horrible break up

[bluenote99]

so i've been seeing a younger woman for the past 2 years we've had some great times and some rough times i can honestly say that thanks to her i've had some of the happiest times of my life but it all started to unravel a month ago when i discovered as an answer to her money worries she'd created a profile on an escorting website,hit me like a sledgehammer i should have walked away immediately but love her too much and couldn't instead i've had to cope with a month of lying,arguments,paranoia (on my part) and its all come to an end anyway,feel like shes a completely different girl to the one i fell for but i still miss her like crazy and the thought of never seeing her again is crucifying me and giving me weird panicky feelings,all break ups are horrible i know but the additional pain of knowing shes sleeping with several strange men a day is something i'm finding very painful

[Valixy]

She destroyed your love relationship. There's no turning back for you if you want to preserve your sanity. Even if you two went back, things would never be like they used to be, the trust is gone forever and the way you used to feel when you were together does not exist anymore. You wouldn't be happy together anymore, you would torture each other instead. There is nothing else you can do than distancing yourself, taking time to heal and leave behind someone who felt so little compared to what you felt, that she sold herself and the love you shared for money. People take a second job, work on weekends, go back to school but preserve their self respect and the person they love, if they have some basic values and really know what love means.

[dolomite68]

It is the betrayal that gets to you...it did when my first long term relationship broke up due to her having an affair....if people aren't happy with the situation they should say rather than going behind their partners back...who they supposed to care for....

[bluenote99]

thankyou i'm hurting like hell as you can imagine,would've laid down my life for this girl and the thought of her with other men who can't possibly respect her is not a nice one to say the least

[dolomite68]

It is the most horrible feeling and right now I bet you feel at the moment how on earth can you move on.....but you will....the downside is it takes time....it will happen...

[bluenote99]

i know,wish i could fast forward a year or so in order that i could look back and smile at some of the happy memories without feeling this horrible ache the panicky feelings i'm getting are very much related to not knowing if at any given moment shes got a customer there in her bed and associated feelings of worry that she'll get hurt by someone dangerous,at the very least its going to damage her emotionally and she was a troubled girl to begin with due to childhood issues

[dolomite68]

Had that feeling too just wish you could jump ahead quickly to see what will happen....it is difficult to accept that you are no longer part of her life and you don't know what is happening as you used to do...you obviously care about this girl very deeply...but you have to remember it is her choice to take this path and as hard as it is things are out of your control....it doesn't make it any easier though

[bluenote99]

you're very perceptive when we first met the overwhelming feeling i got was of wanting to cherish this girl,look after her and try my best to make up for the bad times shes been through,now i no longer can and shes entering another very negative phase of her life,its very hard to take

[dolomite68]

My second relationship was very much the same...I felt I wanted to put right what had happened to her in the past and make the future the best I could for her....and now you can see her taking a path that perhaps will not be the best for her...it is very very hard to let go...it took me 12 months to get to a point where I accepted the situation....the point being it will happen although right now at the height of your pain it seems impossible....I found the best thing to do is try and focus on something else...I know this is easier said than done and your concentration levels will be low...but it does work...I bought myself an old car and took it to bits...you can't beat hitting something with a big hammer relives a lot of frustrations....

[bluenote99]

thankyou,made me smile which is no mean feat at the moment,as you said hard to concentrate but am spending lots of time at the gym,throwing myself into work and as soon as my broken ps3 is replaced i suspect some heavy duty gaming is on the cards

[dolomite68]

It's good to get lost in something else and at least for a while it will take your mind off things...all the best...it will work out...things happen for a reason

[smackie9]

You are going through shock and grief....like losing a loved one, you are grieving the loss of a relationship, and the dirty secret that came out is just a kick in the balls. It's deviating for sure, especially that you had no idea that she would be like that. The waves of pain will slow and dissipate over the next month, then turn into anger, then relief like a weigh lift off your shoulders as you move on from it. As they say, don't sit idle or you will keep reliving the hell, so keep yourself and your mind busy is all you can really do. So sorry for your loss.

[bluenote99]

thanks for your kind words and a kick in the nuts it certainly was,as you say grieving at the min and very worried for her because despite it all the betrayal,the lying etc i still love her and still care deeply

[bluenote99]

update i may be crazy for this but shes been on the phone crying for me to give her another chance to see if i can cope with her escorting on a limited basis,don't know if i'll be able to cope with it but still crazy about her so may have to give it a try,lovestruck idiot i know.........

[dolomite68]

I understand in your current state of mind it is very tempting to agree to what she is asking...and I'm not saying you shouldn't I would just take a little bit of time to think about it let the initial emotion calm a bit....be careful you don't want to be back in the same situation in a few weeks...a couple of days to think about it won't harm....good luck with your decision