you already liked this new person, so the romantic in you was still active. But now you might be at a point where you don't like anyone all that much, so there's no one to feel romantic about.
Don't let yourself wallow in that state, go out, meet people and you'll meet girls that will make you feel excited again.

[Boisdevie]

Dating is great. You might meet 'The One' or you might not but chances are you'll get some shagging done so what's the downside?

[TheEvilJester]

Thank you to both of you. And just to clarify one thing...

I didn't even notice the girl at my work until shortly after the ex and I decided to break things off. As a matter of fact, I think I had even seen her from time to time before, but just never really made much notice. I was in a relationship (albeit an extremely unhappy one) and I am always very loyal. I would never dream of even looking at another woman when I am in a relationship.

I suppose you may both be right. I don't know, though. Whether in a relationship, or crushing on someone, or even when not having either, I have always been able to feel that part of me. Even when I had nobody specific to focus the feeling on, it has always been there. Right now, I don't seem to feel it. I'm sure it will come back in time. I think, honestly, it is part of having the chance to talk to my crush stolen from me. Because, even sort of starting to get over it, I still really more so would prefer a chance to talk to her rather than to move on and start dating.

Don't get me wrong. It isn't like I'm saying I am putting all my eggs in one basket. If I got to take my chance and she wasn't interested or something, then that is fine. I'd move on, happy in the knowledge that I gave it a try. But, not getting the chance to try and either succeed or fail is what is kind of making me not want to move on.

[bubble]

It sounds like you identified the problem, then. When do you think you'll get a chance to talk to ex coworkers who might still be in touch with her? Can't you find her on facebook or something like that? You won't be able to move on if you're dwelling on "what could've been" with her, so just try to get her info somehow.

[TheEvilJester]

I tried the Facebook route and stuff like that. Honestly made me feel a little weird and stalkerific. LOL! But, I had to tell myself it is okay. People do that these days, plus how else would I get in touch with her? Unfortunately, she either does not have a Facebook (or Myspace, or anything I can find) or she has them well hidden. (You know how you can often make your profile completely unsearchable.)

She seemed really shy. I think that is part of what drew me to her. She also kind of mostly kept to herself. I only really ever saw her hang out at work with one female friend, and beyond that she'd maybe exchange simple pleasantries with a select few people, such as myself. My point being, I doubt many of my co-workers even knew her.

There is one person who I know was on her team (so it could be possible she is still in touch with her), and happens to be somebody I really liked. I really want to keep in touch with her anyway. She happens to have a Facebook, but strikes me as the type of person who doesn't use it very often. I've recently added her, so hopefully she adds me back soon. I wouldn't want to instantly jump on the topic, though. I wouldn't want it to seem like I added her just to reach out to this girl.

Honestly, though, it still feels like a huge longshot. Plus, if it turns out she isn't still in contact with her, I wouldn't really know where else to go from there. I doubt my other friends from work would know her. I suppose it could be worth a try, but this lady from her team seems like the best bet... and honestly, even that feels like a longshot.

[bubble]

Hm, I hope you get some info on that girl soon. You're in no rush, I guess just give yourself time and your romantic feelings will come back. I can imagine you missing that part of yourself, but you don't sound like a bitter, jaded person, so I'm sure it's still there somewhere.

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks, bubble. I think you are definitely correct. I mean, it almost seems like I should feel bitter and jaded. Like, most people would probably expect to go through a period of time feeling like that. But, I am honestly not. I am extremely happy now and very enthusiastic about where my new life may take me. Just still a strange period of my life. Because, I honestly felt excited about re-entering the dating world and hoping to find my true soulmate. Now, all of a sudden, I feel a little indifferent. I am sure that will change in time, but I just really don't like that feeling.

[bubble]

You sound like a very nice guy and some day some lady will be lucky to have you. But for now don't freak out about any new feelings that occur, or old feelings that do not, it's all a normal part of the grieving process. I understand you feel happy, but there are probably parts inside you that are still getting over your marriage. Just be patient.

[TheEvilJester]

Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words. :-) I suppose it could in part have at least something to do with the end of my relationship. It doesn't really feel that way, though. As I said, I am over that by now. I am happy and ready to move on. It was really this other situation that sort of brought up these new feelings (or more accurately, the sudden loss of old feelings). I am sure I will be fine in time. Just wish I could be fine AND get a chance to talk to this girl.