i need help getting over him.

[Abracadabra]

So, 2 months ago my friend and i (who i've liked for years) FINALLY started dating.we had both previously had long term relationships, and we were both still a little sore from our breakups (both our first loves) but were healed enough to go on. it was magical, a total movie moment: i finally got the dream guy, and he was the best bf i've ever had. Sweet, supportive, responsible... my mother LOVES him, and she normally hates everyone i date...
But today he pulled me aside and told me he had 'situational depression' (which is kinda BS because i suffer from an ongoing battle with depression) and just couldn't get over his ex (who treated him horribly and bossed him around constantly), that it wasn't my fault, and dumped me. I need help... i tried to be the best GF i could be:i let him do whatever he wanted, wasn't controlling at ALL, did sweet little things for him and always let him know i was 100% there for him if he needed to talk, even about his ex. i gave up a lot to be with him and i feel kinda cheated. do i have a right to be upset?

[basilandthyme]

Do you have a right to be upset? Of course you do - disappointment will make us upset.

Having said that, you started a relationship with someone who you knew was still sore from his previous breakup - and this IS a risky proposition. You took a gamble and it didn't pay off. That's life.

And as much as you want to call BS on his feelings, it doesn't stop him feeling as he does.

[smackie9]

Ya you do have a right, BUT you take a huge risk dating someone so fresh out of a relationship. It's called being a rebound. It's a way to cheat out of actually healing from the pervious relationship. The feelings of passion can fizzle out very quickly. Some even go back to the bad relationship if given the opportunity.

He can't help what's truly in his heart. When he was with you, me was in denial. I'm sure he was in contact with her and that's what made him realize it's not finished with her.

Lesson learned, don't date anyone still healing from a breakup even if he was a close friend.

[thompkevin]

Hey, you always have the right to be upset. But even he has the right to be end a relationship he thinks isn't right for him at the moment. Maybe he needs to figure his stuff out and maybe after a while he will come crawling back to you. Just don't let this ruin your happiness.

[Abracadabra]

just a little clarification: we had both been single for 6-7 months before we started dating.

[smackie9]

Yes but you said that you both were still sore from your previous relationships.....some need over a year to get it out of their system.

[bluesummer]

There's no set amount of time after a breakup in which it is expected you should be ready to move on. For some people its a few weeks, for some people it's years. Maybe YOU felt that you'd had enough enough time to move on, but he didn't. So yeah, maybe he shouldn't have hopped right into a relationship with you if he wasn't really ready, but you shouldn't feel 'cheated'. He was just making the change he felt necessary in his life, and it doesn't sound like he was a bad guy or was a dick about the breakup. Honestly some people just need to step back and get their heads in check and realize they can't be a good partner when they're feeling this way. So yeah it hurts to get dumped, but don't let it eat at you too much.

[mellymel]

yah you don't want to be a rebound that is no good. I know the feeling

[Tug]

Unfortunately the only thing thats going to help is time. You can talk to your friends, seek professional help or come here and post how you feel which can help but time is about the only thing that cures a broken heart. Im dealing with my relationship coming to an end so I know how you feel and there's times it takes everything you have just to get out of bed but you have to force yourself to do whatever it is you have to till things are right in your life.