Should i get a divorce!?!?

[Jah.1510]

Ok so ive been with my huband for 3 years married 1 and we have a 18month old girl. We are two different people an i justdont know how i didnt see it before. We can never agree on anything fight all the time. I cant even stand kissing him or anything like that. I dont know what happened we were great before. We live where hes from and im far away from my family so i dont have anyone and i also gave up college for a bit to be with him. I kinda feel like i gave up a lot and he didnt. Also he has a good job but he so not motiated like i am and i cant stand that. I feel depressed and feel like this isnt how my life is suppose to be. This isnt what i wanted in a marriage . I want that lust and i wanted a man thats highly motivated. I also lost a lot of weight and so i feel like because of my new body and confidence im not attracted to him anymore. But i also have to think about my lil girl. Please help!!!!!

[Starnique]

If you're not happy, you should leave. You're not doing him any favors by being with him when you really don't want to be. He could be missing out on someone else that really wants to be with him or just being happy in life and so are you. You just really want to live your life now and its nothing wrong with that. I think its more selfish to stay with somebody knowing you don't really want them and making them think that you do. Its better for everybody including your daughter for you to move on if necessary. You do her want her to grow up in a happy environment right? Even if you are unsure about divorce, then seperate for now. Go ahead and see how life is without him. He could want the same thing that you want but hasn't said anything yet. Btw, I don't think your sole purpose for leaving him should be so you can "go get your groove back". It should be just about you getting your life back and then if you meet someone in the meantime then so be it but dont make your life all about a man to give you your lust back. Thats just silly. You should be trying to move on so YOU can be happy in life and therefore be a better mother in the long run.

Just have a talk with him and tell him you're not happy and you're tired of fighting with him and you're moving back home so you can work on yourself.

[basilandthyme]

If you were childless, I'd say just pack up and go. But you're not childless and I think you owe it to your daughter to give this everything you can. Yes, you may have made more sacrifices than him, but this does not warrant a divorce. It was a choice you made by your own free will and you have no right to hold it against him.

Get some marriage counselling and do your best to work through it.

Oh, and lust doesn't last. It belongs in the honeymoon stage of when you first meet a person. That's not to say that you should have zero attraction either, but after a few years the lust fades to a more balanced feeling.

[DalM0m]

You have to talk to him & you have to fight FOR your marriage. You're not in distress. He's not beating you. You are just unhappy. That's not a reason to just quit, IMO, especially after you took vows. You remember them -- for better or WORSE, in good times and BAD etc.

What are you doing to improve your social situation independently of him? I'm not saying cheat but have girlfriends, get a support system in place etc.

What are the good things about him? If you can't think of any now, what were they when you feel in love? What happened to those qualities? What can you do to rekindle the spark between you two? Have you told him how you feel? What was his reaction?

[IndiReloaded]

You have a child. Your husband sounds like a decent guy. For better or for worse would apply. Suck it up, Cupcake, and remember the vows you took. Also remember, YOU are responsible for your own happiness in life. If things about him and your relationship are bothering you, then step up and work on them.

If things become unbearable, such that there is abuse, cheating or other deal-breakers then you should consider divorce. As a last alternative. Try all else before giving up. Your child deserves nothing less. Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

Personally, I think that you two should try marriage counseling. It really sounds to me as if your problem is communication, which is something a good marriage counselor can facilitate.

I can't help but ask... you say he has a good job, but isn't "motiated", and this is a sore point for you - why? What's wrong with having a good job and being satisfied? Are you really that grasping?

[Starnique]

Before you take my initial advice. I do think it's worth counseling. I understand how you feel. Sometimes in relationships people get too comfortable and then you stop feeling appreciated and everything gets basic and routine and the spark is gone. If before you was married, you had all these dreams and goals, and now hubby has settled but you both had bigger ambitions snd that's what attracted you to him, I can see how that's an issue. If he has a job that he likes and considers a career and he's satisfied then let him be happy and focus on fulfilling your career. But if you know he has potential to do better and that was the plan then I can understand you feeling as though he's not pursuing his real dreams. I feel as if you need to communicate your true feelings to him and see if you can make it work. If not and you gave it all you had then yeah take my initial advice because at that point you want different things then he does and that's just not gonna work.

[countryrider13]

I think you've answered your own question.

[Tug]

My g/f and I always argued, I dont think we went an entire month without arguing in 5 years. We loved each other immensely but little did I know because we arguing all the time she was having her emotional needs fulfilled by her ex H. When I found out about all the phone calls and text messages I was crushed and even though she said she ceased all communication with him the trust I once had was gone. I cant tell you to get a divorce what I would suggest is seeing marriage counselor he needs to know how unhappy you are. Hopefully he'll see things need to change and do what he has to, to save the marriage. Best of luck

[Boisdevie]

If my calculations are correct this meant that the OP get pregnant after being in a relationship for approx 9 months with this guy. Which means she is seriously ****ing stupid. She doesn't need advice - she needs a ****ing brain transplant.

[searock]

If my calculations are correct this meant that the OP get pregnant after being in a relationship for approx 9 months with this guy. Which means she is seriously ****ing stupid. She doesn't need advice - she needs a ****ing brain transplant.

Wow, that was helpful.

OP, I agree with the posters above in that you should try it all before you give up. Go to marriage counseling.

[basilandthyme]

old thread

[Ana901]

I think you need more communication, both of you, speak about your feelings, your true feelings, maybe it´s just a bad moment you pass through and think that the solution is separation. Think better, from my own experience I can say sincere communication always brought me solutions in my everyday life. Good luck.