Is he into me? On line dating.

[Lilia]

Well just show interest if you have it. If you dont wana know how is he then ask something else. Just be yourself and if its not gona work then what will? Dont give a guy too much value before anything have even started. So what if hes cute? You are good looking too. Think of yourself as equal. Its realy about being who you wana be in the moment and doing what you wana do. When you hesitade to speak with people few seconds is enought for negative thoughts to kreep in your mind(these thoughts drains your energy). Dont waste a second be spontaneos and in this way you will be more sucsesful. Dont set any goals just focus on having a good time and pressure gona be off this way.

Thanks pcmaster, your post has changed my perspective on it. Now I see the situation in a more positive light. It is true I should feel equal to him cos there is nothing wrong with me at all and I should respect myself more.

[Lilia]

If you don't want to look desperate then don't have a sexual video chat with him. As soon as you do that without having even met him, you will be telling him that is your role in his life, to masturbate and nothing more with him over camera. Don't you want a decent man who will actually be in your life, take you on dates, fall in love with you eventually?

You need some councelling and a "buddy system" where you have a same sex friend that will talk you down off the ledge when you get so desperate that you'd drop trow for some ****tard you've only have one conversation with.

Wakeup, of course I want a decent man in my life and not having one hurts really bad. You are right I shouldn't make the chat sexual. I might write him a simple msg and see how it goes. If he doesn't make any moves I will cut the communication with him. But why did you call him "bastard"? He didn't act disrespectful towards me. He seemed like a nice guy.
I am planning on seeing a therapist soon...I knew that I needed it but was putting it off.

[Wakeup]

For the OP and all those reading that are naive and desperate and would do well to learn love of self BEFORE going to ANY online dating site (or a date for that matter): A man that wants to meet with you and get to know you for more then your vagina and/or the thrill of FREE cam sex wouldn't bring up anything sexual prior to an actual meet. Mild flirting is as far as he would go to test your sensibilities and whether or not you're the type that would drop trow over cam without any effort. If he doesn't reach out to you again, then he isn't interested in anything serious. If he does reach out to you again, be aware of what he is trying to lead you to. Is it free thrills or is it towards a nice meet/date where he can get to know you for who you are?

Last time I asked a sexual question and he suggested having a video chat right away. May be it has to be something sexual again. But I don't want to look desperate.

Why would you ask him a sexual question when that was your very first chat? What made you think that doing that would endear him to you for more then a sex cam session?

If you find men who don't bring up sex right away boring, then you're really not wanting an actual relationship or a man to love... you're just looking for attention and filler.

some erotic classical literature like Maupassant. And of course you can hardly call his stories erotic from the modern point of view....The guy seemed to be the intellectual type so I kinda wanted to show that I was not stupid either..

This is called Mirroring. Do you do this with every man you find attractive?

[bluenote99]

Thanks pcmaster, your post has changed my perspective on it. Now I see the situation in a more positive light. It is true I should feel equal to him cos there is nothing wrong with me at all and I should respect myself more.

now you're getting there, build that self esteem up and realise that any guy you decide to give your attention should feel lucky that you're doing so, instead of feeling like you have to do all the chasing and worrying

[Lilia]

This is called Mirroring. Do you do this with every man you find attractive?

Is it a bad thing to do? I was still being myself and I really do like that writer. I wouldn't make up things about myself just to get him to like me.

[Lilia]

Why would you ask him a sexual question when that was your very first chat? What made you think that doing that would endear him to you for more then a sex cam session?
If you find men who don't bring up sex right away boring, then you're really not wanting an actual relationship or a man to love... you're just looking for attention and filler.

But it wasn't a sex cam session. He didn't openly suggest it. He kept asking different questions. And I think I was rambling too much, telling him stories with too many details. I was acting like if he was a close friend. But he really wasn't...may be that was my mistake. I told him about my dog, how my dog broke his legs, how I was calling the vet, ets, ets and that was within first few minutes of our video-chat. I rambled like for 10 minutes about my dog. I had no control over my mouth.(( He might have thought I was crazy or weird.

[Wakeup]

I didn't say it was a sex cam session. I asked you why you would ask a sex question on your first conversation with him. How did you think that would endear yourself to him?

[Wakeup]

Is it a bad thing to do? I was still being myself and I really do like that writer. I wouldn't make up things about myself just to get him to like me.

Would you not mention that writer you liked if the dude seemed like a rockin roller who hadn't read a book in years?

[Lilia]

I didn't say it was a sex cam session. I asked you why you would ask a sex question on your first conversation with him. How did you think that would endear yourself to him?

I thought he wasn't interested in me and I thought that might get me his attention. I thought he might want to chat with me after that. And I thought I would enjoy a sexual chat too. When he suggested having a video chat I was too naive to realize that he might have wanted something more than what we had. But he should have been more direct about it then... It shows again that he is such a nice guy.

[Lilia]

Would you not mention that writer you liked if the dude seemed like a rockin roller who hadn't read a book in years?

He told me that he likes Dostoevsky and other russian classical writers... Previously he had told me that he went to an opera with his friends.
But I also remember he started the video chat by mentioning the series "Californication". I said I liked it and then we talked about the actors from the series.
Oh you mean if he had seemed like someone who doesn't care about book, would have I not mentioned the book I liked? Of course I would have not!

[bluenote99]

maybe your next chat should be more directed at finding if you've other things in common if you share the same interests,hobbies,find the same things amusing think of it like this if you were out on a real date for the first time with someone wouldn't you possibly be a little concerned if sex came up straight away, seems to me you want a guy to like you for more than just sex and in truth although the physical side is important a relationship needs a lot more than that

[Wakeup]

I asked this:

Originally Posted by Wakeup
Would you not mention that writer you liked if the dude seemed like a rockin roller who hadn't read a book in years?

and you answered with this:

He told me that he likes Dostoevsky and other russian classical writers... Previously he had told me that he went to an opera with his friends.

another non-answer to the question asked.

Anyway, good luck. Stop waiting around for him and since you're not interested in learning to curb your need for instant gratification by first working on you, then I suggest you set your sights on somone else and stop penning all your energy on cam-man.

[Lilia]

another non-answer to the question asked.

Anyway, good luck. Stop waiting aroung for him and since you're not interested in learning to curb your need for instant gratification by first working on you, then I suggest you set your sights on somone else and stop penning all your energy on cam-man.

Oh you mean if he had seemed like someone who doesn't care about books, would have I not mentioned the book I liked? Of course I would have not mentioned it!
Sorry English is not my first language, that's why I have some trouble understanding it sometimes. I misunderstood your question.)

[Wakeup]

Oh you mean if he had seemed like someone who doesn't care about books, would have I not mentioned the book I liked? Of course I would have not mentioned it!
Sorry English is not my first language, that's why I have some trouble understanding it sometimes. I misunderstood your question.)

Then you are definately mirroring. You need to be yourself instead of trying to be who you think they would like. That is how you find people who are actually compatible with you.

[Lilia]

Wakeup, oh I got what you mean... it is like I care about another person more than about myself.