Lied About His Identity

[surfhb2]

... You call me a "nasty cunt" like its a bad thing

Hahaha......Funny

[Starnique]

Right. Nothing wrong with a nasty cunt. I loves it.

[Starnique]

OP, you see your searched helped. Continue to do it as needed. You saved yourself trouble and heartache.

[namemyname]

namemyname

I think Googling anybody you don't know is almost a requirement in this day & age. If you didn't find anything in the US I'd be concerned too. Maybe as another poster pointed out, the privacy laws are different in other countries & having no information show up is less abnormal. I'm sorry it turned out that you were right & he has another family.

I will suggest that going forward, you take a different approach when you confront somebody about your findings. Texting is the worst way to solve or even approach a relationship issue. I would have been -- & have been -- softer & more personal about it. I would have talked to him. I also in a light hearted way would have asked to see his driver's license. I always want a cell #, a work # and an address. If the man wouldn't give me those, after a brief period of getting to know him & at a point where I felt safe & comfortable giving them to him, I would assume what you discovered -- he's married.

Double checking is not insane. Failure to ask questions and verify is insane, imnsho.

Ya, I thought about asking him to see his DL, but I kinda knew that wouldn't fly. I thought it was strange when I confronted him that I knew he lied about his identity, he didn't deny it, and didn't even ask how or what would make me think this, and what was driving my suspicion. I think most people when allegedly falsely accused, tend to defend themselves, and be upset at the unfair assumptions. He just said, "that's an interesting statement." lol

There were a lot of red flags with him, which is what made me google him to begin with (though I would with everyone, honestly - lol), and when it came up dead, I asked my PI buddy to do one of his searches as having NO presence anywhere is a flag in itself, and I know his searches are lock tight (he did one on me and it was frightening how much he knew about me - yeesh). He told me no one in the world has the last name he gave me, which is odd, since he *supposedly* has a brother. He was extremely vague about his work, had an untraceable cell phone, he gave a fake name on the reservation on our first date, paid cash...all of these things stuck with me.

[namemyname]

OP, you see your searched helped. Continue to do it as needed. You saved yourself trouble and heartache.

Ya, just disappointing. Thank God I found this out before sleeping with him next weekend. I really have to stop meeting men online.

[Starnique]

I never do online dating. Maybe once or twice but it wasn't anything planned. I didn't go online looking. It was thru facebook or something like that. I just don't trust it. Nothing wrong with it but my bestfriend had a horror story about meeting a guy online. He lied about his identity. I mean, his name was the same but he lied and said he was financially well off and he had this and he had that and she went to visit him in another state and he didn't have any of that. He turned out to be very controlling with major issues. His family was nuts too. Anyway, at least you knew ahead of time unlike my friend who went thru the ringer with these people. She cant even talk about it with getting emotional. It was a mess. But don't be hard on yourself. I have met several men in person who turned out to be complete lying assholes also. You have to get to know people, that's all and drop them as soon as you find out their true colors.

[dem862]

Unfortunately, my name in google brings up a man who was convicted of child molestation in another state.

[Wakeup]

^^^^
Well, it's lucky op didn't sleep with you on the third date then. lol


J/K

Background check = good thing
Relying on google only = O.O

[Wakeup]

We have a male friend who was hood-winked by a woman that was engaged to be married to a man that lived away. She told him the weekend before she was to be married that she couldn't see him anymore after that Saturday because she was getting married next weekend and her husband wouldn't like it. They were dating and doing each other for about four months.

That's POF for ya.

[LifeInflux]

I find this entire thing kind of funny... I'm sorry, but I don't google anyone that I date.. that includes people I've met and dated from dating sites.. and people I've met and dated in person.

The truth outs itself given enough time, and people stupid enough to stick to a regimen of.. "I'm going to sleep with him on the third date, then ride him like a pony on the 6th date, then bring up marriage on the 12th date" are just ridiculous.

I blame people not having sense enough to getting to know the people they're dating up front... asking pertinent questions and really weeding out who people are. Niceties usually wear off around the 3rd to 5th date, you start to see people a little more clearly. Sex isn't a race, its not about.. how soon can we get there.... if you want to really be honest with how you feel about a person (like if you want to sleep with them at all, and keep dating them), you can abstain from sex even after the 6th or 7th date so you get a good idea of what the person is truly like.

People out themselves for what they truly are at some point, its all just a matter of patience. Not being impulsive and idiotic, and you don't need an investigative team to get the job done.

[namemyname]

I find this entire thing kind of funny... I'm sorry, but I don't google anyone that I date.. that includes people I've met and dated from dating sites.. and people I've met and dated in person.

The truth outs itself given enough time, and people stupid enough to stick to a regimen of.. "I'm going to sleep with him on the third date, then ride him like a pony on the 6th date, then bring up marriage on the 12th date" is just ridiculous.

I blame people not having sense enough to getting to know the people they're dating up front... asking pertinent questions and really weeding out who people are. Niceties usually wear off around the 3rd to 5th date, you start to see people a little more clearly. Sex isn't a race, its not about.. how soon can we get there.... if you want to really be honest with how you feel about a person (like if you want to sleep with them at all, and keep dating them), you can abstain from sex even after the 6th or 7th date so you get a good idea of what the person is truly like.

People out themselves for what they truly are at some point, its all just a matter of patience. Not being impulsive and idiotic, and you don't need and investigative team to get the job done.

Well, you really should. You'd be surprised the shit that people hide and lie about.

Years ago, an acquaintance fixed me up with a friend. Gorgeous, fit, my age, great job, lots in common...google stalked him, and apparently he was 3 months separated, and had twin babies that were 6 months old. Who splits with little ones that age? Well, divorce records showed the reasons. Not to mention his bankruptcy. Whatta mess.

You can wait as long as you like for the truth to reveal itself. I'd rather not invest more than 10 minutes in someone who is lying to me. Why bother to spend the energy on someone who's shady?

I like to google a date mainly to verify what he's told me. *Most* of the time it has checked out. This one had too many red flags, and required a deeper investigation. And, I'm really glad I did it. Spared me a lot of pain and heartache down the road.

And, not sure why you're so hung up on the sex thing. People that are liars tend to be very good at it, and can carry on a charade for months, if not longer. Again, why invest weeks or months into someone who's lying about who they are, their availability...? Point being, you can wait 2 months to have sex with someone, and chances are if they're lying and gotten you that far into the game, you still won't know.

This guy has a wife in a different state, which explains why he flies there for a few days a month. If I didn't know about the wife, I'd believe his lie that he had business to conduct. See what I mean?

[namemyname]

^^^^
Well, it's lucky op didn't sleep with you on the third date then. lol


J/K

Background check = good thing
Relying on google only = O.O

Google can reveal a lot, actually. That is, if you have someone's real name or information.

In my state, all court records and property records can be found online.

So, even with the smallest of info, you can string a lot. I know this because I did it to myself.

If I googled just my phone number, it would link to my website. From there, you'd get my full name. From there, you could find out where I live, how much I paid for my house, when I paid my taxes, when I got a speeding ticket, etc. If you're someone who has a facebook, linkedin, etc., all that comes up, too.

But, someone like this guy...who gave me an entire fake name (here's a clue - when the name doesn't exist anywhere in the world, chances are it's made up - lol), he required a bit more leg work.

FWIW, for the life of me, I will never understand why people do these things, and how they can live with themselves and rationalize it.

[LifeInflux]

Well, you really should. You'd be surprised the shit that people hide and lie about.

Years ago, an acquaintance fixed me up with a friend. Gorgeous, fit, my age, great job, lots in common...google stalked him, and apparently he was 3 months separated, and had twin babies that were 6 months old. Who splits with little ones that age? Well, divorce records showed the reasons. Not to mention his bankruptcy. Whatta mess.

You can wait as long as you like for the truth to reveal itself. I'd rather not invest more than 10 minutes in someone who is lying to me. Why bother to spend the energy on someone who's shady?

I like to google a date mainly to verify what he's told me. *Most* of the time it has checked out. This one had too many red flags, and required a deeper investigation. And, I'm really glad I did it. Spared me a lot of pain and heartache down the road.

And, not sure why you're so hung up on the sex thing. People that are liars tend to be very good at it, and can carry on a charade for months, if not longer. Again, why invest weeks or months into someone who's lying about who they are, their availability...? Point being, you can wait 2 months to have sex with someone, and chances are if they're lying and gotten you that far into the game, you still won't know.

This guy has a wife in a different state, which explains why he flies there for a few days a month. If I didn't know about the wife, I'd believe his lie that he had business to conduct. See what I mean?

Thats just the thing... I don't deal with red flags... but I also give people the benefit of the doubt. You can choose to believe it or don't, but people online personas are rarely who people actually are. You could google me, find tons of stuff on me... probably find my facebook page (that I don't run and don't have nor want access to) find a linked in profile (that my work also manages for me) and tons of other things I'm sure.... but what does that really account for? Not who I actually am in my day to day life, not even in the slightest.

If I believe a person I'm dating requires me to do a background check on them, then they aren't someone I should be dating... done and done. You can obsess over one of a million reasons not to date someone, but at the end of the day, people did find relationships before the world of internet searches and investigative services and phone and text logs.

You dig deep enough getting to know a person genuinely, its not hard to tell if that person is for you within the first few dates. The fallback on "What will google say about him" is just a passive aggressive way of saying you don't trust your own judgement.

If you find this a more common necessity as you continue to date, maybe you're looking for the wrong kinds of guys.

[namemyname]

Thats just the thing... I don't deal with red flags... but I also give people the benefit of the doubt. You can choose to believe it or don't, but people online personas are rarely who people actually are. You could google me, find tons of stuff on me... probably find my facebook page (that I don't run and don't have nor want access to) find a linked in profile (that my work also manages for me) and tons of other things I'm sure.... but what does that really account for? Not who I actually am in my day to day life, not even in the slightest.

If I believe a person I'm dating requires me to do a background check on them, then they aren't someone I should be dating... done and done. You can obsess over one of a million reasons not to date someone, but at the end of the day, people did find relationships before the world of internet searches and investigative services and phone and text logs.

You dig deep enough getting to know a person genuinely, its not hard to tell if that person is for you within the first few dates. The fallback on "What will google say about him" is just a passive aggressive way of saying you don't trust your own judgement.

If you find this a more common necessity as you continue to date, maybe you're looking for the wrong kinds of guys.

And, I think you're exceptionally naïve. And, FWIW, if your online persona doesn't represent you, you might want to work on that. Employers, insurers, creditors...all regularly perv an online presence to get a snapshot of a person.

Do you reveal all your shit in the first few dates? Do you have things to hide? Most people do. It just depends how sinister it is, and, that's a personal call. Some people will tolerate more history than others.

It has nothing to do with trusting your own judgment. It has to do with being around the block and knowing that people you meet online, regularly lie. And, I'm not interested in investing the amount of time that you seem to, in order to see what you can ferret out. If there's a tool available today, that will get me my answers, why wait a month to *hope* to find something organically?

Waste of time.

[LifeInflux]

And, I think you're exceptionally naïve. And, FWIW, if your online persona doesn't represent you, you might want to work on that. Employers, insurers, creditors...all regularly perv an online presence to get a snapshot of a person.

Do you reveal all your shit in the first few dates? Do you have things to hide? Most people do. It just depends how sinister it is, and, that's a personal call. Some people will tolerate more history than others.

It has nothing to do with trusting your own judgment. It has to do with being around the block and knowing that people you meet online, regularly lie. And, I'm not interested in investing the amount of time that you seem to, in order to see what you can ferret out. If there's a tool available today, that will get me my answers, why wait a month to *hope* to find something organically?

Waste of time.

You can think whatever you'd like about me, I certainly have nothing to prove, I didn't start a thread asking about someone I met randomly, and this isn't your first thread you've mentioned where someone misrepresented themselves and you stalked them until you found that piece that you were looking for, and that thread went on for quite some time too.

When I date, I have nothing to hide... I don't necessarily have anything to hide on my online presence either, apart from undesirables contacting me when I'd prefer them not to.

I don't have to worry about my online presence, I know I'm well represented, even if it doesn't represent me individually. The point is, I never go into every date thinking that this person is someone I'm going to sleep with in a couple more dates... or that I'm even going to see them romantically. I meet them as friends, and until I can extend my trust, I keep them that way unless its something purely sexual, and then I really couldn't care less if another consenting adult is cheating on their partner and choosing not to tell me. But then again, I'm not one for one night stands either, so that has never been an issue


Personally, if I happened to be on a date and someone mentioned that they googled me and found that I bought my house for a certain amount, where it was located, where I worked and all of that nonsense.... I wouldn't call them back either lol. My first response would be... "why didn't you just ask me?" And that would probably be our last conversation, because a person that untrustworthy to me, when I haven't given them a reason to be, is a person I'd rather not be with.