Questions For Guys Re: Poor Body Image (PCOS condition)

[GirlAnon]

Growing up I’ve had numerous body image issues that have done nothing but hold me back in life. Even now as an adult I’ve yet to be intimate with a guy out of fear of what he’d think about seeing my body. I’m outlining a few of my concerns below and would like to get feedback on if my worries are really justified.

I have PCOS which causes hirsutism, which in a nut shell, is excess hair growth. It disgusts me, but I have hairier than normal areas of my body (legs, arms, butt, belly, etc) which I either have to shave or wax. If I skip a day of shaving my legs they start to feel prickly. As if that’s not bad enough, PCOS also makes it very difficult to have children. I absolutely hate that I have this condition, but at the end of the day I did not ask for it and I don’t feel it should prevent me feeling or experiencing love. I just don’t know what guy in his right mind would want to love a girl with this condition.

Another wonderful symptom of PCOS is obesity. I recently lost 50lbs and still have more to go. My breasts went from 46DDD to 44C and are very saggy. What do you guys think about saggy breasts? I’m sure firm, perky breasts are preferred, but would you not date a girl or would you get turned off by a girl with saggy breasts?

As for my obesity, I have been working very hard to lose weight, but it’s coming off slowly (another symptom of PCOS is difficulty in losing weight). I was a size 26 jeans, but now am a size 16. I still weigh 200lb. It’s taken almost a year to get here, but I’m not stopping until I’m at least 150lb. At that point I’m going to reassess my goal and will continue to lose more if I feel I need to.

I hope I don’t sound too pathetic, but I’m sure I do. It’s just so discouraging seeing all these beautiful girls on magazine covers and in movies, etc. Knowing that I’ll never have such beauty is painful, but I truly want to experience love at some point in my life. I just don’t know if I’m fighting a losing battle.

[dickriculous]

First of all give yourself some credit, losing 50 lbs is no joke. You may not be where you want to be but your progress is not something to take for granted by any means. As someone who was the same height that I am now as a teenager (6 ft tall) and weighed less than 130 lbs back then I know ALL about poor body image and one thing the journey to change my body has taught me is that progress = victory and in that sense you're winning in a big way, keep it up. It sucks that you don't have the best genetics to sculpt your body, again that's an area I am all too familiar with. Everyone on my dad's side of the family has ethiopian genetics (skinny arms, skinny legs, pot belly even if your bodyfat isn't all that high). Additionally my metabolism was bat-shit insane through most of my journey. It's better now but I remember for about my first 5-6 years of doing this I would eat until I was seconds away from puking, keep myself at that level of satiety at all hours of the day, lift as heavy as I could without breaking form, and if I did puke I would replace it with more food and I was gaining like a pound every other month. Progress came SLOW no matter what I did, but I stuck with it and now that I've been at it for 10 years I'm seeing the rewards in a way I never would have otherwise. I'm not quite where I want to be yet either but I am grateful for all of the progress I have made and I am loving every minute of the journey. I also understand that as much effort as it took to get THIS far it will take that much more to go to the next level, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I may be coming from the opposite end of the spectrum as you but make no mistake about it, my INTERNAL struggles are the same. Attaining this goal has had me constantly at war with my vices and that's a battle that I can't afford to lose. Fine by me. I want the intense internal struggles, I want the adversity that it brings, I want obstacles to crush beneath my feet. That's the type of person this journey has turned me into (goddamn does posting this have me motivated!! I can't wait to do today's sprint workout)

As for the hair, I honestly don't know what to tell you other than wax/shave frequently if it bothers you that much. A lot of male wrestlers and mma fighters do this to make their limbs harder for their opponents to grip and a lot of male bodybuilders do this to expose and accentuate their musculature to it's fullest so it's not like putting more effort than your average woman into keeping your body hairless is some kind of anomaly.

For what it's worth, I personally don't mind a little bit of hair around the pussy as long as it's maintained, in fact I would say it's making somewhat of a comeback these days.

I hope I don’t sound too pathetic, but I’m sure I do. It’s just so discouraging seeing all these beautiful girls on magazine covers and in movies, etc. Knowing that I’ll never have such beauty is painful, but I truly want to experience love at some point in my life. I just don’t know if I’m fighting a losing battle.

I know I'll never be ballin like professional athletes, musicians, and actors. Didn't stop me from finding a gf that I'm too crazy about for my own good. I'm not worried about having their status, I'm worried about living my life on my terms and being the best I can be. This is what made me attractive to my gf, even if I can't compete with Kanye West when it comes to pimpin hoes any more than you can compete with Mila Kunis in raw physical beauty.


And finally, are you doing anything to try and mitigate the androgenic effects of PCOS? I found this online http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html#a there's some information on possible treatments.

I know these measures are not ideal but if they can provide any relief of the androgenic side effects of your condition then it might be worth it to try them out. I don't really trust these types of pharmaceuticals in most situations tbh but if what I read in that link is accurate then you're facing real health risks here that have the potential to affect more than just your self esteem (not to downplay that aspect of your condition of course) and you're going to need medical attention.

[GirlAnon]

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I completely understand that you’re on the opposite side of the spectrum, but still have issues. I get that we’re all different and we all have “our demons”.

While I know I still have a long way to go, I do take great pride in what I’ve accomplished so far. I know that losing 50lb is no small feat, but at the same time I don’t think I’ll ever really be comfortable in my own skin which is not good. I’m sure that’s really going to hamper my chances of having a long, healthy relationship.

Also, thanks for the link. I’m a researchaholic and have read tons about PCOS. I am getting medical help for my condition, but there is no cure. It is what it is and I have to find a way to deal with it sadly.

[bluenote99]

as dickriculous said its not just girls who struggle with body image these days its definitely guys too, we all have media images we strive to live up to, also i think its a bit of a misconception that guys will only go for skinny model types i've dated plenty of curvier girls in my time i even married one! the main thing is you're working hard at improving your self image and i hope you get where you want to be and meet someone who values you for who you are

[GirlAnon]

Oh, trust me I’m well aware that everyone has their own set of issues. Whether you’re a guy, a girl, tall, short, fat, skinny, etc. It doesn’t matter. We all have areas that are problem areas.

The thing is, where I’m from anyway, it’s MUCH, MUCH more acceptable for girls to date guys who many would view as a step or two down than it is for guys to date girls who many would view as a step or two down. I mean even on tv, which I know is NOT real life and probably shouldn’t compare, you have these odd couples where the wife is hot and the husband isn’t (King of Queens Doug and Carrie, George Lopez and Angie, just as a couple of examples). It just seems to me that girls are always held up to look certain ways in order to be called attractive. It just sucks.

Again, I know we all have issues and tv is not real life, but it’s hard to shake what society has labeled as beautiful especially when you’re so far from it. I mean would you really want to date a girl who was overweight and hairy? I may be able to somewhat correct the overweight issue, but as a result I’m going to have mega stretch marks, saggy breasts, and unless I can afford laser treatment I’m going to be a slave to the hair issue. How would you feel if you were being intimate with a girl and saw all of these things? Would you honestly be ok with it? That’s what I’m really asking. I want an honest opinion from guys on if my body type eliminate me from being a potential gf to you.

[bluenote99]

ok well honestly as i've said i've been out with curvier girls and indeed did marry one this maybe just me personally but a pretty face has always counted far more to me than a hot body as it happens at the min my partner has both but its her face that attracted me, the hair issue is a different thing and yes admittedly it would bother me a little but from what you've said you shave/wax very regularly and while this may be a pain in the ass as a daily routine it obviously makes you feel a bit better, i agree that media stereotypes are very unrealistic and hard for most of us to live up to but would argue that any given guy or girl is attracted to what they're attracted as programmed by nature not by whats on the cover of vogue that month, stay positive and keep working on it :-)

[Silent Siren]

Regarding the standards we feel we have to live up to in the media, this is an interesting video about why those standards SEEM so ridiculously high:

http://www.upworthy.com/see-why-we-have-an-absolutely-ridiculous-standard-of-beauty-in-just-37-seconds?g=2

[smackie9]

When you get older this will not bother you as much....the mind tends to look at things in a differnt perspective, like body image, they become a lesser worry.

How you feel is what is motivating you so keep going! There is surgery for fixing your breasts, and anything else, but worry about that later.....just remember your health will improve, and so will life. Congratz on your sucess so far.

[pcmaster]

Have to see pics before I can judge you. Anyway do you have hair on your breasts too?

In teenage years I used to laught at these girls with hair under their nose. I had no respect at all for these girls with light moustages. Now I feel sorry for them. Use wax !

I suggest you lose weight by eating a lot of balanced food. Its good to drop weight slowly cause you will stay more curvy at the end. Also reducing fat in diet will help with hormonal balance.

And those models on covers have healty mindset. They have same problems as everyone but they solve them before it causes trouble. Thats why they look so good.

Be positive, confident, speak loud and you will stand out even more than most girls. You become what you think. When you believe in yourself you are forcing others to believe in you.

You can be loved just say something and let people see the beauty thats inside.

[Simpo]

If you can talk to the person and discuss it and see how the feel then do it. I know it may sound a bit corny but if someone truly loves you then it won't matter that you have a bit extra hair on your body. I suffer from psoriasis and have small red rashes over certain parts of my body (no where intimate fortunately) mainly on my thighs, side of my stomach and on my arms. My ex was always assuring me that it meant nothing to her since she loved me for who I was and a little red skin is nothing. And the current girl I am fwb with (fwb but with a lot of feelings but know we cant be together so a bit complicated ) says she doesn't care about my skin since she knows I am an amazing person and really cares about me and not to worry about it since it doesn't affect how she see's me.

People who judge you on your looks aren't worthy of your time, look for the people who want to get to know you and not your body, that comes later. Can't remember the quote i seen lately but basically look for someone you would love to spend time with once your old once all the sex and appearance has been lost (by appearance I mean saggy parts such as boobs, ass etc being affected by age) the actual quote makes a lot more sense but can't find it