Broken Hearted & Severely Depressed

[ExL50]

Where do I begin? I am a 25 year old guy who is recently out of an 8 month relationship with a 20 year old girl. For starters I understand that she is young, but still mature for her age. Where 8 months doesn't seem like all that long, I have never felt the feeling I felt when I was with her. If I had to describe it in one word I would say it felt magical. I screwed up pretty badly in the relationship and hurt her unintentionally. It has been almost 2 months since she left me and a few things have happened since then. We have talked on and off since the breakup, mainly small talk. She had asked me to please come see her 2 weeks ago to talk about possibly getting back together. Upset over everything and being the stubborn guy that I am, I declined her offer and didn't speak to her until about 3 days ago. I texted her saying hello and we engaged in small talk, followed by a phone call. The call was going ok until she started bashing me over the things I had done wrong in the relationship. I listened to it for a while, apologized and then asked her if we could meet up for dinner one night and all she kept saying was "I don't know". At this point I lost my cool and did the unthinkable...I went on a rant and rave telling her how terrible of a person she is and said some very cruel and hurtful things to her. I also did a very immature thing and threatened that she would be attending my funeral (as a suicide scare). After this I hung up on her. Shortly after I got a text from her saying never to speak to her again. My effort to get her to care about me failed miserably and actually made her careless. Since then I have tried reaching out to her to apologize and admit to my actions being unacceptable. I have poured my heart out to her and told her how much I love and miss her through multiple texts, emails, and voicemails. She has told me that there is another man in her life who she grew up with that treats her like gold, but said they aren't dating. The last time I've heard from her was in a voicemail she left me earlier today. In a kind and sincere voice she asked me not to contact her in any way again and that she will decide if she needs to speak to me again. I have fell into chronic depression to the point where I stay in bed all day. I have lost all motivation to do anything with my life and constantly think of her and miss her. At this point I feel that I've lost her forever but can't seem to accept it. I would do anything to get her back and treat her the way she always deserved to be treated...But I feel like I have exhausted my options and that any further contact with her would be considered harassment. Does anyone have any ideas what so ever that would either A) get her back or B) somehow allow me to move on? Preferably option A. Please keep in mind that I have been in longer relationships prior to this one and none of them have inflicted this much pain and hurt upon me. She has blocked texts and incoming calls from my cell number so I am left with very little means of contacting her. I can't understand why she hates me so bad. We were always so loving toward one another. Please help. Thank you.

[DalM0m]

You can't get her back. When she asked you to call her 2 weeks ago to talk about getting back together, you had a shot but you admittedly blew it. That was your second chance. For reasons I don't understand, you even got a 3rd chance . . . the phone call. But you really blew that. You hurt her & while she was trying to clear the air, you said "very cruel and hurtful things" to her. Seriously, three strikes & you're out.

She has asked you to stop contact her. You must resepct that. Leave her alone. If you don't you could find yourself on the wrong end of a stalking claim. If you have any shred of humanity in you & if you ever truly cared about this woman, do what's she's asking & walk away.

Now how to get over her . . . .

First, acknowledge that this is a loss & you are allowed to grieve. They say it takes approximately 1/2 the length of the relationship to get over it. Just deal with your feelings, work through them & gradually let go. Eventually you will start to heal.

Second, keep busy or at least maintain your routine. Go to work/ school. Spend time with friends. Engage in your hobbies or take up a new one.

Third, make some positive changes: get a hair cut, take a class, read a book, improve your nutrition. Do something that is new that has no connection to her.

Finally, if you are truly considering taking your own life, get professional help immediately. Tell a friend or family member. Go to the emergency room. But please, please, don't kill yourself. Whatever is wrong can be fixed but you have to be alive for that to happen. If you aren't suicidal, don't ever make an empty threat like that again. It's just cruel. You can't blackmail somebody into staying with you; at best it's a short term fix. The personwill stay with you long enough for the ambulance to get there to take you to the hospital.

[mollymari]

Only you and her know the inner workings of this. Sounds like you have major regrets over things said. Yeah, major regrets.
We can say allot of cruel things in the heat of a moment but even that has its limits. Usually, when one feels so lovingly for another, threatening to take one's own life if the other doesn't come back is way over the top and I sense you know this, hence, could be why your feeling so shitty right now.
Write her a letter; and I don 't mean email or twit or face book or text I mean, hand written letter. Offer your genuine apology and tell her how you feel. Even if you don't have a mailing address, write it anyway. It will help find some form of closure and peace.

[basilandthyme]

I think that part of the way forward would involve working towards understanding *why* she hates you so bad. Thing is, if you can't understand why she hates you then you're obviously not comprehending just how awful your behaviour was.

Yes, you may have been loving towards each other once, but she's now seen your dark side. And it's a VERY dark side indeed. She's seen that if you can't get your own way, you will choose to inflict pain on her and guilt her with suicide threats. The fact that you were pushing her to meet shows that you don't understand or respect her personal timelines.

Appreciating that she has a good reason to hate you will help you get out of the no-mans land of "why?"

[ExL50]

Is it wrong that I am keeping hope alive that one day she may come around? I am going to do what she asked and not contact her, at least not for a while...And I am going to try my hardest to move on with my life. But I refuse to give up on her and on us. I have never fought for anything like this in my life and for once I think I owe that to myself.

[DalM0m]

Wrong is such a judgmental word. Keeping false hope alive is certainly not healthy for you but as long as all you do is sit on the sidelines & hope without reaching out to her, you're not hurting anybody but yourself.

When she said to stop contacting her, she meant FOREVER, not just a while. I suppose if in 5 years you bumped into each other on the street it would be OK to stop & chat but that's it. You have to leave her alone. In doing so, there is no way to rekindle your romance. Sorry.

[waltereed]

DalMom really has good advice. she nailed it. Listen to her every word.

[Tug]

Dude your not going to get any sympathy out of me and Im dealing with my relationship ending. She contacted you and you blew her off but now that shes not interested you want advice on how to get her back. One of the many things I have learned about a woman is if she breaks up with you out of anger you can usually talk her back into the relationship after she's calmed down but when they calmly tell you not to contact them anymore they're not doing it out of anger they're doing it because thats the way they actually feel. Im sorry man but she's gone, now its time for you to man up, let her go and move on with your life. I know its hard but if you keep bothering her she'll be more and more resistant to your advances. If it continues the cops will be involved and sure the hell dont want that.

[Cpl9183]

I don't think you have a chance but I will give you some advise. Let her be for a few. Let time pass and then try to contact her and by time I mean weeks or months. My husband and I went through this before we got married we separated for 4 months and didn't have contact for 2 of those months. It was hard but we both were waiting to see if time had changed anything and it didn't. If in let's say 2 months she still doesn't want to talk to you then it's over and done with. I agree with the first post that you had 2 chances and you blew them both in so many ways but there might be a chance down the road somewhere. Just wait and see.

[basilandthyme]

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