Need advice

[Scotty31]

Recently found out that my girl of 2 1/2 years has been writing to a felon whom she met through a prison pen pals web site. I found some of the letters and she told this man, among other things, that she loves him and cannot wait to meet him. I was absolutely floored. Shocked, saddened and angry all at the same time.

I didn't confront her right away. In the mean time, I went through her phone and found several texts from one of her ex's going back to the beginning of the year. When he came to town (he is in the military) he would invite her out for drinks. She would meet him and several hours later he would send her an explicit text. The most recent of which was, "I will be dreaming of your sweet ass all night."

When I finally confronted her, she told me that the pen pal is just a friend, and that the ex likes o tease her but they haven't had sex in over 3 years. She accused me of being insecure and paranoid. And told me that she wanted to end it.

We've been in touch sporadically. It's been about 5 weeks. She came over a few times and spent the night. On one of these occasions we had a horrible fight and I said some mean things to her. She pulled back after that but we are still talking. She thinks I am an angry person and that I am not treating her right, but doesn't seem to have any empathy for my feelings or understand that my anger stems from her behavior.

I don't know what to do. I feel I am being played. She must feel something for me if we are still talking but why the games? And do any of you feel that what she did is forgiveable?

[RipVanWinkleX]

Maybe you should take a break from her? Agree to take a mouth break from each other or something. You admit that you said some mean things to her. She she is right that you are not treating her right. It's hard to talk to someone angry so I understand, just need to control that anger and try to talk it out without it taking over.

[bluenote99]

this girl is playing with your feelings and turning the situation round so that you think its your fault which it certainly isn't,you need to take a break and stop contact for a while at the least,she sounds like she has issues

[Scotty31]

Yeah. She recently told me, in an email, that she is trying to get over this and that talking about it just makes that harder for her. I heard today from mutual friends that she has been hanging out with a new guy since before we officially broke up. I'm not even upset this time - just mad at her.

[DalM0m]

I hate to tell you this but you are being played. This girl has a few guys dancing on a string: you, her EX & the felon. If for no other reason, her lack of judgment as shown by telling a felon she does not know that she loves him, makes her a poor candidate for a lifetime commitment.

[Scotty31]

I am starting to think that this woman is a sociopath. She doesn't have any apparent regard for how her actions effect other people, and I think that she is honestly confused about why I am angry with her. She actually had the nerve to tell me the other day that she was a "loving and caring girlfriend" because she cooked for me and did my laundry. Ha! I mentioned the text messages and letters and her explanation was that I went snooping in places I shouldn't have and saw things that I did not want to see. Can you believe that??

[DalM0m]

Yea, blame the "victim" is a common strategy. Since you are starting to see these things, I think you are on your way to healing. Congrats.

[VincenzoG91]

Scotty, don't spend too much time analyzing her. She sounds like she is headed for trouble and you are better off without her. Move on.

[Starnique]

Scotty, don't be her fool . Who cares what she says? You seen the evidence yourself . How can she explain saying i love you and then meeting up with her ex? Then she tried to turn it around on you? That's an insult to your intelligence and also because she thinks your dumb enough to believe her bullshit. I don't think she wants a relationship with you or care about saving it to be honest. Why? Because she's still lying about it, has convinced herself and you she wasn't wrong, believes her own lies all while thinking you're dumb enough to believe it too. With that being said, she is going to keep doing what she wants to do. Accept the truth for what it is. I know you're hurt but cut off all contact so you can move on and you'll see it gets easier everyday. Scotty, she's a slutacious attention whore that don't love you the way you deserve and cares nothing about your feelings. You deserve better. Move on.

[Orsba]

you know what to do....

[hkh8871]

id dump her....shes playing with your head

[sara12345]

I'm so sorry. That's not right. But she isn't worth your time. If you have a hard time getting over her, just remember how badly she treated you.

[mollymari]

Recently found out that my girl of 2 1/2 years has been writing to a felon whom she met through a prison pen pals web site. I found some of the letters and she told this man, among other things, that she loves him and cannot wait to meet him. I was absolutely floored. Shocked, saddened and angry all at the same time.

I didn't confront her right away. In the mean time, I went through her phone and found several texts from one of her ex's going back to the beginning of the year. When he came to town (he is in the military) he would invite her out for drinks. She would meet him and several hours later he would send her an explicit text. The most recent of which was, "I will be dreaming of your sweet ass all night."

When I finally confronted her, she told me that the pen pal is just a friend, and that the ex likes o tease her but they haven't had sex in over 3 years. She accused me of being insecure and paranoid. And told me that she wanted to end it.

We've been in touch sporadically. It's been about 5 weeks. She came over a few times and spent the night. On one of these occasions we had a horrible fight and I said some mean things to her. She pulled back after that but we are still talking. She thinks I am an angry person and that I am not treating her right, but doesn't seem to have any empathy for my feelings or understand that my anger stems from her behavior.

I don't know what to do. I feel I am being played. She must feel something for me if we are still talking but why the games? And do any of you feel that what she did is forgiveable?

Not cool one bit. REverse the situation and ask yourself, 'hey, if this was me doing this while with someone, is my heart in it completely or what?'. Nope.
How shitty indeed to find this out. I would be floored, crushed and devastated if I realized my partner was sharing hoochy koochie messages with another that wasn't me. My whole self worth would be out the window and all the good times put into question.

Your sense of being played is justified.
Sure, sure, could be she needed some attention but if she hasn't talked to you about this need and then just acted out on it by opening doors to others, well, gee, ouch. and shitty.

Sometimes a person will venture out when the home fires aren't burning that well; but in my humble opinion when two people truly care for one another, if this happens, they talk about it and try to stoke the fire or get more wood; they don't go looking elsewhere while attempting to maintain what's at home. That's just a low blow. These things take work, effort, even to the most heart felt of couples, fires need to be stoked.
If she started writing someone for added attentions and also continued texting her ex stealth mode, I think you already have your answer. Some brute truths here.

Did she ever mention to you her want/need of some added attentions? If she had, and none came, she may be doing what she can to add her own self worth.
But if she hadn't spoken to you of this and then proceeded to venture on out via letters, texts, well, it is a form of getting attentions from another mans heart and though the physical contact may not have been, the emotional contact was and I don't care how open minded a person is, that, still hurts. and you have every right to be concerned and to be feeling in a way, cheated on .
Perhaps you need to ask her why she would risk the two of you over something like this. If she needed added spice, why on Earth didn't she just talk to you about it rather than emotionally cheating on you?
good luck.