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Thread: Accidentally Dodged His Kiss Even Though I REALLY Like Him. How do I Fix This?

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng View Post
    You might not think your bias comes through, but it does.
    Where in my posts in the first page does my bias come through?

    Now, you are starting to sound like the stereotypical irrational/emotional woman, incapable of arguing based on logic and reason. Not only are you partially quoting my statements, it's obvious you're completely missing the point of what I'm saying in a few of them. You were somehow trying to prove me wrong on a point that I was agreeing with you on.
    Dragging the stereotypes associated with my gender into the discussion is not going to make it better in any way, shape or form, even if mentioned facetiously or whatever.

    Which points did I miss?

    I don't think what he said could be less sexist. He noticed your bias and assumed it was because you're a woman because it is common, among men and women, to take up for their gender in a situation. Not knowing your background, he assumed this common behavior was the reason.
    Fair enough, but again: I am not taking her side. I was not taking anybody's side. HDBadger was the one who said that I was taking her side, based solely on the fact that I, like her, am a woman. See below.

    In any event, him saying you took her side because you're a woman is personal to you. He didn't say, all woman always take all women's side because they're women. He said that because the OP is a woman, you are taking her side. Big difference, and again you're twisting words to hear what you want to hear..another symptom of the stereotypical irrational/emotional woman, incapable of arguing based on logic and reason.
    I'm going to quote HDBadger directly:
    Quote Originally Posted by HDBadger View Post
    Of course all the women think it's a guy's duty to "not give up so easily," even on a girl who is being difficult. I can't say I'm surprised.
    Speaks for itself, see how personal to me he was... it was already set in his mind that "all the women" here would side up with the OP, so he read my post and without bothering to actually understand it, he assumed I was siding with her AND that nothing he would say would make me change my mind, no matter how reasonable.

    Again, using stereotypes against my gender to try and make me look bad is not cool, no matter how pretty you word it.

    OP didn't say she was abused. She said he was "mind game-y". I don't see how someone forces/guilts someone with their mind, unless the other person doesn't want to in the first place.
    I don't know what happened with the OP and her ex, but some people can actually manipulate other people into doing things they are uncomfortable with, so it is possible that it happened to her. It's a possibility, that's all.

    As far as everything being sexist, I meant that as a general statement, since you bring it up all the time. Even when there is nothing.
    I don't think I've ever said something was sexist when it actually wasn't, on this forum. It's possible that it wasn't the intention of who said it for it to be sexist, but that doesn't mean the thing itself wasn't sexist.

  2. #32
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    Your bias comes through, for one, when you flip things on the guy and start talking about his motives for doing things..with no evidence of such.

    What point didn't you get? When I said you identified based on your past, not gender with the OP.

    The quote from HDBadger does speak for itself..all of the women who responded said the same thing, and he wasn't surprised that they did, because he's been here long enough to know that girls often say that the guy shouldn't give up or whatever. That's not sexist.

    I was not being facetious, I was being dead serious. There is a stereotype that I described, and you are fitting, and I only brought it up to say that I can understand HDBadger not wanting to explain something to someone who fits that stereotype. The quote you used from him, is addressing the forum. When he refuses to explain, it's because you, personally, would not understand, not women as a whole.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng View Post
    Your bias comes through, for one, when you flip things on the guy and start talking about his motives for doing things..with no evidence of such.
    You mean when I said he might be playing games by backing off and letting her come to him? I just said that in response to your implication that she was playing games when she missed the kiss: you also had no evidence for it, yet you said it all the same. I was pointing out the absurdity of it. We don't know if either of them is playing games, based on the information we have. Actually, we do have information that points to her not playing games.

    What point didn't you get? When I said you identified based on your past, not gender with the OP.
    Yep, thought it might be that one. I was arguing that HDBadger (not you) implied that I identified with her because of my gender and not because of my past. I didn't try to prove you wrong, I was merely pointing out that HDBadger was wrong in his assumption and your interpretation was correct (albeit for me it was limited to the specific part about avoiding physical contact due to past negative experiences).

    The quote from HDBadger does speak for itself..all of the women who responded said the same thing, and he wasn't surprised that they did, because he's been here long enough to know that girls often say that the guy shouldn't give up or whatever. That's not sexist.
    Yes it is because it implies that all women think the same thing about something, which is clearly not true. The proof of his prejudices was when he assumed that I was siding with OP based solely on the fact that I'm a woman (demonstrating a fundamental miscomprehension of my posts), and that I wouldn't have changed my mind about it no matter how reasonable his arguments might have been, because I am a woman.

    I was not being facetious, I was being dead serious. There is a stereotype that I described, and you are fitting, and I only brought it up to say that I can understand HDBadger not wanting to explain something to someone who fits that stereotype. The quote you used from him, is addressing the forum. When he refuses to explain, it's because you, personally, would not understand, not women as a whole.
    If it had been personal, he wouldn't have even mentioned the term "woman" at all. Not to mention that obviously I do not fit that stereotype (and you know it). I did not fit it according to you either, in the first page of this thread: you said it yourself that all I said before the quote about past experiences was "reasonable". But even if I did, it would have nothing to do with my gender.

    Bringing it up is just reinforcing the stereotype itself, which, yes, is sexist, and frankly very rude and detrimental.
    Last edited by searock; 24-10-13 at 10:25 AM.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng View Post
    When he refuses to explain, it's because you, personally, would not understand, not women as a whole.
    Bravo!


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    Quote Originally Posted by Empty Road View Post
    Bravo!
    Empty Road, go back and read the post this discussion is about. Nothing about it shows that I would not understand anything he might say.

    Also, if he meant that I personally wouldn't understand, he shouldn't have said that it's "because I'm a woman".

  6. #36
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    His quote implied that all women on this site think the same. Which I think is a small enough pool of people, and a pool with which he has enough experience to make that assumption. When he said,"because she's a woman", he was saying that you personally, are taking her side because you're both women, and because you already appeared(to him) to have your mind made up, it wasn't worth explaining..not that women don't have the capacity to understand his thoughts, which is what you are saying. That comment was not sexist in the slightest. This is why I think you are being irrational. You are constantly taking things out of context to try to prove your point, and you have been ever since the first page.
    Last edited by BackUpOrGetStng; 24-10-13 at 10:43 AM.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng View Post
    His quote implied that all women on this site think the same. Which I think is a small enough pool of people, and a pool with which he has enough experience to make that assumption. When he said,"because she's a woman", he was saying that you personally, are taking her side because you're both women and because you already appeared(to him) to have your mind made up it wasn't worth explaining..not that women don't have the capacity to understand his thoughts.
    This does make sense, at least the part about him not wanting to explain to me not because of my gender but because he thought I had my mind made up too strongly, but the thing is, I was not taking her side and he assumed that I was simply because I am a woman. (Also, not all women on this site think the same.) He also speaks of entitlement of some women, disregarding the fact that slut-shaming is a very real thing and the reason why lots of women don't want to seem too "eager" on the first date, therefore making it the guy's job to "chase" them. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying there is a reason for which it happens and the reason is a sexist society that hurts both women and men, and to which he seems oblivious (at best) to.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by searock View Post
    Empty Road, go back and read the post this discussion is about. Nothing about it shows that I would not understand anything he might say.

    Also, if he meant that I personally wouldn't understand, he shouldn't have said that it's "because I'm a woman".
    HDbadger explaination and advice to the OP is solid. It may sound harsh but it's the truth. She did screw up. I don't think it's unsalvageable but she definitely has to work hard to repair the damage. It doesn't make HDbadger a sexist when he argue about women's sense of entitlement. It's simply what it is a cultural phenomenon that is a product of our society. He is well aware not all women are like that. But when women expects men to climb through the gates of Hades to prove their love. It only proves they are doormats. And we know women don't want doormats, they want a real man with integrity. And these decent men will not play these types of games. And if OP wants to land a great guy, her actions too should be more consistent with her desires. From a guy perspective, it sometimes difficult to explain things to girls as they get so easily offended when we start throwing terms like "some women" around.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Empty Road View Post
    HDbadger explaination and advice to the OP is solid. It may sound harsh but it's the truth. She did screw up. I don't think it's unsalvageable but she definitely has to work hard to repair the damage.
    ...which is exactly what I've been saying since the start. OP screwed up but it is salvageable, all it takes is a simple text from her explaining that she really wanted to kiss him but messed up in the heat of the moment, and if he cares to go on another date with her. This is what I've been saying since my first post on this thread. Ironic, huh?

    It doesn't make HDbadger a sexist when he argue about women's sense of entitlement. It's simply what it is a cultural phenomenon that is a product of our society. He is well aware not all women are like that. But when women expects men to climb through the gates of Hades to prove their love. It only proves they are doormats. And we know women don't want doormats, they want a real man with integrity. And these decent men will not play these types of games. And if OP wants to land a great guy, her actions too should be more consistent with her desires. From a guy perspective, it sometimes difficult to explain things to girls as they get so easily offended when we start throwing terms like "some women" around.
    I agree, the sense of entitlement is definitely a product of our society, it is a product of the constant slut-shaming against women who dare to be open about their sexuality. Many (perhaps most) guys don't judge a woman based on the number of her sexual partners or on whether she "puts out" on the first date, but many guys do, and many women want to avoid being slut-shamed, so they sometimes feel like they are expected to "play hard to get" in order to not be labelled as slutty or sluts. This is the "sense of entitlement" HDBadger speaks of and it demonstrates, at best, a lack of awareness. Of course the slut-shaming eventually hurts the guys too, because they are then "forced" to decipher whether a woman is actually not interested or if she's just "playing hard to get", and to "chase" after her, and so on. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people were no longer judged based on their sexuality anymore :-).

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Empty Road View Post
    she definitely has to work hard to repair the damage.
    No she doesn't. Set up another date and maybe this time she's the one who initiates a kiss, if he reacts positively then yay! Problem solved. If not then boo hoo and whatever but move on. That's not hard work.

    If I were the guy in this scenario I would simply have grabbed her when she dodged the initial kiss and pulled her lips into mine for another. If she resisted then I would've considered it a lost cause. If not...yay! Problem solved.

    Quote Originally Posted by Empty Road
    But when women expects men to climb through the gates of Hades to prove their love
    Puckering your lips and moving your head a few inches not once but twice = climbing through the gates of Hades for you? Are you a stroke recovering quadriplegic?

  11. #41
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    Haha, I like the part about grabbing (non-violently I hope) and going for another kiss. It might have gone terribly wrong (like a slap in the face) but it also might have worked and this thread and the endless discussions that came with it wouldn't exist.
    Last edited by searock; 24-10-13 at 11:07 AM.

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by searock View Post
    It might have gone terribly wrong (like a slap in the face)
    Hasn't happened to me yet. Guys who are afraid of doing things like this would be very surprised at how receptive women are to things like this, assuming they were attracted to you to begin with.

  13. #43
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    I agree, at least, it works for me :-).

  14. #44
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    Sometimes women just can't respond as quickly as a man would to a kiss or more...it's just the way it is. They can be attracted to a man to a certain extent and still hesitate at the beginning. Maybe it's because their neurons can't send strong sexual signals right away as a man's would or some have an internal barrier that has nothing to do with playing games and men shouldn't take it personally and understand that it's something they can change by investing a bit more time or creating more attraction/trust between them two or develop a personal strategy that would allow them to push those buttons a bit before time.
    Last edited by Valixy; 24-10-13 at 09:34 PM.

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