I really like this girl but, shes in an abusive Relationship. Want her to know I care

[Hondacrx1980]

Hello, I'm new I joined because I have a big situation I need real help on,

So I'm female, I'm bisexual.
She is one of my closest friends, we've been friends since 6th grade, (we are now sophomores)
she is dating this guy who is older, and hes already got a baby with another girl.
He is emotionally and physically abusive to her, she will do anything to keep him around, literally anything he asks she will do no questions asked.
He does not care about her, he just uses her for sex, She thinks she might be pregnant with him. I hope to God she isn't it will just cause more pain for her. She cries over him, wakes up screaming. Cuts her self. I told her I don't want him to hurt her. It's killing me knowing he's hurting her this badly. She says she cant lose him. that she loves him so much yet she's had her heart broken over and over and over. She said she would date me (She is bi too) but he would leave her if she did. I would treat her right. I would never hurt her, I really care about her. I hate seeing him do this. I let her share a locker with me, I give her answers for the homework, (we have geometry together) and today she came up behind me, smacked me on my butt and it scared the crap out of me. We used to text alot till she lost her phone. She writes me and this other girl notes in class no matter what shes doing she will answer my note back as soon as I give it to her, even if the other girl gives her note back before I do. I want to tell her how I feel but I'm afraid it won't help any. I told her I didn't want him to hurt her that if she ever was interested that we could date she's like "I would but he would flip out, I don't want you to get hurt either you know?" So I have NO Idea what to do.

[Wakeup]

Stay clear of her and him because you can't fix her or make her change her mind about him. If you know he is abusive then tell her parents about and let them deal with it. If you don't want to alert her parents to the situation then you can google stuff about abusive relationships and print it off for her to read or go to your local social services and ask for some pamphlets on domestic abuse and give the to her to read.

She doesn't like you like you like her so do yourself a favour and stay away from her. This is her mess to deal with, you can't change her without her wanted to change.

[Hondacrx1980]

I'm not trying to change her. Ok is it my fault that I care what he does to her? No, But fine.

[Wakeup]

You're not getting it. You cannot make her leave him. You cannot make her change. You cannot save her or fix her. SO: stop trying and let her hit her own rock bottom. In the meantime you can be a good friend by distancing yourself from her and not enabling her BS by lending her money and hanging off of the little tidbits of attention she throws your way.

There are people who can help her (but only if she wants the help) and I've given you advise on that.

My advice: You're young, don't start your love life off on being addicted to trying to save people who don't want to be saved.

[vashti]

Girls that stick with guys like this are getting something out of it - a secondary payoff. I am pretty sure that even if she leaves him, she will find a normal relationship to be boring, and she clearly is hooked on the drama (cutting herself, possible pregnancy, etc) so you'd do best to forget about it. It won't end well for you.

[Julia51423]

I'm sorry... I don't really know what to say on this cuz I've never been in situation.

[sara83]

I'm sorry... I don't really know what to say on this cuz I've never been in situation.

me too sorry.....

[Oyemeng123]

You gotta save her from this. Convince her that she is ultimately harming herself.

[DalM0m]

You can't fix this by yourself. Talk to a favorite teacher. If you have evidence that he is physically hurting her, call the police. If she cuts or threatens to cut, tell a teacher, call the police & tell her parents so they can all work together to get her the mental help she needs to prevent her suicide.

You sound like a wonderful caring friend but don't feel like you have to help her all by yourself.

Let her stablize before you try to date her.