Lied About His Identity

[VincenzoG91]

I'm very amused by this idea of judging people by online presence. My real first name and last name are extremely common, particularly the combination of them. Google me and you will get 186 million hits, and probably half of them are related to a specific professional athlete with the same name. The only place online where I use my real name is Facebook, and even there you will find millions of guys with the same first name/last name combination.

[TablesandChairs]

You spared yourself more useless dates. If what you say is true, then well done. People can string you along for quite some time and if there's a way to avoid several dates which turn out to be nothing but a waste of time, why not?

It pays to be cautious when it comes to online dating - it's a breeding ground for liars, more so than people you meet out and about or through friends, work or whatever. So if something seems suss, you may as well investigate. It's your life.

[namemyname]

I'm very amused by this idea of judging people by online presence. My real first name and last name are extremely common, particularly the combination of them. Google me and you will get 186 million hits, and probably half of them are related to a specific professional athlete with the same name. The only place online where I use my real name is Facebook, and even there you will find millions of guys with the same first name/last name combination.

As mentioned...recruiters, insurers, etc. are ALL checking your online presence. I have a friend who's a principal, and some parents complained about the randy pics a teacher had on her FB. She got fired. A friend who is a recruiter regularly stalks people online for clues into how they run their personal lives. If you are getting insurance claims for a back injury, and then posting pics of you wakeboarding, you're screwed. Point is, don't kid yourself that people aren't checking up on you, and don't kid yourself that they can't find you easily. They are. Hell, I bet with even basic info on you, I could write a bio.

You spared yourself more useless dates. If what you say is true, then well done. People can string you along for quite some time and if there's a way to avoid several dates which turn out to be nothing but a waste of time, why not?

It pays to be cautious when it comes to online dating - it's a breeding ground for liars, more so than people you meet out and about or through friends, work or whatever. So if something seems suss, you may as well investigate. It's your life.

Yep. I agree - people you meet in real life are already vetted, to a certain degree, as they're within your circle. The internet is just ripe with liars, cheaters, and what not.

This guy was good, and likely could have strung me along for a very long time, as his wife lives out of state (and cross country at that). So, he had lots of free time for me, was generally extremely available, could spend an overnight, a weekend, etc., and totally appear single. Then, a few times a month, he's out of town for work for a week, or has some friends visiting and is tied up for a few days...things you wouldn't question, necessarily.

He was too vague about too much, though, and my spidey senses were in high drive. Most times the intuition is correct.

[Wakeup]

Well, you really should. You'd be surprised the shit that people hide and lie about.

Years ago, an acquaintance fixed me up with a friend. Gorgeous, fit, my age, great job, lots in common...google stalked him, and apparently he was 3 months separated,

I'm sorry, but where did you get this information from? From what site? And, if an aquaintance fixed you up, wouldn't he know that this guy was separated just three months ago and the father of little babies? Did you even talk to him about his personal life and what was going on with him with this "acquaintance?"

I dunno, I'm all for checking up to make sure you're not going out with a married man or Jeffery Dalmer but wowzer... On the risk of being called a cunt again Couldn't that info about him have been sussed out without an online stalk and through conversation while texting/chatting/at a coffee meet? You'd never get that kind of information here in Canada unless he had his facebook wide open and posted as such. Did he try to hide that from you? You seem to find an inordinate number of men who are unavailable to be dating. What online dating site are you using?

This guy was good, and likely could have strung me along for a very long time, as his wife lives out of state (and cross country at that).

Any reason found out why he's where you are and she's living cross country?

[namemyname]

I'm sorry, but where did you get this information from? From what site? And, if an aquaintance fixed you up, wouldn't he know that this guy was separated just three months ago and the father of little babies? Did you even talk to him about his personal life and what was going on with him with this "acquaintance?"

I dunno, I'm all for checking up to make sure you're not going out with a married man or Jeffery Dalmer but wowzer... On the risk of being called a cunt again Couldn't that info about him have been sussed out without an online stalk and through conversation while texting/chatting/at a coffee meet? You'd never get that kind of information here in Canada unless he had his facebook wide open and posted as such. Did he try to hide that from you? You seem to find an inordinate number of men who are unavailable to be dating. What online dating site are you using?

Any reason found out why he's where you are and she's living cross country?

Again, all court and property records are public and online in my state. Everything from a speeding ticket, to a restraining order, to bankruptcy, to divorce records, to whose name is on the deed to your home. The guy called me, I googled his phone number, got his name, and voila. It was an acquaintance, and a dude, so I don't think his friends life choices were that tragic in his mind. lol

This guy was lying to me about being married, so how do you think this was going to come out in casual conversation? He was purposely deceiving me for a reason. He wasn't about to mention his wife, as he was intent on parading as being single and available. You don't exactly bag great women coming out and saying you're looking to cheat and make her a mistress. Guys looking for affairs tend to want that with someone more than a ONS type, which is why he qualified me as dating material, and positioned himself as available. I suspect he thought he'd sweep me off my feet, then tell me about the wife when I was hooked on him, and in his hope, less inclined to leave him.

Let's see...since the summer with OLD... there was the guy who felt he didn't have his life together enough to date me in a serious way, then the guy I met on a non-dating site who moved out of state, and then this one.

Why is she living cross-country? No idea. He said he moved here 9 months ago, but still goes back there for business once a month. The only thing I can think is that she can't move here full-time yet, either for work or family reasons. Maybe they're getting separated. Maybe it's a marriage of convenience. Who knows. The guy went to the extent to craft a fake name so I couldn't find out who he was, so he certainly had things he wanted to stay hidden.

BTW, when I confronted him with it, he never denied it. He just said, "that's an interesting statement". I never told him what I found out, I just said that I knew he lied about his name. When I said I was done since he lied and asked what kind of game he was playing, he responded he wasn't playing a game, that there was nothing he could gain from me (ouch?), and then said he didn't need this aggravation. Precious. lol Now, I know you felt I got it wrong initially, and I would think if I did, he would have been more defensive, or at least questioned why I was saying this, or what it was based on. Strange reaction for sure.

[Wakeup]

*snipped* I'm not sure wth happened but my post didn't come out the way I posted it when I hit submit. So I'm snipping it and will repost later.

This guy was lying to me about being married, so how do you think this was going to come out in casual conversation?

I was talking about the guy who was separated that you were set up by an aquaintance... not the married guy.

[Wakeup]

Again, all court and property records are public and online in my state. Everything from a speeding ticket, to a restraining order, to bankruptcy, to divorce records, to whose name is on the deed to your home. The guy called me, I googled his phone number, got his name, and voila. It was an acquaintance, and a dude, so I don't think his friends life choices were that tragic in his mind. lol

As I said, in Canada there are privacy laws and there is no way in hell any of that would be public knowledge. Talk about Big Brother... its easy to see why Identity Theft is such a problem there. If you can get all that from Google, then how int he hell are those Online Detective Software packages making the money they are making.

This guy was lying to me about being married, so how do you think this was going to come out in casual conversation?

I was talking about the separated guy when I asked that question, not the married guy so I'm not sure why you bought him up again. Its common sense why a married man would lie to you and it wouldn't come up in convo.

Why is she living cross-country? No idea. He said he moved here 9 months ago, but still goes back there for business once a month. The only thing I can think is that she can't move here full-time yet, either for work or family reasons. Maybe they're getting separated. Maybe it's a marriage of convenience. Who knows. The guy went to the extent to craft a fake name so I couldn't find out who he was, so he certainly had things he wanted to stay hidden.

How much did you have on him to be able to suss out his real name? Might as well educate the masses on how to get a real name (without looking at a license) so others can do the same.

BTW, when I confronted him with it, he never denied it. He just said, "that's an interesting statement". I never told him what I found out, I just said that I knew he lied about his name. When I said I was done since he lied and asked what kind of game he was playing, he responded he wasn't playing a game, that there was nothing he could gain from me (ouch?), and then said he didn't need this aggravation.

Are you absolutely sure your PI friend found info on the same guy that you were dating and didn't get it mixed up? I would think that most men who are good catches (good looking, rich, exciting) would have lots of options and would just next someone that was accusing them of nefarious activities. lol (Not saying thats what he did just voicing a scenerio)

Now, I know you felt I got it wrong initially, and I would think if I did, he would have been more defensive,

Not necessarily, not if he has those options I was referring to. Then again, I think that lots of times, those kinds of men don't want to settle down and prefer to enjoy their options. *shrugs* I'm just curious more then anything at this point. On to the next adventure in dating. Keep on looking out for yourself.

[namemyname]

As I said, in Canada there are privacy laws and there is no way in hell any of that would be public knowledge. Talk about Big Brother... its easy to see why Identity Theft is such a problem there. If you can get all that from Google, then how int he hell are those Online Detective Software packages making the money they are making.

I was talking about the separated guy when I asked that question, not the married guy so I'm not sure why you bought him up again. Its common sense why a married man would lie to you and it wouldn't come up in convo.



How much did you have on him to be able to suss out his real name? Might as well educate the masses on how to get a real name (without looking at a license) so others can do the same.

Are you absolutely sure your PI friend found info on the same guy that you were dating and didn't get it mixed up? I would think that most men who are good catches (good looking, rich, exciting) would have lots of options and would just next someone that was accusing them of nefarious activities. lol (Not saying thats what he did just voicing a scenerio)

Not necessarily, not if he has those options I was referring to. Then again, I think that lots of times, those kinds of men don't want to settle down and prefer to enjoy their options. *shrugs* I'm just curious more then anything at this point. On to the next adventure in dating. Keep on looking out for yourself.

I have no idea what online detective is. And, different states have different systems. Mine happens to list EVERYTHING.

The separated guy...why wait to find out? He might have waited weeks to tell me. He certainly didn't reveal that in our correspondence, that's for sure.

The married guy wasn't an easy find. But, having a last name that exists no where in the world is highly suspicious, and that was the first tip off. I'm not talking about no one with his name in our town, or state. I'm saying no where on the planet does that last name exist. He really wanted to make sure no one could find out who he really was. To find him wasn't easy, that's why the PI did his thing. The average person couldn't do the work he did. He asked to see every pic he ever sent me, and one included a piece of his driveway. From there the PI got his address, then who owned the house (a business trust), then he had to dig to find who was on that, as he said he put up a few layers to the truth. It wasn't a quick hit, but still, took him about 20 minutes, he said. lol He has all kinds of systems and software. Anyhow, yes, it was him. He found a pic of him and his wife at a charity fundraiser. lol

I wouldn't say he had a lot of options, even as a cheater. You're picturing someone far more suave, dashing and compelling than he was. I never said he was exciting. Wealthy (and he made sure you knew it pretty quickly) and attractive, but in an average attractive way (he's pretty short and balding), not in a George Clooney way. More like George Costanza. lol

[RipVanWinkleX]

Wow, people like you make me sick TC

[TablesandChairs]

What are we criticizing here really? That she didn't invest more time in a liar? You can learn to spot a fake easily once you've been burned before - they're vague, evasive, they offer very little information...you can spend all night talking and find you know very little about them by the end. Why not cut to the chase if you can? He's going to cheat anyway but at least it won't be with the OP. I'd be happy with that.

[Wakeup]

He might have waited weeks to tell me

What if you asked him what his status was in conversation "so what was your last relationship like? Were you married before? When did you separate?

I'm from a country that isn't intrusive and there are privacy laws in place so it doesn't make personal information public. (although you could search title on property at the local Assessment Office manually, which could still have both husband and wife on title if they hadn't yet sold the marital home)

I'd like to educate people from places like mine on how they could have gotten to the bottom of the separated man's status. (Good topic, Name) A marriage license or a divorce decress would NOT be found on a google search here in Canada. Questions are very important here and if the person sitting across from you is vague, evasive and they offer very little information then its a good idea to exit stage left. Keeping in mind of course and giving some leeway since they likely want to sus you out as well to make sure that you're not a bunny boiler and will stalk their place of work when you don't call them for two days.

Google is useless where I come from. Totally useless unless you have access to certain private sites due to your own job which allows only you to access them.

I never said he was exciting. Wealthy

You said he was "rich very rich" and that you were going to being going on a third date which meant nookie for you.. I'd assume that you found him exciting if that was the case? My bad for assuming.

"Online Detective" is a paid site where they will do a background check for you and pull up any and all information they have on the person you are questioning. It's useless here in Canada because nothing of use is put on the internet for the general public to view. (So don't waste your money anyone who has privacy laws in place in their country).

Anyway, better luck next time. I think it's a good idea to get their last name before you even waste two dating experiences with them, that way you can find out if their lying pieces of shit before you break bread with them.

[steelguy]

Not everyone has a file online! You can't presume someone is lying because there's no info about them on google. If someone did that kinda background check on me when we were dating, I'd be very hurt and angry.

[namemyname]

Not everyone has a file online! You can't presume someone is lying because there's no info about them on google. If someone did that kinda background check on me when we were dating, I'd be very hurt and angry.

It's not just google, though. I agree, not everyone shows up there. Some people have very tiny lives, and fly under the radar pretty easily.

But, there are so many "people search" engines that track you if you've owned a home, signed a lease, had a landline, owned property...it's pretty hard to not be found anywhere these days. Spokeo, peopledata, zabasearch, mylife - these things all record people. I think it sucks, personally.

Again, the big tip off wasn't that he wasn't easily found - it was that his alleged last name exists absolutely no where on the planet. That was the final red flag for me. He supposedly (according to him) has family - a brother who is married with children. I find it hard to believe no one is his family shows up, either. Kids are traceable online these days from getting tagged in a picture from a school event. Professionals get tagged for being a member of an association, etc. It's just way too odd to have no one crop up at all. I mean, I can google my deceased relatives and still find info about them.

When I added that to him paying cash on our dates, being very evasive about what he did for a living, giving a wrong last name for our dinner reservation, not being willing to tell me his last name on our first date...

And, I never told him I did a check on him. I just said his name didn't exist anywhere.

[namemyname]

What are we criticizing here really? That she didn't invest more time in a liar? You can learn to spot a fake easily once you've been burned before - they're vague, evasive, they offer very little information...you can spend all night talking and find you know very little about them by the end. Why not cut to the chase if you can? He's going to cheat anyway but at least it won't be with the OP. I'd be happy with that.

That's pretty much how he was, TC. Very evasive. I even caught him in a strange lie. He told me his Dad died when he was young, but also told me that happened at two different ages (a year apart, but still). I think that's something you wouldn't forget easily, and wouldn't provide a range of date options for that kind of loss.

[namemyname]

What if you asked him what his status was in conversation "so what was your last relationship like? Were you married before? When did you separate?

Anyway, better luck next time. I think it's a good idea to get their last name before you even waste two dating experiences with them, that way you can find out if their lying pieces of shit before you break bread with them.

It's been my experience that people don't come out of the box and quickly reveal their baggage. I doubt separated guy would have mentioned it. He didn't in 5 days of emailing. I'd rather not shave my legs and put on a nice dress to try and suss something out in person, when I can find out from my couch. Not worth the effort.

I asked married guy his last name on our first date, and he wouldn't tell me. Odd. I did ask him again the following week, and he did tell me, in fairness to him, but I forgot. I wasn't interested in seeing him again, so I dropped it. It was after our second date that I asked again, and that's when I found him out. I still wouldn't call it a lengthy investment. I did get two fabulous dinners out of it.