Why always me.. Broken hearted.. sensitive subject

[loverman1]

I promised I would not use this forum again, Im sad I've got my heart broken again. But I'll try to be as honest with myself i writing this.

I've worked with a friend and we would always share break times together, 2 - 3 times a day. This period has lasted for about a year and a half. I always thought she was beautiful, I always liked her without really stressing over it, everything just grew overtime, she always liked me I think too. One day she told me about her partner, that he doesn't wake up with her and help with getting the kids ready, (the kids are not his) he doesn't make her coffee, doesn't do anything for her.

So I decided to write her a letter and offer myself to her, offer my love and give it a chance, my letter was 4 pages and she accepted me. She didn't leave her partner, (its a major step I suppose). But we started to see each other, started to watch movies together, and go out. last month we went on holiday together to Riga and had a wonderful time. She seemed never sure about being with me because of her two children, she doesn't want just a relationship for 2 years, she wants a dad for her children and wants a partner for life. So its not easy to trust me, but I have said that I want to be a dad to her children, something her partner of 3 years would not say to her, her partner looked at her children as friends.

As recently as two weeks ago, she wanted to tell her partner about me. She was very scared but one day but she did. It went very badly however and her partner calls me on the phone the same night, and asks me to meet up. There were all three of us in the car, and we had a discussion, she told me to lie to him so I did, we both ended up stating we were just friends. She didn't tell him she wanted to leave him, maybe she wasn't ready.

The next day she told me that the partner had given her a choice of him or me, like a day to think about everything. We decided that I would wait for her because she was scared to leave him at this point. But after this day everything has changed, the partner has started to change his ways, he's decided to pull his weight, and he asked her children if they would like him as a dad. He's proven himself over a week, and week where I could not meet with her or really talk, because he was on holiday.

A week ago her partner must of found something in her mums bedroom, maybe a photo or something about me. That night she left work crying, and the next day she did not show up for work at all. On this day she told her partner more about me, not everything but more. The very next morning, she comes to my table and gives back the gifts I gave her for her Birthday, and my mums ring I gave to her. I felt I had to prove myself to her so I gave her a ring to show my intentions.

We met up a week ago, and she doesn't want to be with me now, she wants to lose me. She said she doesn't care for me, but also said She tried to make me hate her, (her way of dealing with it I guess) I ended up begging her not to loose everything with me. Now at work she looks very upset, maybe guilty or ashamed, or maybe about losing me. She didn't come and sit with me now, but I went to sitt with her twice last week and I just kept the conversation small. I haven't text her or begged her.

I am very very heart broken, she knows I love her, she doesn't love me I don't think but I'm sure she really cares. When I gave her my letter she told me it was like a dream. We have talked about the future of living together and buying a house together ect, she told her mum once that to end up with me would be wonderful. She has told me many times how wonderful I am, and that I can offer her more for her family. She never told me she was happy with me, maybe she wasn't... but she described me as an Angel, and she was excited to take me on Holiday, and so emotional coming home.

I want to go to her, I really do. I'm scared to leave her alone because her decision feels like a mistake. Im not sure her partner will really make her happy, her friends told me he won't. But he also wont let her go, he said he would never let her go.

I understand if she's just not into me, I can accept that. But this feels very wrong.. I am not scared of the pain I am going to feel, Im scared to lose her and scared she has made a terrible mistake. My plan is just to continue to sit with her and see what happens, but please give any advice on what to say ect. Im willing to wait along time, I would do it for her.. should I tell her that

I don't want false hope, just advice. Forget what's best for me in terms of feeling pain.

[DalM0m]

AAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH.

Do not write people letters before you are in a committed relationship. The Victorian Era is over & letter writers always end up with their hearts broken. I am so sorry you are in pain but please remember this for the future .

The second thing -- if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. Stay away from people who are already in relationships.

She wants her cake & to eat it too. If you are happy being a second thought in her life, stay where you are. When you get sick of being a doormat, stand up for yourself, walk away from her and find somebody who loves you. If her current partner leaves her, now that the partner has discovered her cheating, you realize that she didn't pick you; she ended up with you by default which should make you upset that you were her fall back.

[loverman1]

She 's very kind and lovely. I just want her to be loved, and happy.

Do I have a chance, ? what percentage of a chance do I have ? Its very selfish to ask if I have a chance but I miss her greatly.

[DalM0m]

I don't know if you have a chance with her but I do know if you end up getting her back this time, you will be on here in a few months asking why she cheated on you. You are being given the opportunity to dodge a bullet here. She's going to hurt you more in the future. She is not kind & lovely. She's playing with your heart & the feelings of her partner.

[loverman1]

Its because she wasn't happy with him before. Its hard to just leave him because of her children.. she's a good girl really, just not perfect. Thank you for your resonse Dalmom

[bluenote99]

oh man that sounds like a horrible situation feel for you, firstly its not always you people are getting their hearts broken every second of every day, its just part of the human condition, secondly dalmoms right in so far as when you get interested in someone whos already taken its always gonna be a bumpy ride and thats regardless of whether you're the one who gets chosen in the end, maybe its cruel to give you hope because i'm not close enough to the situation to say for sure but if shes truly unhappy with the guy shes with then you never know she could bounce back your way, the decision you'd then have to make is whether shes worth the risk of getting burned all over again, alternatively you could just work your way through the pain you're in right now until you're at the point where you can look for that special someone again and hopefully a single someone this time because as you've found this way is never easy,all the best to you

[loverman1]

He will make her happy for a while I'm sure, but in 6 months - 1 year, I'm doubtful. When I see her next in a couple of days, I will say to her that I don't need to be with her but instead I want to see if this guy has changed for good, so I will tell her I will wait to find out. How does it sound ?

This is very hard for myself I know, (not fair for myself) but I'm thinking of her. This is how I will love her, I only need to sit at her table at work.

[bluenote99]

He will make her happy for a while I'm sure, but in 6 months - 1 year, I'm doubtful. When I see her next in a couple of days, I will say to her that I don't need to be with her but instead I want to see if this guy has changed for good, so I will tell her I will wait to find out. How does it sound ?

This is very hard for myself I know, (not fair for myself) but I'm thinking of her. This is how I will love her, I only need to sit at her table at work.

truthfully sounds like it would be a painful route for you to take, its your call but settling for far less than you want in the hope that at some point in the future she'll ditch him and turn to you, not saying that it couldn't happen but theres a good chance it won't and where would that leave you? get that you love her but you'll be missing out on other potential relationships while you cool your heels waiting for her to split from the other guy

[basilandthyme]

Just four months ago you were broken hearted over someone else. You clearly recovered from that breakup, so you'll recover from this one too.

Next time, be more sensible with your choices: This heartbreak was one of your own making.

[loverman1]

Just four months ago you were broken hearted over someone else. You clearly recovered from that breakup, so you'll recover from this one too.

Next time, be more sensible with your choices: This heartbreak was one of your own making.

This is true, I only recovered in being with someone esle, I realized how unwanted I was before. I took a chance while I could. This is not normal for me, I'm not a guy who meets girls often.

[basilandthyme]

You may not meet girls often, but you have just proved to yourself that you can do it if you want to. Now, put your mind to good use and find someone who's AVAILABLE.

Also, it's really important to not let yourself get too attached too quickly. You only knew this girl for 4 months: at this stage of dating, you should still be on alert and playing cautious with your feelings. Wait till things are sorted out and running smoothly before you fully let your guard down.

[loverman1]

You may not meet girls often, but you have just proved to yourself that you can do it if you want to. Now, put your mind to good use and find someone who's AVAILABLE.

Also, it's really important to not let yourself get too attached too quickly. You only knew this girl for 4 months: at this stage of dating, you should still be on alert and playing cautious with your feelings. Wait till things are sorted out and running smoothly before you fully let your guard down.

Yes I agree that it all went too quickly, I can see that now, but I didn't really know what I was doing. I have known her for a year and a half, she's not just a woman to me she was also like a best friend, there hasn't been anyone who I have been closer with over this time. For her sake, it would be a mistake to lose me.. its not only about me

[DalM0m]

It's about her children. I didn't realize there were kids involved. Really, she needs to get her act together for their sakes. If her other relationship is so awful, let her end it AND recover from it before you start up with her.

You also need to re-assess your self analysis. You said you are "not a guy who meets women" but here you have met two in a relatively short time. Give yourself a bit more credit.

Also, there's a saying: "THe best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." It's a bit crude but you have seen how true it is. Becoming interested in this woman helped you move on from the last one. Why not focus your efforts n trying to find somebody to help you get over this woman? Just pick somebody who is unattached.

[4 ratties]

Why would u wanna be with a cheater? She just used u for an emotional tampon, never intending to leave her current boyfriend , and now she's back with him. That's how it goes in these situations. Don't get close to people that aren't available. You'll always end up getting hurt.

[loverman1]

I thought the girl normally leaves the partner if there's an affair? (just my ignorance) It was an affair because that's the only way it could ever be, if she wasn't happy with her partner. If she has kids who know him, then she would never be able to leave him and just be single, most people are not that strong or text book perfect.

I want to tell her what I can offer her with sending her Children to a private school with buying a nice house. It is more about her children and not just about me and her.