she asked me out to a club but wants to be friends

[pickler]

This girl that I have known through my sister for years but whom I never dated or actually seen in private asked me out on facebook for this Friday night to a club. Im not a clubber, maybe ill go couple times a year but that's all. anyway I was straight up with her and asked why she wants to go to a concert with me alone...like does she have any other intentionsÉ but it seems from her response that she wants to be just friends (at least according to what she said). To be honest I don't really want her as a friend, I already got enough friends and usually having a girl as a friend means doing everything for her and not getting anything back in return, emotionally or sexually...that has been at least my experience.

now my dilemma is should I reject her (really want to) or just go to the club and get it over with. Clubs are very expensive in the city and the one she wants to go to will cost each of us 40$ at least. Not sure if that's worth it to make a friend which I will probably meet once a year at max. Going to this club will cost me 40$ in a ticket, at least $20 for gas and probably make me feel like a loser. I have had made relationships before over just some coffee.

[DalM0m]

She asked you to a club probably because she thought it might be fun to spend time in that setting with you.

After evaluating all of the costs (money gas and emotional -- feeling like you won't get back in return what you put out) if you decide that you don't want to go to the club, don't go. Do not, however, say to her any of what you wrote in this post. Your reasons are valid & they are yours but on some level they make it sound as if you think she's a jerk who is trying to use you. I am not saying that you think that about her but if you tell her what you told us she could conclude that is what you think & it will hurt her feelings.

I don't see it as "rejecting her". You are simply declining an invitation not kicking her out of your life forever. When you turn down her invite, just say "Thanks but I don't feel like going to a club." No matter what else she says or asks about the subject just repeat that answer.

[pickler]

of course I wont be telling her what I said in my post, these are just my feelings. I was thinking of bringing up an excuse or something but I think your way sounds better. but would you think that there is a high chance for making her change her mind about our relationship if we spend a night together at a club? I personally don't think clubs are a good place for finding love.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You don't sound interested in being her friend or anything else. Is that just because you think she is trying to use you or because you really have no interest in her as a person? Do you like the band/group that's playing?

[pickler]

no I don't like the band or the music but I do like her, she is cute and polite. Still it would be very hard for me to be just friends with her...

[DalM0m]

of course I wont be telling her what I said in my post, these are just my feelings. I was thinking of bringing up an excuse or something but I think your way sounds better. but would you think that there is a high chance for making her change her mind about our relationship if we spend a night together at a club? I personally don't think clubs are a good place for finding love.

Do you want to have a romantic relationship with her? I wasn't getting that from your 1st post but upon further reflection, is that what you meant by not wanting her as a friend, because you want her as more & it would be too awkward to be just her friend?

If you do want to pursue something with her, when you tell her you don't want to go to the club suggest something else you can do together that same night instead. She may have her heart set on clubbing that particular night but if she like you too, she may suggest geting together to do whatever you suggested on a different night.

For example:

You: Thanks for inviting me but I just don't feel like going to the club on Friday. Do you want to go to the movies with me instead?

Her: Sure (then you know you're in) OR No, I'm really excited about going to the club but we could go to the movies on Saturday instead.

If she doesn't respond favorably to yoru alternate plan, then you know that she probably just sees you as her friend's brother.

[pickler]

yes I wouldn't mind give us a try for a relationship. but the fact that she just said she wants to be only friends when I inquired about the reason she wants to go out with me turned me away. Still I have heard of success through persistence and I thought if I was nice to her and did what she wanted, she might become attracted. This happened to me once where I took a girl to her favourite restaurant but it led to a one night stand only. I don't want another one night stand though...had enough of those. I will try your suggestion now and see what she says.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She did say it was just as friends, and I'm usually inclined to believe that when someone says it, but the circumstances are a bit different here. I still think she got defensive because of what sounded like an aggressive inquiry and you kinda put her on the spot. You also never told us exactly what she said, just that you got the idea that's what she was saying. I think you should go with her, and just try to enjoy yourself. Treat it as a date(don't pay though..it's expensive, and she's the one who invited you), and just see if she's someone you could see yourself dating. If you don't get a positive vibe from her, then don't ask her to go out again.

You could also give her a call and apologize for putting her on the spot before, then tell her you're interested in her and if it's a date, then you'd be happy to go, otherwise she can **** off. I really think you should just go and not worry so much about it though.

[Katrina4114]

If a girl asking you to go with her in a club and that's just you and she it could mean something. She won't tell you right away about her feelings. So just go with her and see how the things turn out

[pickler]

i asked her directly "are we going to this club/concert as friends?" to which she replied "you are my friend's brother and we only met couple times...i guess i consider you my friend...yes to friendship"

[smackie9]

Stop wasting your time if you are looking to get with her. She already put up the wall between you about that, so stop thinking things with change if you pretend you are enjoying yourself with what she is into that's just being lame-o.

[DalM0m]

i asked her directly "are we going to this club/concert as friends?" to which she replied "you are my friend's brother and we only met couple times...i guess i consider you my friend...yes to friendship"

She likes you but she doesn't know you well enough to admit to wanting more. She's also treading a fine line because you are her friend's brother. That's not enough of a reason to go to the club with her if you really don't like the club scene but I think you should propose another activity.

[surfhb2]

You are being a complete asshole! At this point, there's no telling what her grand intentions or plans are with you. Right now she would love to be in your company.

For a guy who likes a girl you are a total FAIL in this situation. Open your mind for fuucks sakes! Hang out and have fun.... Who knows what will happen

Jeesh!!!! ** Hand slapping forehead **