Is being up front for the best? Or do I let things play out?

[lalalita]

I'm feeling a current sense of urgency, and I don't know whether to act on it or not.

Some back story -

I've been seeing a new man for about 2 months. It's been intense. He's an intense man. He's the first man to ever take me out on actual dates. We don't get to see each other much, due to his current training program. We are in contact every day. He's not a big texter. After another nice date on Friday, I spent the night. We had sex. (We have had sex one time before) It was very passionate. He's told me he loves me via text, but never in person...so I don't put much faith in that. We talk about how we're both looking to get married and have children. He's always making comments on how he wants to "keep me forever" and how happy I make him and how he's never done these things for a woman.

Now, after he dropped me off very early Saturday morning, he asked me if I could call and wake him up later in the day. I did so. I text him a few hours later saying I had a great time with him, he replied "me too baby". Lots of hours went by, and I was honestly surprised I hadn't heard from him. He's not texting me constantly ever, but he does usually reach out or call me. I started to freak out by this point, honestly. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I started feeling like "oh so I spend the night and now you go silent".

I text him around 10, we talked very briefly. He text me this morning saying "Sorry, fell asleep" and that has been it.

I'm starting to feel like something isn't right. I don't know if I'm just making something out of nothing. I'm worried that I was a conquest, and now that I'm coming around and getting more comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with him, the thrill has worn off.

Do I just initiate a conversation with him about this? Shoot him a text and saying "I'm starting to feel a type of way, and I don't like it."? We have agreed to talk things out if problems arise. Or do I just let it go and see if he starts reaching out? I honestly want to know if we're heading towards being exclusive or if I'm free to date other people.

On the phone the other day he said "I know we're not official. There aren't any titles or anything. But it feels like we are. I'm not talking to other girls or anything." He's also expressed jealousy and what he expects when in a relationship.

I'm seriously confused and I don't like it. I don't know what to say to him or where to even begin. I feel like a 16 year old again.

D:

[Boisdevie]

I'd be worried - sounds like it's going way way too fast. Slow down.

[smackie9]

If it doesn't feel right then it's not. It's been two months now and most people DO know where they are at in their relationship. Also he isn't fulfilling your expectations when it comes to communication which is sending you warning bells. He says one thing, but his actions don't match, you have every right to question this. It's up to you to tell him what you expect and how you feel.....if he can't fill the bill then walk.

[DalM0m]

You can bring up whether you are exclusive. FWIW, it's a conversation I recommend having BEFORE you have sex. Don't come across as clingy because that will send him running. Just pose it as wanting / needing information. Sound confident when you broach the subject

[lalalita]

I did reach out and asked if he was against me seeing other people or if we were exclusive. He started going on about feeling rushed and "didn't we say we're taking it slow". He was the one going on about baby making and getting hitched...and now he's taking it slow?? I said just that, and he said I'm taking it the wrong way. I asked if he wants me to back off and give him space, he says no..."just don't rush it".

I'm ****ing lost guys.

Now all I feel like doing is backing off...

[DalM0m]

I would back off b/c this sounds like a classic romantic "bait & switch". The guy talks all this stuff about babies & marriage & future, then after you have sex but before you have a commitment he throws the whole "let's go slow" in your face. News flash by definition, "taking in slow" precludes sex, at least in my book.

This guy isn't interesting in an exclusive commited relationship. If you want one, move on. If you are OK with a NSA/FWB arrangement, stay & have fun. For your own sanity, don't think you are going to be OK with option #2 b/c eventually you will get him to come around & love you. It won't happen.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds to me like you have the green light to see other people. I suggest you do just that.

[Wakeup]

I'm starting to feel like something isn't right. I don't know if I'm just making something out of nothing. I'm worried that I was a conquest, and now that I'm coming around and getting more comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with him, the thrill has worn off.

Do I just initiate a conversation with him about this?

IMO.. you should have had that conversation before you left each other's company after spending the night together. If you didn't get the answer you want, then that would be your time to tell him that you'll not be seeing him anymore.

I still do not understand why so many woman put their emotional health in the hands of men who haven't shown them that they are willing to handle it.

I would back off b/c this sounds like a classic romantic "bait & switch". The guy talks all this stuff about babies & marriage & future, then after you have sex but before you have a commitment he throws the whole "let's go slow" in your face. News flash by definition, "taking in slow" precludes sex, at least in my book.

Well, if you (the general you) want sex within a committed relationship, then you shouldn't have sex until you talk about being exclusive with one another. Even then, you shouldn't have expectations that getting to know this guy is going to lead to anything long lasting.

Sex is not love and it often does not lead to love for many men. Unfortunately, women are different and too many of us tie our emotions and worth to sexual experience.

BTW: Going on about baby making and marriage doesn't mean he wants you to be his wife and the mother of his children, it just means that eventually, when he meets the right woman, he's up for it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He's been very evasive. He wants things to stay exactly as they are.

[Wakeup]

^^^ Seems so, yes.

Knowing what you want and not accepting something lesser than that is the key to actually getting what you want.

Lallita: What do you mean he's the only man that has ever taken you out on a date? What did you settle for from the other men who have been in your life?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like she's used to being a groupie that gets passed around.

[Hightower]

I will point out by far the biggest flaw you are making with this guy. You are texting him. 15 year olds text someone they "like". Adults don't. Adults talk to them on the phone at the very least. Texting is impersonal and if you really like this guy, and if he really likes you, he'll pick up the phone he has in his hand in order to hear your voice. That's a guy who is interested in you.

[DalM0m]

He's been very evasive. He wants things to stay exactly as they are.

Of course he does. It's great for him. Why would he want to change that?

[HeartIsAching]

Is this the same guy you admitted didn't have time for you in your other thread?

[Wakeup]

^^^ Good question. If it is, then you have to start listening to your gut more and stop ignoring red flags.