My problem

[eloise]

I'm living with a long term partner and my son. partner is not sons father (he died several years ago).

i am on the committee of a local social group. about a month ago i thought that another committee member was flirting with me - you know the secret glances across the room type thing. i felt extremely flattered but knew it wouldn't go anywhere as he's married and i have a partner.

over the last month the flirting has got more intense and i've really enjoyed it. last Sunday i was sat next to him at a meeting and i could feel the heat coming off him.

anyway we're always texting/phoning each other with committee issues. last tuesday i texted him about a meeting another group is holding, and i suggested that i wanted to join this other group. he sent me a text saying he woul say anything to stop me leaving the current group. i asked him what he meant and his reply was quite suggestive.

to cut a long story short it seems we both fancy each other like crazy. the texts have become extremely passionate with him describing in great detail what he'd like to do to me.

we're both desperate to sleep with each other, but obviously worried about the implications. we spent 3/4 hour on the phone tonight trying to sort it out and all we did was to make each other horny!! i'm in my late 30's and no one has ever made me feel this way.

i have to go to a meeting of our group tomorrow. my partner and the other guy's wife are both going to be there. its gonna be really difficult.

i have no one to talk to that i can trust so have decided to spill this on here to get it off my chest.

i know what i'm feeling is wrong, but it feels so right at the same time.

i would appreciate constructive comments on what you think i should do.

thanks for you time

[whaywardj]

Oooo, boy. Let me think...

Awright. Maybe starting here might help. Play the thing through in your mind. Envision it in as much detail as you can and with as much abandon as you wish. Imagine how it's gonna happen, where it's gonna happen, what you're going to do to make it happen, what you're going to do AFTER it happens. ALL of it. THEN imagine, in just as much detail, all you're going to have to do to either eliminate or minimize the repercussions of having done it.

That might be enough to allow you to draw your own conclusions about what you should or shouldn't do about it.

[eloise]

forgot to mention, he works away from home, a long way from home... in the summer i might get to see him every couple of weeks, in the winter it would be maybe once a month... if we do get together its gonna be a rare event...

tried the fantasy thing - haven't got past the fun part yet.... must try harder

[eloise]

well things have gone from bad to worse... we had another committee meeting (we're organising our annual camping weekend/party). after the meeting we were walking to our cars, when he grabbed me and kissed me!! OMFG WOW!! He even suggested we found somewhere quiet, but I declined. Now what?

[whaywardj]

Look. Everything about your posts so far, eloise, have conveyed the distinct impression that you very much have the hots for this guy specifically, if not for one or more others, as well. You know your circumstances. You know his. If you want to gamble those things on a tumble in the hay with him or any other boy toy, be my guest. But, please, don't insult my (and our) intelligence by feigning innocent ignorance with questions like, "Now what?" I doubt that anyone here is going to help you justify anything to yourself. We're too busy enjoying each other's company and trying to find helpful things to say to someone who REALLY is confused about what's going on with them, and not just pretending to be.

PS: Something suggests to me this committee you keep referring to is attached to a church or other religion oriented organization. Would that be accurate?

[eloise]

Hmmm.... yes i have the hots for this guy - he's gorgeous!! however i am really confused, and making myself ill over this. i haven't eaten or slept properly in over a week. I've never been in this position before (got to my late 30's without the need to be unfaithful). so far he's made all the running. i'm trying hard to ignore my feelings but i'll be honest, at my age its really flattering to have someone who makes me feel this way. i've been through some real shit (first husband died, second was abusive). current relationship is not that good, have tried very hard to make it work, but not sure how much more i can take...

church or religion? nope!! its a classic car club!!

[whaywardj]

Something doesn't jibe, eloise. If these feelings are so new to you, what does this earlier post of yours mean: "yep!! been there, done that, in danger of getting the T shirt" You said that in response to the idea of a woman in a relationship using another man as a means of escaping it. "The need to be unfaithful" is also an interesting remark.

[whaywardj]

Extending you the benefit of doubt concerning the sincerity of your post above, the answer to your question "now what" is, likely, best put as another question: How much do you care to be a respository for his meandering? Likely, one of several such repositories.

[eloise]

its the first time for both of us....

[Fawn]

My answer is a very simple NO!
Everything you've said is wrong and your brain isn't thinking reasonably. First, if your not happy with your partner. DUMP HIM! Its simple. I would suggest switching to another group to get away from the married guy. No matter how much you wanted to be with him, hes still MARRIED. Nothing can change that fact unless he is seperated or divorcing her. Even if he says he will, there are many cases in history that show its not likely and he's just looking to fool around. I don't care if its his first time.

Now! Go out and find a man thats single and can give you the love that you deserve. Never lower your bar just because you feel alone. You want better, go get it!

[whaywardj]

Ignoring the fact that your posts are sending contradictory messages that lead me to believe you're not being straightforward, (it's your "first time" but you're "in danger of owning the T-shirt" and are fantasizing about seeing him "every couple of weeks...maybe once a month"), let me think.

You're contemplating taking the risk of alienating his wife and your s/o; possibly destroying their relationship and yours; upsetting the character of the social group you all belong to; and putting your child through the turmoil of a break up, all for what again? Oh, yeah. You wanna **** a man you think is gorgeous.

How much more selfish would you like to be?

[NeoSeminole]

Girls (yes, I said girls) like you make me sick. You can't just be happy with the relationship you are in. If you don't like it, then get out. You're not married to him. There is absolutely no reason for you to cheat. Your partner deserves better and the other guy's wife deserves better.

[Tone]

Think of it this way too... let's say you do go after this guy... a few months down the line after you're old news.. what do you think he's going to do when he meets a new beautiful woman to try to conquer?

Do you want to be the woman being cheated on? If he'll do this to the woman he MARRIED what do you think he'd do to you? Or is this another one of those, all too common, woman who meets a cheating man and thinks she will be the one to magically change his ways!

[eloise]

well i guess thats me told then!!

[eloise]

my last thought on the matter....

all i know for sure, all i know for real, is knowing doesn't mean so much
when placed against the feeling, the heat inside, when bodies meet, and fingers touch...