She has a boyfriend but she seems very interested in me

[ryann87]

I like to go for a beer or two, and watch a hockey or football game after work once or twice a week. I started stopping at a new place near my house about 4 months ago, and began enjoying it alot because of this bartender/waitress who works there. I go in and sit at the bar, order my drink and food, and she sits and talks with me any time shes not busy. After 5 or 6 times going in there we were having a conversation about our childhoods, and she stopped me and said she feels like shes known me forever, like she can talk to me so easily about anything. So the next time I go in I decide its time to ask for her number. Ive been in there for about 40 mins and Im getting ready to ask. Shes telling this story about her brother coming to visit her, and then she mentions her and her BOYFRIEND taking her brother out on the town. I had assumed she was single becuase we had covered alot of ground in our conversations and her having a boyfriend never came up. I was bummed out of course, but I still enjoyed talking to her when I was in there, so I just continuned on like it was nothing. A couple of weeks ago Im in there talking with her, and she asks me if I like country music. I said I do but dont really listen to it much anymore. She invites me to go out to a country dancehall with her and some of her friends on the coming thursday. I happily agreed and then the day before we are supposed to go, she tells me to meet her at her place to hang out with her and her friends and play drinking games before we go out. So I get there the next night and theres about 10 people there and everyone was really cool. We had alot of fun just talking and playing drinking games for abourt 3 hours. We headed out to the club and once we got there, she was always staying really close to me, locking arms with me, putting her arm around me, asked me to dance with her and she pulled me in really close and put my hand on the small of her back. We both acted fairly flirty through the night. Time came to go and she told to call her soon so we could hang out. 2 night later I get a text from her around 10pm asking if I wanted to go over to her place, hang out and watch a show or something. I went and it was really relaxed, we pretty much just sat and talked about anything and everything for about 3 hours. Before I left she invited me out to a halloween costume party (which we went to last night). So I show up at her place to pick up her and 3 of her friends, we had a beer and hung out. Then we go to the club, and its the same thing as the last time but more intense. She pulled me to the dancefloor and danced with me again, was holding my had and putting her arm around me, leading me away from her friends to talk to me in private, leaning in really close and whispering in my ear. On top of all this, she texts me everyday (often right when she wakes up), asks me to hang out every couple of days. She also NEVER mentions her boyfriend (who I've never met BTW) which I find odd because I don't think I know anyone in a relationship who doesn't mention their partner at least once in awhile. I've brought him up to her a couple of times and she gives a quick answer and changes the subject. This kind of thing has only happened to me once before but the girl ended up breaking up with her boyfriend so I was free to make a move. I'm just really not sure what to do about it. I'm not the type to intrude on a relationship, but I really like this girl. I'm not sure if I should tell her what I'm feeling, because if she doesn't feel a similar way, I wouldn't want to lose her as a friend. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!
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[smackie9]

Her BF probably is out of town or is a LDR.....I say she is teetering on the fence whether to hop over or not. She has been testing things out with you, seeing if her friends approve, ect. If it were me I would play it kool to increase the desire....if you make yourself untouchable, things will come to the surface a lot quicker. Sit tight, there will be an opportunity for you to ask her what her intentions are. It's coming soon, as her feelings are growing for you.

[ryann87]

Her BF probably is out of town or is a LDR.....I say she is teetering on the fence whether to hop over or not. She has been testing things out with you, seeing if her friends approve, ect. If it were me I would play it kool to increase the desire....if you make yourself untouchable, things will come to the surface a lot quicker. Sit tight, there will be an opportunity for you to ask her what her intentions are. It's coming soon, as her feelings are growing for you.

That makes alot of sense. Ya you're pretty close I think, the one time she mentioned him she said he lives out of town (mind you only about a 45 min drive). Make myself untouchable how? Don't hang out with her as much and act kind of detached? This is an odd experience for me, I've never really had to "beat around the bush". If I did that, might it not make her think I'm not interested anymore? ThankI appreciate the reply.

[Boisdevie]

I'm not the type to intrude on a relationship

Then don't. The only important point here is that she HAS A BOYFRIEND. Once she dumps the guy then and only then can you do something about it.

[DalM0m]

I think you have to bring up the BF. Mention her behavior tell her you like her but you are confused. If the BF is still in the picture, back off. If she has already dumped him, make a move.

[ryann87]

I think you have to bring up the BF. Mention her behavior tell her you like her but you are confused. If the BF is still in the picture, back off. If she has already dumped him, make a move.

This makes alot of sense to me. Simple, to the point, and straightforward. Theres 2 things I'm worried about though. First, what if shes just someone who's really touchy feely with friends? I'm thinking that's probably not it because for one she has a boyfriend, and two the touching feels more than friendly. Second, its still in the back of my mind that if she doesn't feel the same way, I could ruin the friendship by bringing it up to her. I suppose I just have to figure out if I want to take that risk? I also forgot to mention that one of her friends has asked me 2 or 3 times now if I'm into her. I said something like "I do, she's great, but she has a boyfriend". I don't know if this guy is asking me about this just because he wants to know and sees how we act around each other, or if she asked him to ask me.

[Wakeup]

I'm not the type to intrude on a relationship

Then why pray tell, are you intruding in on her relationship?

[smackie9]

She's just doin a dance and if you want to get into the game you have to do your own kind of dance and that's the push and pull method. You give her a little attention, then you become aloof, and distant. It drives girls crazy. Just when they think they have you, they have lost you again....it makes them pursue you more. You have already put the word out that you won't make a move because she has a BF.....SHE KNOWS if she wants you, she will have to dump her BF....she's not stupid, people talk....and you are the topic of the day amongst her social group. You don't think her friends can see what's going on here? She keeps inviting a new guy (you) to hang out with them? There's going to be talk....them asking her what's up duh. The whole thing is already set into play.....once she develops enough feelings for you, she's going to dump her BF....you just have to keep her at arms length, taunting and teasing along the way.

You have already said she has mentioned her BF and you have brought it up a few times before and she has quickly dismissed it....she's getting ready to jump that fence bro.

[smackie9]

.....IMO there is no intrusion, she is stepping outside their relationship, she is the instigator.....there's a difference.

[Wakeup]

^^^ and yet another fantastic way to put it that shows it is a very good reason not to do one-on-one date like activities with one's opposite sex friend. There is always someone who will do the push/pull emotional head ****.

Coming from someone who would never invite a male friend to do date like activities with me, you're after a girl that doesn't know what the **** she wants. (Bad relationship material to begin with). How you gonna feel if you push/pull her right out of her current relationship. Will you ever trust her to be around her male friends, will you believe her when she tells you she doesn't find them attractive? Well, there are methods to co-oerce a woman into being attracted... as Smackie has pointed out. And don't tell me if she actually loved him she wouldn't be pushed or pulled emotionally because we all know that's bs.

If you don't want to interfere in her relationship then ask to meet her boyfriend and if she refuses then do the fade on her and find someone who doesn't have a boyfriend hidden in the wings who you can trust not to be co-oerced into some kind of psychological attraction.

Just my two cents on that. I'll add that if she was good relationship material she wouldn't put herself in the position to be pushed and then pulled.

[michelle23]

Op stop being an idiot. Nothing good will come of this. Tell the whore to f off and find yourself a real woman.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[smackie9]

This behavior is very common, squawking about it isn't going to stop people from doing it....she isn't a slut...no mention of her flopping on her back and spreading her legs, she isn't living with her BF, not engaged or married so she is fair game.

[Wakeup]

Yuck! That's not my opinion of how an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationships works. I consider myself off the market to other men when I've (we've) decided to be exclusive.

That attitude kinda takes out the reasoning behind courting one another for a good time and getting to know them before you move in together and marry one another. I never recommend early live-in or marriage to someone you don't even know. Thats How *I* look at it anyway.

That being said, I don't believe she is a "whore" I just think she is confused and doesn't know what she wants which equals piss poor girlfriend material. I'd hope that she wouldn't want to look at herself as "fair game" when in a relationship, anyway.

[smackie9]

People don't always play by the rules.....they play by their emotions. Sometimes people just find themselves in this position and can't control it....ah such as life. You live you love you lose you learn, you love again....

[Wakeup]

People don't always play by the rules.....they play by their emotions. Sometimes people just find themselves in this position and can't control it....ah such as life. You live you love you lose you learn, you love again....

Yes... and we've just given him two completely different views. Up to him what one he finds most appealing and in his best emotional well being in the long run.